DAMMIT!! Im really pissed at MYSELF! Help!

[KillingTime]

This is a long one but I have a serious problem here, if ya'll have the time id appreciate if you read it all the way through

I swear I am such a lazy, uninteresting person.
I live a very simple life, everything is set into a perfect routine (meaning that nothing interesting or different EVER happens to me.... at 4:00 I eat.. at 8:00 I sh*t, that's how it goes). Conversation wise I'm boring as hell, it's not that I'm shy I just dont have a thing to say... ever. I'm SO dull

So why am I so pissed? I recently met a wonderful girl, definite LTR possibilities, she showed tons of interest in me from the start and constantly tells me how into me she is. The first few days it was magic, I was really laying the C&F on pretty thick.... but after that I just turned into my boring self again.
She still tells me she loves me so much but it doesn't feel the same, it's only been a few weeks and our conversations feel so boring now, I remember the first time we went out (less than a MONTH ago) we were talking and flirting for hours and now it's just plain dull, and you know what?
IT'S ALL ME!!! I can admit that it's 100% MY fault here. She's putting so much effort into it and tries to talk to me etc. and what do I reply with 95% of the time? "Uh huh" or "ok" or I just nod.... I catch myself doing it and I fn hate it! But for the life of me I can't think of a damn thing to talk about, I'm just like in my own little spaced out world.
She even called me on it a few days ago, asking me why I seem so uninterested in her.
I saw that coming, when we're together she carries a good 90% of the conversation but she soon grows tired, then things go silent for a while and I swear I am sitting there with my mind COMPLETELY blank, it's like I'm in a damn coma.

The way this is going I am going to fcuk up something which COULD be great, we have awesome chemistry going on and I can see her trying SO hard to make things work with us and I'm over here going "UH huh" "OK" spaced out like an idiot.

I've had this problem for years. When my step-dad tries to talk to me it's completely one-sided, again im just sitting there replying with "uh huh"... i try and try but it's like I get bored really easily during conversations and start to space out or blank out or something. So it's definately not just a problem with women, my mind is just totally blank during conversations.
Same deal when I was little and at family reunions, people would talk to me and I guess i would seem very uninterested b/c my mom would end up telling them "oh he's over there in his own world"

I absolutely HATE being this way, is this something I can change?? I keep trying but have failed so far.
One thing I can think of is that I maybe have a hard time focusing on things so I lose interest very fast and my mind wanders? Because I think if the other person is putting their part in the conversation I should easily be able to continue from the things they said, but it's like I just don't care about anything anybody talks about. The other thing is that maybe I live such a simple life that I have absolutely nothing to talk about? I'm leaning more towards the former but I think the later could play a role too.

Can someone help me out here? I've finally met a truly great person who has class, looks, personality AND worships the ground I walk on along with putting tons of effort into the relationship and I'm dropping the ball big time.
I want to be interesting and talkative, I'm not shy but I'm just.... I don't know, it's like I don't want to do anything I just want to sit there and put no effort into anything and that's no way to be.
I'm sitting there like I lost 3 fn vertabrae, I want to be fun and interesting!

 

[poohead]

get yourself together and sarge her!

 

[abcd_z]

get yourself together and sarge her!

...right, 'cause that's totally useful.

First, find out about Asperger's syndrome. I'm not sure if your symptoms are a match, but it's worth looking into.

Second, if that's not it, I had a similar problem. I would spend too much time in my head, worrying way too much about the interaction and taking myself out of the proper mental state: talkative, outgoing, and energetic.

One exercise that might help is if you spend a set amount of time (say, 10 to 30 minutes) free-associating verbally. Take whatever comes into your head and link it to whatever the next mental chain is. Get yourself used to the idea of talking out loud. Even if you're drawing a blank, force yourself to talk.

Just be careful there's nobody around, as the results tend to seem a bit...loopy...to anybody who might overhear.

 

[So Many Ways]

There is no easy solution to your problem.

I'm pretty much the same way and I've been that way my whole life.

You're going to have to make a concerted effort to change, every day, every hour, every minute. Social and conversational skills is something I was not born with and I've had to work hard to develop them to the point of being average.

You're going to have to practice, practice, practice having conversations with people. Also, do something interesting. One thing that's helped me quite a bit in the last few months is pursuing an interest that you're passionate about. When you do something you're passionate about, it's like you come alive and the world changes. It's hard to describe it, but you have to do it.

One of the reasons you run out of things to talk about is because you're feeling nervous in that situation and you blank out. Am I correct? the only way around this is practice and just try to distance yourself mentally from what's happening. In other words, don't worry about it! The more you think about what you say, the harder it becomes.

If you want to become fun and intersting, then become fun and interesting. What is it that you enjoy? Do it. You ahve to live life.