Date Situation

[Tinsil]

Usually don't ask for advice here.. but weird situation.

So today I took this chick (Im 19 shes 18) out to lunch/the mall where she helped me pick out some cologne and we walked around..

Anyways everything went really well... talked the whole time about various ****. Had some contact walking around and ****, np. Everything went really well... Afterwards she invited me back to her dorm, where we talked for a good 30 mins again.

So at the end, I asked her if she wanted to go out again, and I got a "maybe.. Im not sure im leaving for a few weeks here soon so idk.".. I asked her what about when she got back and she just said "maybe".. Why the hesitance?

Whole time she was smiling and laughing through the date.. One of the better dates I had.. So just looking for general comments.. like what's the deal? I didn't come off too pushy or anything at all.. Just given the date went well, why accept if there cant be more than one?

Im thinking its possible she was a little turned off because I wasnt catholic like her, but even still.. It didnt seem like a big deal?

General tips needed from a normal lurker.

 

[f283000]

1. Don't ask her if she wants to go out again when you are not even done with your current date!!: It makes you seem too eager and over-excited. You are putting the control in her hands. Instead don't worry about it, have fun, enjoy your date and then whenever you decide to go out with her again give her a call or talk to her in person and ask her out again. You were pushing plans on her right on the first date.

2. Why did you ask her if she would go out with you after she came back when she didn't even give you a straight answer for going out before she left?: This was just bad. I mean she gives you a maybe and then you kept pushing it. How do you think that makes you look in her eyes? It makes you look weak and like a guy with no options because you admitted to her you would be waiting for her to come back and go out again.

Calm down, let her come back and then ask her out. Don't make yourself so available and eager like if she is something special.

 

[Lord Sidious]

Dude,

I agree with f28300. However, I add the following:

- A gal invites you to go for her dorm and you just...talk with her?! 30 min in her dorm and you what you did? Talk...! The "maybe" answer is expected after having invite you to go to her dorm, and didn´t make any move...


Don´t forget Charles Talleyrand-Périgord:

- "A women will forgive a man for him to try to seduce her, but no the man that lose that chance when it is offered to him."

 

[f283000]

Thanks Lord Sidious. I was going to mention that but forgot

Remember the rule. When a woman invites you to the confines of her own home or apartment where you two will be alone then you only have 1 move and 1 move only

ESCALATE!

This is the point of no return. You pretty much have to make her reject you by making a move on her but most of the time it will work. If you don't then don't be surprised if you get the friend card or she never goes out with you again. Women expect you as a man to make the move in a private setting. Women don't agree to be alone with you in a private setting unless they expect (and want) something to happen. If something does not happen it's because you didn't make the move or your game is really bad that you ended up turning her off.

 

[jophil28]

1. Don't ask her if she wants to go out again when you are not even done with your current date!!: It makes you seem too eager and over-excited. You are putting the control in her hands. Instead don't worry about it, have fun, enjoy your date and then whenever you decide to go out with her again give her a call or talk to her in person and ask her out again. You were pushing plans on her right on the first date.

2. Why did you ask her if she would go out with you after she came back when she didn't even give you a straight answer for going out before she left?: This was just bad. I mean she gives you a maybe and then you kept pushing it. How do you think that makes you look in her eyes? It makes you look weak and like a guy with no options because you admitted to her you would be waiting for her to come back and go out again.

Calm down, let her come back and then ask her out. Don't make yourself so available and eager like if she is something special.

This ^^.

MY SOP (page 36 ) says this -
" AT the end of the first date leave the woman in a state of moderate arousal or stimulation .Go home while she is still having fun. Do not ask for date #2. "

Let her digest the events of the first date for a day or two (women will forensically examine every tiny detail, usually with their girlfriends.)
Then call her and ask her out in the SAME way that you did the first time - perhaps even ask more boldly or confidently - never plead. Just assume that she will eagerly accept. IF she is busy, but she is still interested, she will offer another time. Above all be calm - your IL might be high BUT her's is still building upwards. Women take longer than men.
Remember that it is your job to lead her gently - be cool, be amusing and be patient.

 

[Tinsil]

Thanks. I had anxiety/depression problems in HS so Im still catching up with the game.

Will not ask her out again before it's over, and yeah but she left the dorm door open.. Do I shut it and then try to make a move? Idk it didn't seem appropriate.

Appreciate the help. Still feel a bit behind the curve here. I'm not needy I guess I just say stupid stuff.

Edit: So is it a bad idea to make the girl feel like she is something special? Should I avoid saying those things then until later on, like the 5th date+?

 

[Kailex]

Thanks. I had anxiety/depression problems in HS so Im still catching up with the game.

Will not ask her out again before it's over, and yeah but she left the dorm door open.. Do I shut it and then try to make a move? Idk it didn't seem appropriate.

You have to take one step before you start thinking about the next. The door isn't your concern. Your concern is to escalate. If it escalates, then SHE can worry about the door and trust me, she'd let you know to close it.

Appreciate the help. Still feel a bit behind the curve here. I'm not needy I guess I just say stupid stuff.

You might not be needy, but what you said came across as such and that's what you need to avoid.

Edit: So is it a bad idea to make the girl feel like she is something special? Should I avoid saying those things then until later on, like the 5th date+?

Just have fun.
Don't worry about making anyone feel special. She should be making YOU feel special as she qualifies herself, not the other way around.

Just keep these "dates"/"Hangouts"/whatever as aloof as you can and just have fun. But do NOT miss any opportunities ever again. You were in HER room, she invited you into her world and you basically spat in her face.

 

[Tinsil]

That said.. Should I ask this same chick out next week? Or just recognize my mistakes and next it?

Thanks for the input.

 

[Tinsil]

New question.. She introduced me to her pretty good looking friend.. and I want a chick to go to this club with me this Friday when I go with some buds.

Is it a **** move to ask this girl in OP's friend out?

I'm pretty much decided it's not going to work out with the first girl anyways.. Im lifeguarding this summer I cant take being away from the chick for almost 4 weeks after I just get to know her.

Idk Im not sure. Should I ask her friend out or just find another girl? Her friend is a really cool girl as well and im sure itd be a good time. Am I worrying about a girl's feelings way too much when all she gave me was a maybe anyways?

 

[f283000]

You should do whatever you want. You can either ask the same girl out or this new one. You have no obligation to the first girl. Nothing even happened between you two!

 

[Tinsil]

Good. That's what I was thinking! I'm getting a lot better at this game.. Think I just need to worry a little bit less.

thanks for everyone's help btw.

 

[jophil28]

Good. That's what I was thinking! I'm getting a lot better at this game.. Think I just need to worry a little bit less.

thanks for everyone's help btw.

Which girl appeals to you more ? She is your target.

 

[Tinsil]

About the same really.. I'm not sure why I chose one over the other.

Plus second chick isn't leaving for almost 4 weeks outta this summer.