Date tonight but am sensing flake and awkwardness.

[HanzSolo]

Been hanging out with a girl I met at a bar a month or 2 ago. She came out the gates super interested. By the time I drove home from the clubs there were texts asking me to switch venues with her that I missed and she wanted to set a date in stone for later on in the week. She even texted me the next day asking me out because she couldnt wait for our date.

I cant quite identify when things shifted but I had sex with her at the drive in a few weeks ago and though shes been texting me from time to time nailing a hangout has been hard.

I assumed shes dating other guys because shes cute and young (22) (Im 32) and have to also assume that is the reason for her being hot cold.

Anyhow I went downtown last night and saw her with a guy. I just minded my own business then went home and spent the night with a backup.

My question is that I have a date with her tonight. Should I cancel or not. My instincts sense a possible flake.

When I reviewed my past performance with her I think I made the mistake of being too aloof due to not being used to such high attraction with next to no effort. In other words I should have built more comfort/rapport. I know she has had casual sex in the past but do those types of girls still get buyers remorse? I have to somehow lighten the vibe if we do in fact hangout.

Any tips or follow up questions are welcome. Date is tonight.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Never cancel a date. Even if you think she MIGHT flake, the reality is (a) she hasn't, and (b) if she does, you need to feel the feelings behind the flake to give you the incentive to stop contacting her. A flake isn't a bad thing; if anything, it's an event that occurs that helps you determine her low level of interest. But, if you don't let it happen, it's just hearsay. Like, right now you THINK she's not interested and you saw her downtown with a guy and all, but all that can be speculation (she's had a hard week, the guy was her brother/cousin/gay best friend). But a flake is more definite. So no, don't cancel the date, and don't bring up that you saw her with another guy. DO ask how her week was and what she's been up to, though, and see if she mentions the other guy - if she's hiding it, something is probably up. But again, don't assume things.

 

[bigneil]

In this situation what I do is simply see if she contacts me before the date. If she is interested, she will write and say "Are we still going tonight?" Girls will NOT forget a date with someone they like (ever). Sometimes it's not convenient for them to go, and this gives them an easy out, plus she wonders if you blew HER off. You also avoid her official cancellation which psychologically can kill the romance (even when legit).

If she is the type that never initiates, you may try initiating a harmless text that says "Hello" within 24 hours of the date.

Either way you choose, if she doesn't write to you, you walk away, you never initiate contact until she writes again, and you never mention the date if you talk to her. Make her work to get you back.

Regarding their dating other men, what I do in that situation is tell them graphic stories about other women (always keeping it humorous, and with the theme being their throwing themselves at me [showing photos if possible] but being too crazy to take seriously). Always end with "but she's not as pretty as you". I do this until they ask for a commitment. Example: "So I've been dating this girl for about 6 months now, and she's way too young, and she seriously wants nothing but to have sex all day (showing MPEG of her ass). I don't know about you, but I need to do other things with my life besides have sex all day, you know? And she's not as pretty as you."

Meanwhile, tell her that her date was a good looking guy and that if she plays her cards right, he might call her back. Tell her to just fix her hair a little on their next date, and not to act so nervous around him.

 

[Yorkex]

Just have a back up activity then go NC on her. Of she keeps sending more than one msg then she is interested.

 

[Bingo-Player]

don't cancel but leave her instigate confirmation

 

[HanzSolo]

Thanks for the replies.

She has always been on time for the couple dates we have had with no confirmation just a set time, so asking for the confirmation is indicative of me sensing a flake. She will read that. Not to mention I make sure I pick her up at her address which helps with the bull****.

I pick her up in 2 hours and I think I would have received the flake text by now. Ill do as recommended and play it cool.

I forgot that I had asked her to wear something for me next time we met and she agreed. I'll know right away if she didn't that its bad news.

 

[HanzSolo]

Update: Sure enough she wasn't at home and didn't answer phone. I left and by the time I made it home my phone rang. She said she had to drive her grandpa to his doctor and was still on fwy. I TRIED to remain unreactive but didn't do the best job. I asked about her grandpa and then said a text would have been nice letting me know whats up. I said have a good night and ended the interaction. I didn't flip out but was in my voice you could tell I was def pissed about my wasted time and not expecting that call.

 

[skinnyguy]

Update: Sure enough she wasn't at home and didn't answer phone. I left and by the time I made it home my phone rang. She said she had to drive her grandpa to his doctor and was still on fwy. I TRIED to remain unreactive but didn't do the best job. I asked about her grandpa and then said a text would have been nice letting me know whats up. I said have a good night and ended the interaction. I didn't flip out but was in my voice you could tell I was def pissed about my wasted time and not expecting that call.

3 Things:

1) Don't cry over puss. She's not worth it.

2) She has TONS of options and probably found a better one.

3) This girl is nothing but a pump and dump. Very low quality and not worthy of a post on this site.

 

[VladPatton]

The ole "grampa to the doctor" excuse. This girl is a pro. Let her contract you from now on. She's gettin more deek than my undies!

 

[December_in_NY_1978]

When you suspect a flake you should cancel the date. Betas are scared to cancel dates with women. Nothing wrong with canceling a date with a girl when you get a better offer from another. Women do that to men all the time. Sure beats being stood up then jerking yourself off later. Getting some for sure pvssy is what you want. Only betas are afraid to upset a woman. Know what? If she is really interested she will still go on a date after you cancel.

 

[nismo-4]

If you feel something don't look right, bail. If a woman is interested she won't forget. Won't pass up a date with Brad Pitt and you wouldn't pass a date with Kate Upton.

If you cancel, she'll reschedule. If not, she wasn't interested anyway.

 

[pyros]

One question, once you got to her place ...and you called her etc...how long did you wait for her? cause Im getting the impression that you arrived, you saw she was not there and you left straighaway.

How long did she take to call you back? cause you know, if you were suposed to meet at 18:00 and you left at 18:02 and she called you at 18:10 is not a big deal...but you did not comment on this. This could make the story totally different.

 

[Honda1990]

One question, once you got to her place ...and you called her etc...how long did you wait for her? cause Im getting the impression that you arrived, you saw she was not there and you left straighaway.

How long did she take to call you back? cause you know, if you were suposed to meet at 18:00 and you left at 18:02 and she called you at 18:10 is not a big deal...but you did not comment on this. This could make the story totally different.

Uh, how so? Imagine if OP had just sat in her driveway like a chump for 30 minutes, waiting for some woman he's casually seeing to arrive - would you not wonder if OP has any self-respect for himself or his time?

I don't know about you, but when I make plans and I tell the woman that I will be picking her up at 16:00, you'd best believe I expect her to be ready by 16:00. In OP's case, he drove to her place, saw she wasn't there, tried calling her to figure out what was going on, and she didn't respond.

Considering that:
a) They're casually dating.
b) She's spinning plates as well.
c) Her past behavior should imply that she has the courtesy to inform him of her "excuse" BEFORE the date.

I would have left right away as well. She disrespected him by wasting his time. He's already had his fun, so why should he tolerate it; to get more? Sex is never worth the disrespect.

 

[SoSerene]

3 Things:

1) Don't cry over puss. She's not worth it.

2) She has TONS of options and probably found a better one.

3) This girl is nothing but a pump and dump. Very low quality and not worthy of a post on this site.

While I agree with those 3 points, I think the bigger issue is that he wasted all that time for nothing. I would feel the same way. Even if a buddy of mine did something like that I'd definitely be pissed as well.