Dating A Good Friend

[FrustratedChump]

Dating An Ex-Roommate

I live with a girl for 2 years in college. During which we were always very close (often too close). However she had a boyfriend so I never tried anything. During that time I dated several girls but they all fell apart.

Now she's graduated and moved home, she also broke up with her BF. I waited a good 6 weeks or so, because I didnt want to just be the rebound guy, then I made my move. That was about 2 weeks ago.

Since then we've gone out about 3 times, and had a great time. However since I was there 2 days ago, I havent heard anything from her. I've sent her a few text messages, and havent heard back from her. Which is unusal, since we usually talk every night, as well as a bunch during the day.

I've had this happen to me before, and dont want to lose a good friend over this. And ideally I'd like to continue dating her, as she's an absolute sweetheart that I've had a big crush on for two years.

I sent her a message monday after I left, didnt get a response. Thought it was odd but shrugged it off. Yesterday came and went, I sent her 2 messages w/ no response. Once again that is not typical of her.

Finally she messages me the next day, we talked briefly before I go to work. However here's the kicker, she says she doesnt remember what she did last night... And she's not a drinker or a druggie, so something about that doesnt sit right for me. Rather than act paranoid to her, I chose to just to let it go.

Right now I'm thinking I should start initiating conversations less. Other than that, I'm not sure what I can do to get her interests level back up. So any suggestions would be great.

Is there anything I can do, but sit back and be quiet?

 

[FrustratedChump]

^bump^

 

[Centaurion]

You are in the LJBF zone. She has been ignoring you in the hopes that you would catch on, but you apperantly have not. Just move on. Keep her as a friend if you want, but move on.

 

[FrustratedChump]

I dont think its come to that quite yet. However I am aware that it is a possibility.

 

[Luveno]

Originally posted by FrustratedChump
I dont think its come to that quite yet. However I am aware that it is a possibility.

Hope is indeed the enemy of realism.

 

[FrustratedChump]

lol

I was thinking there's something I could do to throw her off track. Like call her up and tell her I've noticed she seems distant, and I think its because she's not ready for a relationship yet, so we should take a break so that we dont ruin things.

Either she fights to stay together, or she doesnt. How she acts should tell me her true feelings. What do you think?

 

[Bonhomme]

Suggestions

1) Leave her alone for a few weeks, and let her miss you for a bit, and allow for her "just friend" associations of you to be cleared out from her mind a bit.

2) Read Mr. Fingers' tip on "escaping the friendzone" here: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=43174

3) When you get back in touch, put those tips into practice.

 

[themanwithnoname]

i hate guys like this who think they can start a relationship from a friendship of years.

 

[FrustratedChump]

Bonhomme - thanks for the article, I remember seeing that a few years back when I first found this site. Was full of usefull info.

themanwithnoname - I hate you too

Other than that... I've come to the conclusion over the years that women often dont bother to tell guys when they dump them. Sad but simple fact. After pondering this situation all day I decided if she hasnt started up contact again by the weekend, I'm going to dump her. If she fights for the relationship, then I'm suddenly in control and she is not. If she doesnt, hopefully I can salvage the friendship.

 

[becker]

One of the biggest deterrents I've had to getting into relationships with any women these days is that I have issues with how women think that they could just enter your life and disappear into thin air, thinking that that's going to be the best way to break up with you. To me, just the lack of closure is totally nerve-wracking

 

[FrustratedChump]

Thats exactly what bothers me. Out of all the women that have left me, none have ever bothered to end it properly. When I'm done with a girl, I tell her.

Personally, I need closure. I know woman demand it if they're on that end. Do they give us closure? Nah. They dont want to hurt our feelings, so they just ignore us forever. A pathetic way to deal with the issue.

 

[Triple X]

I would suggest Ganji games here.

 

[FrustratedChump]

Ganja? I like ganja...

 

[Triple X]

Hahaha.. yeah that could help too I guess..

 

[gargamel]

Originally posted by Triple X
I would suggest Ganji games here.

Oh, yeah, wanted to sak this a few days ago.

What exactly is Ganji??

 

[Triple X]

Oh wow, I thought most people would have known what it was.

There's a thread about it right here:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=21610&highlight=ganji

Makes interesting reading.

 

[FrustratedChump]

Yes, very interesting indeed. Its basically telling me to do what I think I should do.

However, do you think I should dump her? Or just stop talking to her?

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

frustrated chump.....well I will not call you that...how about peaceful guy....not chump...your chump days will soon be over...

ummm.......the advice i want to give to you is not to call her back in a week, or to dump her, or to go to her house, or to do anything.....

The advice I want to give you, is read Pooks Kill That Desperation article...

The problem is....you are not applying the don juan techniques taught....and basically, you are just in desperation...Remember desperation is desire without wisdom...theres nothing wrong with desire, hell woman want you to desire her, but desperation shows that you dont know what the hell you are doing, and she sees that, okay buddy....

Read that article....read the don juan bible again and get some good tips like eye contact and that sexual mind state...this will make you and her connect, once that happens......BLLLAMMMMM....

P.S. This girl, has a 20/100 chance of returning back to you. the only way she will want you again, is if she sees you applying these rules, and if you just happen to see her, apply them on her, and watch how she acts differently to you...but buddy, read those things, and reply back to me, take tonight and even tomorrow and just study bro, then next weekend, you can go out there and fvck these bytches how they ought to be fvcked!

 

[FrustratedChump]

I called her tonight, and dumped her. I dont think she saw it coming.

Hardest thing I've ever had to do. Only girl I've had to dump before had cheated on me, so I had no remorse there. This was hard, and ackward.

However, I think its for the best. I salvaged the friendship, and maybe some day we can give it another shot. I just dont think she's over her ex yet, and I cant be her rebound guy.

I read the ganji games, they were quite intriguing. But I dont play games. However I will keep those tips in mind, as they may prove to be useful in this "friendship."

 

[aftershock]

Originally posted by FrustratedChump
I called her tonight, and dumped her. I dont think she saw it coming.

Good move. If anything, it means that you are not hurt by all this, keeping your emotions in check.