Date Report - Do Your Best, Forget the Rest

[goldengoose]

Oh boy... I see I have a person on hand that's not a fan of my advice. No biggie - but, I will say that I've been in a similar situation as yours. In fact, this very scenario played out a couple of years ago, but there are a few differences in our stories...

Don't get so upset Harry. Not everybody is always going to agree with your advice. When it's bad advice, people generally aren't going to agree with it. That's usually how it works. You seem to take offense when people don't agree with you. The last time, you wrote a long thread complaining about it when people were making fun of you. When you give your advice, you should expect to have a few critics who don't agree with you. I'm beginning to see that the stories you tell are conflicting with the actual advice that you give.

The main mistake you made was trying to make plans with her the next day. Too much too soon, and she hasn't earned the right to have that much access to you. Even if she wanted to see you, you should have made her wait a few days.

The second mistake you made was keeping your phone on and actually reading your messages during the date. You had a girl wanting to make out with you and LEFT her to rescue a friend... but you wouldn't have had to do that had you not had your phone on in the first place. I can only speculate since I can't read her mind, but she probably didn't like that you did that. And THEN, she offered to give your friend a ride, but most likely it was so that she could have you to herself after you dropped him off... and you turned her down?? No wonder she may not be responding...

You know the old saying, "A friend in need is a friend indeed."

Boy, you just have to shake your head at this terrible advice.


First of all, your good friends and family are more important and should always come FIRST over some chick that you don't really know. Attempting to score a lay is not more important over the well being of a friend. There is no guarantee that he would have gotten laid that night. Chicks are a dime a dozen when you can game and attract them. If this chick was serious about being fvcked by this guy, the lay would still go down.

You wanted him to ignore his drunken friend Harry over some random chick. What if he would have gotten behind the wheel drunk and killed himself or someone else? How would you feel about that when you could have helped him?

Alphas take care of their brothers before some random chick. I can see who you and Partizan show your allegiance to. Betas are always worried about the well being of the chick because they are afraid to upset her or ruffle her feathers in fear of offending her. Your advice Harry, is a great example of that beta attitude which is making men soft these days.

The OP is correct, you do deal with absolutes with the advice you give. You can't use the standard text book advice with every woman and situation Harry, it isn't going to work.

Experienced daters know that nothing is an absolute in dating. The men who succeed in dating are the ones who are able to adapt to each woman and situation because nothing works out as planned.

Some women you can take home that night and fvck, some you have wait a date or two, sometimes you change the loctation, sometimes sh1t comes up just like right in this thread, not everything is going to be the same. Your advice always follows the same script, when the script changes you are going to run into trouble.

When a chick is getting that hot and the situation is interrupted, you want to continue it as soon as you possibly can. This isn't the same basic script that we follow, the script has changed, so we adapt to the situation. After the incident, it should have resumed where she was getting hot and heavy. That was his best opportunity to go for the lay. But instead he used his next best choice the next day. Instead of texting her he should have called her to feel her out. If she was feeling it, then there is no reason not to pick up where they left off. Waiting a few days doesn't matter, when she wants to be fvcked you fvck her, waiting a few days won't give you better a fvck. I was on a date with a nurse who had to leave for an emergency. We picked up the next day. That's what experienced daters do, they adapt. Chicks who want to be fvcked will still want to be fvcked the next day. Waiting isn't going to change anything at all.

You seem to have a hatred of cell phones. You should always have your phone on and with you in case of an emergency. If you are an imporant person, you need to have your phone. The chick can wait or can learn to deal with your private or business matters. Considering when chicks are always on their phones texting when they are out with some dude in public.

If my buddy is too drunk to drive, he can take a cab home. If we were both already in the same location, that's one thing. But **** if I'm going to go across town to pick him up.

Some buddy you are. Your buddy sure picked you as the wrong friend. I'm sure if you were too drunk to drive, maybe with no money for a cab, you would appreciate having a good friend to help you in your time of need.

Women aren't everything in life. You need guys need to shake off your beta ways.

Ever heard of Uber? You don't even need cash anymore to get somebody to pick your drunk ass up. You can pay electronically from your phone. That's the convenience of modern technology. You know how I know? Because I do it myself.

I'm not going to call a buddy to come over to a bar in the middle of the night to pick me up because I selfishly decided to get drunk without making the appropriate arrangements.

