Date Conversation

[dr_devious]

Looking for a bit of advice on here. I met a hot woman on Sat night at a Christmas party, things went well, had a dance, long chat and got her number at the end of the night. So far so good.
I then went out with her for a meal Weds night, things went ok, but she was telling me loads of stuff about her marriage break up, and family stuff. She kept saying "im telling you loads of stuff, but I feel like I hardly know you". I find it hard to talk about myself much to people I dont know, and have got a more limited relationship history, and very little family except my mother. So I found it difficult to return much similar details about me, not that I wanted to spill my beans on a first date anyway.
Im not especially bothered about this chick, but its a recurring theme when I go on dates that women think im too quiet. Any advice?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You said that this woman told you loads of stuff about herself yet you still feel that you don't know her. What does a person need to do in order for you to feel comfortable with them, or does it even have anything to do with the other person?

 

[dr_devious]

Francisco, it was her saying to me that she hardly knows me, not vice versa. She was confiding loads of stuff in me about her marriage break up and family stuff. I couldnt give back much about me in return

 

[insomniac]

Francisco, it was her saying to me that she hardly knows me, not vice versa. She was confiding loads of stuff in me about her marriage break up and family stuff. I couldnt give back much about me in return

Good! You don't want to be talking about those kinds of things anyway (marriage break up?!!)

A bad thing to be doing during a date is following the woman's lead. In this case, she's core dumping her personal problems on you, and your response is to listen and be tempted to share personal things about yourself in return. :nono: Don't fall into that trap. Get her to talk about happy, positive things instead (travel, hobbies, etc.). Also, avoid long, boring dinner dates where you stare across at each other trying to think of things to talk about.

One more thing, being quiet doesn't have to mean socially akward or timid. You can be viewed as "mysterious" if you carry yourself in a confident manner.

 

[Moofahsa]

Dinner is a bad idea for first dates, too much talking.

You don't want to spill all your info so early, cause after a few dates you don't have anything to talk about and still haven't built a decent connection.

Go to a good movie, you can make a move and you don't gotta say ****.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Francisco, it was her saying to me that she hardly knows me, not vice versa. She was confiding loads of stuff in me about her marriage break up and family stuff. I couldnt give back much about me in return

I got that she didn't feel that she got the chance to know you. But you said that you didn't share much about yourself because you didn't feel that you knew her, despite her telling you so much about her and her family. How come?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Dinner is a bad idea for first dates, too much talking.

You don't want to spill all your info so early, cause after a few dates you don't have anything to talk about and still haven't built a decent connection.

Go to a good movie, you can make a move and you don't gotta say ****.

Ok, that was a joke, right?

 

[dr_devious]

I got that she didn't feel that she got the chance to know you. But you said that you didn't share much about yourself because you didn't feel that you knew her, despite her telling you so much about her and her family. How come?

Because Im fairly reserved with new people in general. Also, I didnt have similar information to divulge cos I havent been divorced, had particularly messy relationships, and havent got much family.
I dont think you ought to show ur whole hand early on in any case, im worried im too quiet on dates because this has happened in the past. These were usually online dates, which I find very hit or miss, more miss really. But this woman I met in real life and she definitely fancied me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Because Im fairly reserved with new people in general. Also, I didnt have similar information to divulge cos I havent been divorced, had particularly messy relationships, and havent got much family.
I dont think you ought to show ur whole hand early on in any case, im worried im too quiet on dates because this has happened in the past. These were usually online dates, which I find very hit or miss, more miss really. But this woman I met in real life and she definitely fancied me.

So what exactly is the problem? Is it that you have a hard time getting to know people? Is it that you have a hard time talking about yourself? Is it that you feel that the only way that you can have a conversation with someone is if the two of you have the exact same experiences? Is it that you believe that even if you talked about yourself at all you would "show your hand" and puts you at a disadvantage? Is it that you have a hard time communicating online? You made some mention of all of these things in your last two posts, which is it?

 

[Obsidian]

there is nothing wrong with remaining mysterous. Let her pry the information out of you.

Read Anti-Dump's Machine, for goodness sake. Do a forum search for it.

 

[john paul]

sounds like you need to make your life more interesting so you can talk about it. Find and interesting hobby or two. or you can just make up stuff.

 

[dr_devious]

So what exactly is the problem? Is it that you have a hard time getting to know people? Is it that you have a hard time talking about yourself? Is it that you feel that the only way that you can have a conversation with someone is if the two of you have the exact same experiences? Is it that you believe that even if you talked about yourself at all you would "show your hand" and puts you at a disadvantage? Is it that you have a hard time communicating online? You made some mention of all of these things in your last two posts, which is it?

Im pretty shy with new people in particular, so yes I find it hard to get to know ppl. I can hold conversations with ppl, but I suppose I dont elaborate on things, like a lot of guys. Women in the UK are more talkative general than guys.
And I didnt meet the woman online either.
We are still in touch and meeting up again, so it didnt go that badly.
Ive had a hard time meeting chicks online in recent years. Women that arent even that attractive blowing me out after the first date, that I met online, has knocked my confidence.

 

[dr_devious]

sounds like you need to make your life more interesting so you can talk about it. Find and interesting hobby or two. or you can just make up stuff.

I got hobbies, friends and an active social life. I dont lead a boring life, I still find it hard to trust people and talk much about myself. Talking about hobbies are easy, most of mine are sports related and going out with friends for beer, not too interesting to most women imo