Cyberspace or CyberWOMB? long

[lee36044]

First of all this is not a discussin post ... it's a lecture! Reply if you want but I won't be around very long to read them. It's time to move on with a real life. I'm not mad at anyone. Don't feel like sosuave is picking on me. I'm not even taking my toys to play somewhere else cause I got hurt feelings! In fact, it's not just sosuave, I'm leaving the net entirely. It's just time to take my life all the way back into the real world.

I won't bore you with the hows or the whys of the path leading me here. Suffice it to say I had many AFC tendencies and habits ... for most of my life! I'm still rooting them out. I have a very good set of PUA skills that don't apply to what I'm seeking in life. And I have a handtruck of baggage from the past so heavy that at best stops me from moving forward. So heavy in fact that if the path of life is uphill ... I'm in danger of it dragging me backwards.

So I embraced the basic philosophy of DJ and started improving my life. I brushed off those PUA skills and started getting out and mingling. And yes, I realized that the only thing that had ever been stopping me was me! But it all seemed a waste. I rationalized that since it wasn't my goal in life to ro nothing but enjoy an endless succesion of slippery holes, why bother. Truth was I had learned the way .... but wasn't following it.

Worse than that, I kept letting myself be sidetracked. Into endless debates on society and the moral values or lack thereof in women. Into postng sarcastic comments that enlighten no one and probably only amuse a very few. I give cynical advice or spew out pablum that has already been said one way or another somewhere else. I do this under the rationale that it will somehow help me find a path to break the cycles of failure I have lived for so long. I'm sure some of you noticed that most refrences to my own situation were only about the past!

IN ALL OF THIS I NEVER SAW THE MOST GLARING FACT OF ALL! I WAS SPENDING MORE TIME ON THE NET THAN ANYWHERE ELSE!

Some things some of you may want to think about too. I've been on the net for longer than it's been available in this area (darpanet in the late eighties). I've been working with and on computers since the first real PC's came out in about 84. In all of that time ... I never managed to see how much of your life they can take over! I even saw others having their life absorbed but just shook my head and said ..."never happen to me"!

I've been forced to take a long hard look at that lately. It seems you can do everything online. Entertainment, pay bills, talk to people, meet new people, join clubs, plan vacations ... anything. It would seem that all these things would make your life better. That having it would expand your horizons! But the truth I've found is that if you let it, it only narrows your life to nothing.

I woke up to the reality that I work, sleep, and eat in the real world but socialize on the net. I occasionally see friends and in the summer I run a lot, but the truth is that the single activity I spend more time at, other than work and sleep, is socializing on here. And it is insiduous! It creeps up on you because it almost feels like having a real life! And it is easy to rationalize way. Until something finally forces you to see. And what you find revealed is not a life, it is just an existence! Nothing less than a fantasy you have built to avoid the effort and energy it takes to have a real life.

I once built fast cars just for fun! I rode a motorcycle for the sheer joy of feeling the wind in my face! I would see a woman I liked, approach her, and take the chance there might be something there ... and if not ... there was always the one at the other end of bar, across the room, that a friend wanted to introduce me to! Life was fun! Even in this town where the only entertainment "SEEMS" to involve alcohol!

Now I look around and see this: I drive a sensible car new enough that I nevr need to look under the hood. I haven't felt the wind in my face for more than an hour or so at a time in almost twenty years! I prequalify the women I meet online before I ever meet them and then often don't take the chance because it's easy to find fault when there is no personal interaction to determine attraction. I want to have fun but never make the time to do it!

It's not because I've changed, or gotten old, or had my life stolen by marriage, or even destroyed by divorce! It has nothing to do with being an AFC or even with being scared! it's just because it's easier to live in this half life online than to get out in the world and take the chances.

I often think about doing things I used to enjoy, I even started doing some of them when I first found sosuave and was trying to follow the DJ philosophy. But lately, instead of getting out and doing something fun, I always seem to just head on home from work to get online for a while and never take the steps I must to have those things in my life again!

The net is always here! It doesn't make me work for it! And it never leaves me hurt or stranded! It shouldn't be called cyberspace ... it should be called cyberwomb What can I say .. time to grow a pair again and take the chances needed to live a real life! To those of you who have pounded this point in over and over ...thanks! It's true, you can't improve yourself with a keyboard!

If you look around and see that this is your reality too, do something about it! Life is for living. And no matter how hard you try ... cyberlife isn't life! Getting unwired is gonna be harder than kicking a drug habit! It's both seductive and addictive! But what you get when it's done is priceless!

OK enough ranting! Bottom line ... I've woken up. I'm taking my life back. And that doesn't leave room for this. All my accounts will be gone in about a week. E-mail and yahoo quicker than that! The damned high speed account will be gone by the end of the month.

Thanks to all you guys who "debated" my cynicism and pounded the fact of my rationalizing into my head! It wasn't the key but along with some things that happened RW it led to an epiphany. A very simple one but profound ... LIFE IS FOR LIVING!

