"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Damage Control?

Ultracorp

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Here's Some Background,

There is this HB9 at work that I've been seeing. We've gone out (never completely 1 on 1), had a good time did some making out. She does has a "bf" she says she doesn't like anymore but still lives with him, but shes let it be known that she likes me. Last week we split from our group and she seemed really into me, we almost f@#%##.

But last night I think I lowered her attraction to me perhaps. She invited me to hit the town with her, "bf" guy, her friend, and my female friend from work. I didn't really want to go because i failed to see any advantage in going and I wanted to show her that I wouldn't always be easy to hang out with, but she kept asking and I decided to go.

So my female friend picks me up to go to HB9's place. During the drive she says HB9 also likes my female friends brother. That's fine I suppose, but I asked my female friend NOT to invite her bro along to make things easier for me.

So we get to HB9's house and immediately she asks my friend where her brother is....thats great to hear right off the bat. We have some drinks and hit the bars. I had a good time with them at the bar and snuck a couple kisses...then my friends brother shows up. I start getting ignored and HB9 starts dancing with him, I shouldn't be getting too upset but this starts getting to me...I know she likes him too.

Really I wouldn't be too bothered but you have to keep in mind I might have had too much to drink by 2am. When we leave the bar I lost my cool a little. I tell HB9 so you really like her brother eh? She says yeah but I really like you too. I told her well go on and have fun with him, clearly she can see I got jealous and that's what I don't like about this. I think that sort of thing might really turn a girl off.

So now I'm not sure what to do. Like I said, from everything I know this girl likes me...and that other guy too. I was doing pretty well keeping her interested in me but I think I lost some points.

I was thinking I should maybe ask her to do something one on one for once and see what she says. My other idea is talk to her and say hey maybe we shouldn't go out anymore, were co workers and this is all very complicated.

What do you guys think? I'm not pursuing her long term but I do like this girl.
 

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voirdire

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I'd go with your first reaction and ask her out one on one. I think the whole "we are co-workers and this is complicated" thing is thrown out the window because she obviously still goes out with other co-workers. I know, I'd personally would rather deal with her possible rejection then whining to her about not going out again.

She did say she liked you too man, so just go with it.
 

Ultracorp

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That's true. If she declines it's not as if I'm going to throw a fit or die. The one thing I do know is that not talking to her isn't an option, we cross paths too often.
 

voirdire

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Yeah, just play it cool. I personally wouldn't mention the whole you telling her to go with ol' dude either. I'd just pretend that didn't happen and pull moves on her for a date. Question though, what did she do when you said all that?
 

Ultracorp

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voirdire said:
Yeah, just play it cool. I personally wouldn't mention the whole you telling her to go with ol' dude either. I'd just pretend that didn't happen and pull moves on her for a date. Question though, what did she do when you said all that?
So I said yeah you should just go have fun with him since you seem to like him so much and she says well I also like you I'm free spirit right now and my situation is complicated (which it clearly is living with a guy she doesn't like anymore).

We left after that, went back to her place and spent some time together talking about a music project we should work on together (were in the music business). I decided to go home after that because my ride wanted to go.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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voirdire

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Ultracorp said:
So I said yeah you should just go have fun with him since you seem to like him so much and she says well I also like you I'm free spirit right now and my situation is complicated (which it clearly is living with a guy she doesn't like anymore).

We left after that, went back to her place and spent some time together talking about a music project we should work on together (were in the music business). I decided to go home after that because my ride wanted to go.

Yeah, sounds like you're in the clear to me.
 

Ultracorp

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I suppose I'll find out tomorrow. Anyone else want to weigh in?
 
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Ultracorp

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Yeah I know. I didn't mean to get involved but she actually was the one who asked me to go out the first couple times....took me a little by surprise. And shes let it be known she has a thing for me, I'm a little torn between escalating or just saying forget it.
 

flashpoint

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you dont lose much if you go after her. why would you call it quits? just because she has shown interest in another guy? most will, but not all will tell you.

i think your answer that she should go for it, was exactly right. passing the shyt-test so to speak. now keep playing it cool but have a goal in mind. now what exactly could that be?
 

Ultracorp

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Yeah not much to lose at all. I kinda figure I'm going to be more direct and get her out 1 on 1. If she's into me like she's said, I don't see any reason she would decline.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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