Dating 3 Women - Need Some Input

[bootmeup]

OK DJ's, Master DJ's, Forum Bretheren,

I want to get some feedback from the crew here:


SITUATION:
I am dating three women…

Women #1 (early 40’s, no kids, divorced, works, little baggage).
I am dating this lady since October. I see here once a week and I like her quite a bit. We have a very physical relationship. I have never made any promises of being exclusive, or ever used the "I love you" words. We always have a great time when ever we see each other. Last week she gave me a present of a sweater, a hand made scarf, and a CD, which I accepted. She is quite experience too in life and other things. But one of my friends has told me that even though I have gone out my way to not promise anything there maybe some unspoken things she might have in her mind.


Women #2 (mid 30’s, 2/12 son, divorced, works)
She is educated and sweet, works as a programmer. I have dated her for about 1 month, and we just got physical. I like her too. Fewer guys, married for 10 years, husbands back in China. She is Chinese but we have no problem communicating.


Women #3 (Mid 30’s, no kids, never married)
We have been on 2 dates, and we made out. She has been out of town for the holidays, but I just received an email that she’s been thinking about me, will be back later this week and wants to talk soon. She will probably want to see me again when she gets back.
This once could get physical quickly too.

Now on top of this there are two other ladies that I have seen a few times and seem to have chemistry with as well.



WHERE I AM AT NOW:
Well at some point I feel that I will want to be in an LTR and be married. I feel that I should date these women for at least 5 to 6 months before making any “commitment”, and that they should be the ones to request it and say the “I love you” thing first.

I have not seen any one these ladies more then once a week and I probably talk to them on the phone no more then once or twice a week. I may text them perhaps once or twice a week two too.

I don’t want anyone to get hurt, or lead anyone one. I really like all of the three main women, and I want to continue to date all of them.

Any other guys ever been in this type of situation, I appreciate any advice here.

I do not consider myself a player, and I care a lot about people. The last thing I want is to hurt someone, but I feel this process is needed to select the best choice. I have been burned in the past by instantly bounding with women who where not the best choices for me.

Thanks in advance for any input you guys – or ladies - may have.

 

[NewMan]

Dude, Only you can figure out what you want.

Personally - I'd drop the chick with kids - who wants a ready made family?

I'd also lose the chick thats in her 40's and divorced - If your thinking of eventual marrage, then I'd select a younger model with less mileage.

These kind of questions are very difficult to comment on.

You probably know what you want to do - why don't you tell us?

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. It's ok to date this many women. Don't beat yourself up.

2. Sometimes being a nice guy can land you extra women when you should just say no also. Becareful that your not dating them just to be nice.

3. So far you've played the game very well. You haven't led any of the women on or made fake claims of love or promises.

4. Don't be in a hurry to jump into a LTR. Many fools jump in to fast with the wrong one. Wait until you meet the one who will make sparks fly...you will know her when you meet!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What worked for me was to play it by ear and to let things progress naturally. I never inferred that I was considering a LTR and never made any of them feel that they were the only woman I was seeing.

I never told them that but they understood that I was not available for them 24x7. When they asked if I was dating someone else, I told them that I was seeing other people and left it at that.

There was a couple that couldn't handle that and we stopped seeing each other. No biggie, I wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't confident in themselves to be able to handle it. There isn't anything worse than women that have AFC characteristics.

Needless to say, the cream of the crop rose to the top and began to understand what I was doing and what I was looking for. They then took it upon themselves to pick up the pace to raise MY interest level. They did everything from giving me gifts, cooking, putting out, you name it. For all I knew they were doing the same for some other DJ, who knows, who cares.

After a few months or so of this, it was apparent that none of them were interesting enough to go into a one on one LTR. No big deal, we all were having fun. Low and behold my, current GF came out of nowhere and had it on the ball enough for me to break it off with the others. Ever watch the television show The Fifth Wheel?

In a nutshell, I felt alright with the experience since I never led anyone on and I ended up with what I wanted. Being a DJ has its privileges.

 

[MacAvoy]

I agree. Don't beat yourself up because you aren't jumping into the society sanctioned monogamous relationship off the hop. It would be irresponsible of you to jump into a committed LTR when you don't know these women that well.

You are doing the correct thing by not leading them on. Like Francisco said, if they ask about other women, don't lie or avoid the subject, simply tell them that your seeing someone else and change the subject.

I do disagree w/ Newman though, I wouldn't drop a women just because of a general rule. I personally am not going to shut out an entire population of people just because they might have a kid or are over a certain age. To cut oneself off from finding that person - to immediately half your options by eliminating the possibility of finding that one person who doesn't have kids or is younger than a certain age, that just seems stupid.

 

[dietzcoi]

Player Supreme is dead on... especially #4.

Listen to him!

Dietzcoi

 

[WaterTiger]

If you're thinking LTR then TAKE YOUR TIME !!! Like that old knight in "The Last Crusade" said: "Choose wisely."

You've been seeing these women for less than 3 months and already you're choosing bands for the reception? SLOW DOWN! What's your rush? (Did one of them get YOU pregnant? J/K!!!)

DO NOT rush in to marriage. Make sure you're making the right choice. Over 50% of marriages fail because some starry eyed guy dates for 6 weeks, thinks he's found "The One" and marries her. Two years later he's on WWW.Nomarriage.com adding his horror story of the blood-thirsty wife screwing him out of his house, car and alimony for the rest of his life. Turns out he picked "The WRONG One". Unless you're 92 and on oxygen, you have time. Don't rush. You should date for at least a year before even THINKING about marriage.