Date with a widow

John9999

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At my age of 53 this occasionally comes up.
I have a first date Thursday night with a woman who is 51 years old. I kept the texting to a minimum so I don’t know a lot of details. But it looks like her husband died over 10 years ago. She had a LTR for 6 years , but now I’m gonna be her first date in 4 years. Go figure

So what do you do in a situation like this? I kind of feel like if she doesn’t bring up her deceased husband I don’t ask. What do you guys think?

Normally I would never ever ask about an ex but in this case the woman didn’t choose to be single. I don’t wanna seem cold or insensitive.
 
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Snake-eyes

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Take everything she says with a grain of salt
Control the conversation topic
Talk with your ears
 

KindredSpiritzz

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He's been dead 10 yrs now so i dont think its a big deal. If she wants to talk about it she'll bring it up, otherwise i'd stay clear of the topic, last thing you want is her thinking about her dead husband on a date with you. Just sit and listen and nod your head every once in awhile, women love to gab so she'll probably do most of the work. You just ask questions when she does stop talking.
 

John9999

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Yes. My bigger concern is no dates for her in 4 years. Either she’ll be super nervous. Or if I’m lucky super horny
 

Black Widow Void

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I wouldn't bring her status up. The reason is because a date is supposed to be uplifting and fun. You want to be viewed/remembered as the fun-guy that gave her a positive emotional experience. Reminding her of her late husband and her loss, will in no way work to your advantage - just the opposite.

You mentioned that she's been a widow for about 10 years, had a six year relationship and has been single for four years. Doing the math, it sounds like she quickly dated and formed a relationship after her loss. Factoring in that she seemed to quickly date afterward and it's now been ten years since her loss, you'll probably not have much of an unusual obstacle.

Her recent four year break from dating might be most revealing, but this subject too could also be a mood killer for the evening. Be the man that makes her feel good and the likelihood that she'll make you 'feel good' is more probable.
 
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markfromeurope

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If her husband died 10y ago, but she was in LTR that lasted 6 years after that and was 4 years alone after the LTR, it's not the death of the husband that would be me my concern if I was on your place OP.

The fact that you ask how to dance around the death of her husband that happened so long ago makes me think you were hooked by her 'widow talk'/widow game.

It's a forte of older women to game guys that feel inherent need to protect sb like that.

So I'd listen carefully since date no. 1.
 

MrWood

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just like ex's... don't ask, don't tell
If she brings it up, acknowledge her, give a consolation and ask if she wants another glass of wine
 

ShePays

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At my age of 53 this occasionally comes up.
I have a first date Thursday night with a woman who is 51 years old. I kept the texting to a minimum so I don’t know a lot of details. But it looks like her husband died over 10 years ago. She had a LTR for 6 years , but now I’m gonna be her first date in 4 years. Go figure

So what do you do in a situation like this? I kind of feel like if she doesn’t bring up her deceased husband I don’t ask. What do you guys think?

Normally I would never ever ask about an ex but in this case the woman didn’t choose to be single. I don’t wanna seem cold or insensitive.
If he died of food poisoning, and she wants to cook for you, it might be relevant.
 

John9999

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Well now none of it matters because this one has ghosted me. Onto the next. I don’t think she was ready to do any kind of dating, I bet I dodged a bullet
 

Scaramouche

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Hi John,
Quite daunting for her to get back into the swim,Widows like her often make great plates...you just see them from time to time...A light hearted mail say a week from your last contact,tell her what you have been up to during the week and just finish off with a simple how's your week been?...Neither threatening,nor demanding shows you are a caring inoffensive Guy...she may well come after a couple of tries,what do you have to lose?...good Luck.
 
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