Now, if my buddy was genuinely in trouble (in jail or something), that's another matter entirely.

You guys sure like to make excuses. Mostly the excuses are for women. That is being a beta. When the guy is too drunk he can't make a transaction like that. If he can't pay or hasn't heard of Uber, that does him no good. It's all about having principles. An alpha has principles and doesn't shed them for a woman.

 

[Partizan]

Some buddy you are. Your buddy sure picked you as the wrong friend. I'm sure if you were too drunk to drive, maybe with no money for a cab, you would appreciate having a good friend to help you in your time of need.

Women aren't everything in life. You need guys need to shake off your beta ways.

Ever heard of Uber? You don't even need cash anymore to get somebody to pick your drunk ass up. You can pay electronically from your phone. That's the convenience of modern technology. You know how I know? Because I do it myself.

I'm not going to call a buddy to come over to a bar in the middle of the night to pick me up because I selfishly decided to get drunk without making the appropriate arrangements.

Now, if my buddy was genuinely in trouble (in jail or something), that's another matter entirely.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Well, I certainly appreciate the time being taken out of your guys' day to ask me questions - I love being able to help you better understand my thought processes as well as where my advice comes from.

For starters, let's take this situation as if it were reversed: you plan a date with a girl and she says "yes" to it. So, you spend a few days trying to find the perfect activity for you guys to get into. Once you do that, you starts spending some valuable time, effort and money to get some clothes for this date so you look good. You wash your car, you take a long shower, spray on some cologne, fill up your gas tank (which, here in Cali, could easily be $50 or more), and head out to pick this girl up.

Now, you've done ALL this prep with the hopes of being able to impress her. And sure enough, when you get her in your car, you're making her laugh, impressing her with your conversation, and you're even beginning to kino her, which she is actually being receptive to! More importantly, though, she seems to be appreciating the fact that you took time out of your day to meet up with her.

But then... while you're at dinner, you're telling her a story and you see her glancing down to her side, checking her phone under the table. Or, you're singing along to a song with her in the car when you see her scrolling her phone on facebook and for messages. Or, in the middle of that expensive concert you decided to take her to, she goes from dancing along with you to answering her phone. And then, just when you think you're going to be able to score with her after having increased her interest all night... she tells you that, despite how much money you've spent on her and how many places you've taken her and how much of a good time she's having, she has to go home now because she got a message from one of her girlfriends saying her boyfriend just broke up with her and - because this particular girlfriend has low self-esteem issues - she HAS to go be by her side RIGHT NOW.

Now, based on the responses of the previous two posters, the ideal would be for you to say "sure, no problem," cut the date short, take her to her friend and ride off into the night without feeling any kind of way about it. BUT, c'mon, guys, you know yourselves better than that - instead, the thoughts going through your head would be:

1. Did her friend REALLY just lose the BF, or was this one of those situations where she told her gf to text her so she could get out of the date?
2. Doesn't this friend of hers have OTHER friends she could call up for help?
3. Is this girl REALLY going to leave now, after I've spent all this money on her and took her out to all these places?

However, the MAIN thing you would be thinking, is that none of this crap would have happened had she NOT HAD HER FRIGGIN' PHONE ON IN THE FIRST PLACE.

You see, this girl is most likely thinking the same thing: she took time out of her day to go out with him - despite the many, many other suitors she could have said "yes" to; she spent money on her hair, make up, dress, shoes, and other things guys don't even think about when preparing for a date (thus dispelling the myth that girls don't spend money on first dates - if anything, they spend a LOT more than we do just to make a good first impression); she practically throws herself at the guy...

...and what does she get in return for her investment? A guy who keeps his phone on during the date, checks his messages, and decides to bail out to help a "drunk" friend, which for all she knows could be his excuse out of the date!

Oh yeah - and in answer to the comment about "friends and family being more important than a date" - that's a bullcrap excuse. There are TONS of things more important than a date - curing world hunger, improving our schools, doing charity work, etc. ALL of these things could be done during times when you choose to go on a date - but the reality is, these things aren't going to be your whole life, nor should they be taking up every part of your day. So, while your friends and family are important, the fact that you agree to a date with someone means that, for the time you've set aside to be with this other person, you've made them a priority. And, seeing as most people are trying to date women with the intent of having it work out to the point where they can get married to that person and MAKE them their best friend and part of their family, discounting how you treat her on the first date sets a terrible precedent for how you plan on treating her in the future.