 

[joekerr31]

life is about balance.

the appeal of the internet isnt so much the socializing as it is the 'type' of socializing.

in forums like this people are able to be brutually honest in ways that would probably have damaging effects on their social life.

with regards to this particular forum such is even more the case. 1) talking to a woman about the topics posted here would 99% of the time be utterly useless. heck, it would often be damaging as they would attempt to convert you to their way of thinking. 2) even talking to other men about this stuff is 85% of the time utterly pointless as the world is filled with men who are either AFC, believe some ridiculous immature things or simply aren't at the stage of introspection and self growth.

so in this regard i actually think the internet is a hugely positive thing.

but once again, its about balance.

as i type this post i just finished an 1.5 hour work out and im taking a 45 minute break before doing another hour of weights.

im exhausted as i type this and if i wasn't doing this i'd be crashing on the couch resting up for my second round.

so its about balance.

in addition, i find posts by rollo and VU almost a relaxation activity. their insights into things just calm you right down and bring you back to a more enjoyable reality and outlook on life. which then makes me stronger in my day to day activities.

anyway, if the net is an addiction for you and you're neglecting other areas of your life, then quiting it is not a bad thing. but all in all, when part of a balanced life i think forums such as these are great.

its amazing to think that people from all over the world are sharing ideas here. 50 years ago this was impossible.

 

[lee36044]

life is about balance.

anyway, if the net is an addiction for you and you're neglecting other areas of your life, then quiting it is not a bad thing. but all in all, when part of a balanced life i think forums such as these are great.

its amazing to think that people from all over the world are sharing ideas here. 50 years ago this was impossible.

You are right Joekerr, but you also laid out the problem for me at the end! to give you an idea, I skipped my workout this morning because I was up late playing on the net. And I ran very late calling a girl to verify plans for later to finish that post! And here I am again answering this when I really should be getting ready to get out for a fun afternoon and evening with her!

And I agree ... I am going to miss the posts from Rollo and VU and many others, including yours ... because some of this epiphany I have experienced has come directly from those observations! But this isn't the only place I interact. Myspace, Yahoo, dating sites, a few technical and production boards. Hell given my profession and the level I am at ... most people would believe my rationalizations of the time spent and reasons for being on them are valid! but life is about balance and my scales are tipped so far towards avoiding life that I have little choice.

For me .. it is like an addiction. I even know where the tendencies came from. It took a lot of years to build up the habit. And to solve it ... I'll have to treat it just like a detox! I've already tried some partial strategies and they don't work.

The whole point of the post was not to down the net ... but to tell everyone on here what I have seen in me so they could check to see if it applies. I'm sure I'm not alone! And most won't need to take such drastic steps. But as I have found, and as many of you have pounded into my head, seeing a problem is always the first step to solving it ... maybe my experience will help others find balance too!

And I do expect to eventually return ... if I can find that balance again. After all ... we aren't talking drugs here! But I don't expect it to be anytime soon.

Regards

 

[joekerr31]

ya. id dump all that other sh*t also. and id dump video games as well.

the only place i typically socialize on the net is here. outside of that i just dont have the time for anything else.

 

[lee36044]

ya. id dump all that other sh*t also. and id dump video games as well.

the only place i typically socialize on the net is here. outside of that i just dont have the time for anything else.

That's the wnole point! Not just sosuave ... I'm unplugging entirely. Computers are going away and the portion I have to access for work is staying at work! And thankfully ... I don't own any game systems (I know rollo says it's a cop out but I'm just too old for them!)

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Lee,


I wish you well on all your future endeavors and manuevers. This is what I always try to remind people of. YOU are the one who determines what decisions are right for YOU. I know that it's just a cliche at this point, but it's STILL true.

"People enter your life for a reason, a seaon, or for a lifetime."

At this point, you have taken AND GIVEN whatever you felt that it was important and neccessary for you to share HERE. One man's addiction is another man's sustenance----and the value of what it is that he consumes may change due to time and circumstance.

I respect the opinions and viewpoints of ALL who post here---especially on this Mature Man Forum. Some here, like JOEKERR, LATINOMAN, KARMA SUTRA, and a HOST of others all either give me new insights, food for thought, or a good, unexpected belly laugh whenever they post.

But there are others here who annoy ME just as much as I probably annoy THEM. So to each his own...lol

But this is STILL good in the sense that polarizing views can sometimes be the equivalent of a "drawing of swords", as it were. There have been times when I have read something on here that has helped me see things differently, and like Clint Eastwood's character said in HEARTBREAK RIDGE, I have been inspired to change by IMPROVISING, ADAPTING, and OVERCOMING.

However, there have also been things and ideas posted on here that make me draw my sword and go into battle. But not so much against the poster, but against the ideas that he has espoused. And when that happens, soldier, the battle lines are drawn. Then it's metal against METTLE. Iron sharpens IRON...

So as a result, and whether due to encouragement or conflict, those things which I believe in, those concepts which I embrace, become MORE solidified within me. That which WAS true for ME, then becomes MORE SO.

So Lee, I for one, encourage you to DO what's right for YOU---whatever that is. Because anything that you're doing with your life RIGHT NOW that you don't think you'll be able to look back on and say "Hey, I'm GLAD I did that.", you probably SHOULD discontinue anyway.


Either way...



...Peace to you.