Bottom line: YOU wouldn't like it if a girl was checking her messages or trying to bail out early for a date, regardless of what the excuse was; therefore, it shouldn't be acceptable that this guy kept his on. Reality check: if he HAD cut his phone off and his buddy got drunk and couldn't reach him, the buddy would have gotten home fine. Then, he would have called him up the next day, said "oh, sorry dude, I was on a date," and the buddy would have understood. Why? 'Cause he would have been happy his friend probably got some - and what good buddy is going to want to block that from happening???

 

[goldengoose]

Well, I certainly appreciate the time being taken out of your guys' day to ask me questions - I love being able to help you better understand my thought processes as well as where my advice comes from.

For starters, let's take this situation as if it were reversed: you plan a date with a girl and she says "yes" to it. So, you spend a few days trying to find the perfect activity for you guys to get into. Once you do that, you starts spending some valuable time, effort and money to get some clothes for this date so you look good. You wash your car, you take a long shower, spray on some cologne, fill up your gas tank (which, here in Cali, could easily be $50 or more), and head out to pick this girl up.

Now, you've done ALL this prep with the hopes of being able to impress her. And sure enough, when you get her in your car, you're making her laugh, impressing her with your conversation, and you're even beginning to kino her, which she is actually being receptive to! More importantly, though, she seems to be appreciating the fact that you took time out of your day to meet up with her.

But then... while you're at dinner, you're telling her a story and you see her glancing down to her side, checking her phone under the table. Or, you're singing along to a song with her in the car when you see her scrolling her phone on facebook and for messages. Or, in the middle of that expensive concert you decided to take her to, she goes from dancing along with you to answering her phone. And then, just when you think you're going to be able to score with her after having increased her interest all night... she tells you that, despite how much money you've spent on her and how many places you've taken her and how much of a good time she's having, she has to go home now because she got a message from one of her girlfriends saying her boyfriend just broke up with her and - because this particular girlfriend has low self-esteem issues - she HAS to go be by her side RIGHT NOW.

1. Did her friend REALLY just lose the BF, or was this one of those situations where she told her gf to text her so she could get out of the date?
2. Doesn't this friend of hers have OTHER friends she could call up for help?
3. Is this girl REALLY going to leave now, after I've spent all this money on her and took her out to all these places?

You see, this girl is most likely thinking the same thing: she took time out of her day to go out with him - despite the many, many other suitors she could have said "yes" to; she spent money on her hair, make up, dress, shoes, and other things guys don't even think about when preparing for a date (thus dispelling the myth that girls don't spend money on first dates - if anything, they spend a LOT more than we do just to make a good first impression); she practically throws herself at the guy...

...and what does she get in return for her investment? A guy who keeps his phone on during the date, checks his messages, and decides to bail out to help a "drunk" friend, which for all she knows could be his excuse out of the date!

Oh yeah - and in answer to the comment about "friends and family being more important than a date" - that's a bullcrap excuse. There are TONS of things more important than a date - curing world hunger, improving our schools, doing charity work, etc. ALL of these things could be done during times when you choose to go on a date - but the reality is, these things aren't going to be your whole life, nor should they be taking up every part of your day. So, while your friends and family are important, the fact that you agree to a date with someone means that, for the time you've set aside to be with this other person, you've made them a priority. And, seeing as most people are trying to date women with the intent of having it work out to the point where they can get married to that person and MAKE them their best friend and part of their family, discounting how you treat her on the first date sets a terrible precedent for how you plan on treating her in the future.

Bottom line: YOU wouldn't like it if a girl was checking her messages or trying to bail out early for a date, regardless of what the excuse was; therefore, it shouldn't be acceptable that this guy kept his on. Reality check: if he HAD cut his phone off and his buddy got drunk and couldn't reach him, the buddy would have gotten home fine. Then, he would have called him up the next day, said "oh, sorry dude, I was on a date," and the buddy would have understood. Why? 'Cause he would have been happy his friend probably got some - and what good buddy is going to want to block that from happening???

All you're doing is trying to impress a woman who you might not have sex with. You might not even see her ever again after that date. You are putting her over a good friend. That is being a beta. I don't care how many excuses you try to give us. I know you're trying to save face here, but you end up looking really bad.

When I'm out on a date the woman should be impressing me, not me going all out for some chick whom I might not even like.

You take dating way too seriously Harry, when it shouldn't be this difficult. There's no need to go on a big shopping spree looking for the best threads when you should already have a nice completed wardrobe.

You claim to go out on dates 7 nights a week. Does that mean you go shopping for new clothes each day of the week?

So, you spend a few days trying to find the perfect activity for you guys to get into.

Now, you've done ALL this prep with the hopes of being able to impress her.

Or, in the middle of that expensive concert you decided to take her to,

she tells you that, despite how much money you've spent on her

Is this girl REALLY going to leave now, after I've spent all this money on her and took her out to all these places?

This is as beta as it gets Harry. There should be no reason to be spending this much money on a first date. There also should be no reason trying to figure out what you're going to do. You shouldn't have to try to impress a chick this much. First dates should be easy and simple.

She is only going to fvck you if she is attracted to you Harry. Spending days deciding on the perfect date, getting new clothes, spending lots of money trying to impress her isn't going to do sh1t if she isn't atttacted to you. That's what chumps do. That is what you advise.

...and what does she get in return for her investment? A guy who keeps his phone on during the date, checks his messages, and decides to bail out to help a "drunk" friend, which for all she knows could be his excuse out of the date!

See, this is the great beta mentality that I've talked about. Harry, you are worried about what the chick is thinking instead of the well being of your friend. Betas always worry about what a chick is thinking.

Look at it this way Harry, if your date had an emergency she wouldn't hesitate to go help out her friend. Then you would have wasted your money on an expensive date. Then you would feel like a fool because the chick chose her friend over you.

Doing all this impressing and putting your friend at risk over a chick you don't even know is beta behavior.

Oh yeah - and in answer to the comment about "friends and family being more important than a date" - that's a bullcrap excuse. There are TONS of things more important than a date - curing world hunger, improving our schools, doing charity work, etc. ALL of these things could be done during times when you choose to go on a date - but the reality is, these things aren't going to be your whole life, nor should they be taking up every part of your day.

Maybe your friends and family aren't important to you Harry, but they are to me and a hell of a lot more people. You see, a date is just a date, you're not going to have this chick around forever. Your family and friends are more important than a date you barely even know.

How can one person alone cure world hunger and improve our schools? It takes many people to do that and still they can't get the job done. But it takes just one friend to help out another friend. You're making long winded lame excuses.

Bottom line: YOU wouldn't like it if a girl was checking her messages or trying to bail out early for a date, regardless of what the excuse was; therefore, it shouldn't be acceptable that this guy kept his on. Reality check: if he HAD cut his phone off and his buddy got drunk and couldn't reach him, the buddy would have gotten home fine. Then, he would have called him up the next day, said "oh, sorry dude, I was on a date," and the buddy would have understood. Why? 'Cause he would have been happy his friend probably got some - and what good buddy is going to want to block that from happening???

I see chicks checking their phones constantly when they are out with a guy.

You are being a beta worried about what she is thinking. That shouldn't concern you if you're a secure confident man. Alphas put themselves before women. You are putting women ahead of yourself Harry. That is being a beta.

When you are a man of importance, you keep your phone on.

You have no idea if his friend would have made it home just fine. You are just speculating and fabricating stories here.

I can't agree with any of your stories, your advice, or your mind set. Guys who are well schooled in the game will agree with me as well.

Sorry Harry, but this is rookie beta stuff you're preaching.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

First off: "Beta! Beta! Beta!" What is this, Pee-wee's Playhouse?? Is "Beta" today's secret word or something?

Anyway... to get to the origin of my initial point, all I said was he shouldn't have had his phone on. I don't know how having your phone off during a date makes you beta. Whatever. On a date, BOTH parties are trying to impress one another, and constantly checking a phone isn't helping a guy do that. It's not about being alpha or beta, it's about showing respect to that other person for giving up their time.

YES, I also see girls out on dates checking their phones. I do not date these girls - the girls I go out with, I keep my phone off and let them know via my actions that they shouldn't have theirs on either. And they don't.

Me being on a date is, by definition, placing someone else over my friend. And guess what? Your guy friends will do it to if they're smart. Date time is not the time to be thinking about friends and family, it's time taken out to learn about someone who has the chance at becoming more. I refuse to believe you're out on dates with women saying "Man, this dates going great... but I wonder what my friend Bob is up to?" If you are, then maybe you should be dating Bob instead.

For the record: I never said I go out 7 days a week. I said that I got good enough at online dating to where I could have a date everyday of the week; this wasn't the NORM for me, but it did happen a couple of times. With that said: the example given about going shopping for new stuff when going out was given because there ARE guys who actually do this. I was illustrating how much money a guy can spend on a girl, which ends up being a waste when she's being rude by answering her phone on said date. I have enough clothes in my closet to where I don't need to do this - the only money I end up spending on a first date is gas if I haven't already filled up, and whatever thing she ends up ordering at the coffee shop/restaurant/whatever I take her to. And I don't have a problem doing this because, for me, paying for the first date isn't me being beta - I know that she's spent money getting dolled up for me, and I'm not there spending a high amount of money in the first place.

Also, "spending days deciding on the perfect date, getting new clothes, spending lots of money trying to impress her isn't going to do sh1t if she isn't atttacted to you" is a fair statement. I don't know where in the convo, though, you got the idea that I tell guys to spend lots of money on a first date. I always advise guys to take women to things like coffee shops, picnics, walks around town, i.e. cheap dates where you get to know her without breaking the bank. As for the other stuff, dressing up nice and finding a perfect spot to take a girl isn't what chumps do - it's what guys that want to get laid or get a girlfriend do. It's about giving the girl the impression that you see value in your interaction with her, even if it's just the first date. BUT, it's only reserved for girls that are also doing their part to show me she values my interaction. If I show up on a date and she's not well put together or displaying a good attitude, she knows she's not going to hear from me again.

I think guys on these boards have been so burned by the way they've gone about dating that they feel anything that shows they actually WANT a girl is going to make them beta. Reality check: I ask girls out, I look nice on dates, I take them to decent places for dates, I leave my phone off and make them do the same, I do what I can to make a good impression, and - despite all this so-called "beta" strategy - it gets me laid, it gets me girlfriends, and it makes girls want to be around me because they know I'll treat them well. If all this is me acting "beta" in your eyes... why would I care when I'm still getting mine?

 

[Partizan]

You guys sure like to make excuses. Mostly the excuses are for women. That is being a beta. When the guy is too drunk he can't make a transaction like that. If he can't pay or hasn't heard of Uber, that does him no good. It's all about having principles. An alpha has principles and doesn't shed them for a woman.

HUH?? What do you mean he can't "make a transaction like that"? A guy is too drunk to use his phone to pay for a cab but NOT too drunk to use his phone to call you to come pick him up?

You're really not making any sense here. You like to throw around the word "beta" but I don't think you know what it means. One of my principles is not to drive across town just to pick a up a drunkard. So wouldn't that make me an alpha by your definition since I'm following my principles?

LOL.

 

[jurry]

I dont know why i read through all this crap but it was better than working..

 

[goldengoose]

First off: "Beta! Beta! Beta!" What is this, Pee-wee's Playhouse?? Is "Beta" today's secret word or something?

Sarcastic humor isn't your strong suit Harry.

You're being overly dramatic and blowing everything out of proportion. Nobody cares what you do in your personal life. We are disagreeing with your advice. If you want to buy new clothes, go on expensive dates, ignore a friend, you can.

You're trying to push what you do onto us. You do that with all your advice. The same piece of advice you give out isn't going to work for every single guy like you think. Not every guy is the same. When we disagree, you get mad and take offense. You're making this personally about you when it's your advice that we disagree with.

You criticized this guy for helping his friend out during the date. You tried to make him feel like sh1t for doing that and blaming that for the reason the girl ignored him. His friend is more important than some random chick. You obviously feel a date is more important than anything else. This is a rare instance where something happened during his date. Sh1t happens sometimes. You have to go with it. But then you go on a rant saying we are worrying about friends and family on a date? This girl spend enough time with him to know if she was going to have sex. Maybe she wasn't going to. You can't speculate on anything. If she wanted to, she would have. That's what you go on.

 

[Skyline]

BeDJ I don't care that you didn't get the lay, or whatever you wanted, but I think its awesome how you put your bro's first. I know a few guys who would say "find someone else" or something if they were in a situation like that.

Bro's before hoe's, always.