cut it off before things get worse or try to "fix" things

[foolishbrosef]

She's pretty much the only thing I've got going on here besides graduate school and it's obvious I'm the only thing she has here. I feel pretty pathetic about the latter because I usually have tons of friends when I'm not attending a tiny university in the middle of nowhere (I laid 10 girls in 2011 if you count my current girl, so I can get around). We have great times together 90% of the time, there's a lot of compatibility here.

Anyways, things have been getting worse and worse. First, I found out she wasn't really into the idea of marrying me in any way whatsoever yet she's getting what I would call an Mrs. graduate degree and has expressed interest in ultimately being a housewife. I don't really want to marry anybody at the moment, but I think it's a good sign of the health of a relationship if a girl her age wants to marry the guy she's with.

Second, she told me something like "I started to lose my infatuation with you once I got to know you more." I nearly dumped her after that, but then she just proceeded to freak out and tell me she loved me and had sex with me as usual. No, she's not borderline or anything like that (been there, done that), she's just not attuned socially.

We had a fight about how I do not understand this hyperness and that I don't like the ADHD side of her. She claimed that this is when she is happiest and became extremely upset and concerned that I was going to ditch her. She started crying, told me she'd stop being so awkward/hyper, I can understand that I pretty much just laid into her at that moment because I was extremely pissed off that she is such a different person around her friends from VA. I felt like I was sold a different person if this is what she acts like when she's happiest. I pretty much did everything except dump her at that point .

So, this brings me to my third grievance I have. When we returned to the campfire, she joined a massive dude group hug and she announced to all five or six of those guys that she wanted to **** everybody in the hug except me (I was sitting on the side talking to her ex-boyfriend's girlfriend, haha). When I brought it up with her that she said this, she denied it and continues bringing it up seeing if I still think she's lying about not uttering something, which makes me dislike what she said even more. I don't care if she didn't mean it, because I'm sure she didn't it. I hurt her pretty badly and she was "acting out." However, I just wish she apologized about it; I apologized for being so judgmental of her awkwardness.

I would have dumped her this weekend if the situation at home/graduate school (6 hrs away from VA) wasn't so fucking lacking in social life. It's the last two weeks of the semester and things are busy as hell currently; the turmoil from dumping her would be pretty bad and possibly compromise my grades.

Unless anybody thinks otherwise, I don't think this relationship can be fixed. Every 2-3 weeks, things seem to get worse and worse. She gets back home from work in a few hours and I already got back a half hour ago. I want to just collect all of her stuff, put it in a few boxes, and send her off. I'll feel like **** for months, but with the way things are going, this is only going to get worse.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Yep, send the message you are not to be trifled with.

No pvssy is worth all that emotional anguish and stress.

Go with your gut in this one. She's just a disrespectful sh1t-testing b1tch by the sounds of it. Why reward that sort of behaviour?

 

[foolishbrosef]

I mean, at least now I have figured out the formula for keeping some girl interested in you. You really need to ration out your time with them and not really want to hang out with them very much.

I've done it before with a couple ****buddies and didn't really realize what was happening as their desperation unfolded before me. I "cheated" on both ****buddies (they didn't ever explicitly find out, but it was pretty obvious what was happening) and they probably love me to this day. I used to think the only reason women were losing interest in me during official relationships was because they were better looking than me or because they had so many opportunities.

But really, one of those ****buddies had a ton of "opportunities" and took them constantly (i.e. she had one night stands with hot guys). What does this mean? It at least means my girl at the time was sexy to college jock dudes. However, when I was with her, she never got with any other dudes and it was obvious because she'd let me come over and bang her at any hour of the night. She'd pretty much drop everything she was doing to be with me.

Another one of the ****buddies I had (which I will admit was not attractive) dumped her now boyfriend (back then he was just some guy she was ****ing) to be with me for a few weeks before I left the state to begin graduate school 6 hrs away. The second or third time I was banging this girl, she told me she loved me. I have only had that happen a few times with women during sex and it's always when I don't care very much. One night, I clearly was ****ing some other chick I had just met at a bar and avoided hanging out with her, and before even arguing with me about what I was doing, she prefaced it with "I know you're leaving soon, so I shouldn't ***** so much if you want some time to yourself."

Is it possible to reverse things and turn back to that role with my current girl? What I believe happened with her is that she realized that I'm human and very similar to her (i.e. I know very few people at this tiny campus, I actually fall in love with girls, I can't wait to graduate, and I miss home). I know these kinds of chicks are really weak and this can't be that hard. She wants to do everything with me, so it's hard to meet new people without her in the very limited time I have, but it's gotta be possible.

 

[Serg897]

When we returned to the campfire, she joined a massive dude group hug and she announced to all five or six of those guys that she wanted to **** everybody in the hug except me

Wtf is this? This may be a dumpable offense right there. She is showing a lot of disrespect towards you.

 

[foolishbrosef]

You think so? I gave her a ton of crap for it, but that's meaningless after you have sex with them the next day because you basically end up unintentionally rewarding it. I wanted to dump her, but she has no working car, had all of her stuff in my apartment, and all of my department would have found out about this and proceeded to give her a special treatment because they're all women. I told a couple of her "girlfriends" (girls that just wound up telling me they find her annoying and weird and wished she would stop driving 6 hrs to hang out with their group of friends) about possibly dumping her.

The fact that she denies it just bothers me. It was out of character, she was drunk, clearly acting out and didn't mean it, and I had just pretty much described everything about her I dislike before this happened. I can understand that she was heartbroken because my words weren't very soft: I was honest because I love the girl I know 6 hrs away where we are right now, but that VA version of her that she is happiest as is totally grating on my nerves. This is the kind of girl that is preoccupied with not being a slut and is known among her friends for being modest.

However, she should have just apologized.

What bugs me out here is that it is clear our relationship is having serious problems. Really fucking clear. With that said, yesterday she was asking if we could get an apartment together. Seriously? After all that bull****? I nearly just dumped her a couple nights ago!

 

[SecondHalf]

Wtf is this? This may be a dumpable offense right there. She is showing a lot of disrespect towards you.

I read only this one line.
Dump with a capital D.
Nothing but pain (and disease )comes with this one.

SH

 

[Bible_Belt]

You are learning that there is a difference between the skills to get laid and the skills of keeping a relationship together.

I'm not saying this to make you mad, but I don't think she's done anything wrong. If you can find a woman who will not blurt out stupid sh!t from time to time, I have not yet met her. The problem is in your reaction, and how you tend to take things as a blow to your ego. Stop taking the things a woman says to mean very much. She's probably lying about not wanting to marry you, by the way, but you can't see that this is one of the times that women typically say the opposite of what they mean.

And you can't just scream at someone with a personality disorder that they are not allowed to act whatever way the disorder is making them act. It's pointless, and you only make things worse. Once again, it's really about your ego and thinking that you deserve better. And maybe you do, as long as these same issues don't pop up again in your next relationship.

What bugs me out here is that it is clear our relationship is having serious problems.

Yes. And maybe she's completely in the wrong, and you are 100% right, but being right all the time and being happy are two separate islands. Whether you use this advice in your current relationship or the next one, if you want to stop being so miserable, you need to seriously chill out and stop being so uptight and offended about everything. Being Captain Bringdown will kill your relationship. Negativity and negative reinforcement don't work; they backfire.

 

[Down Low]

I think it would be overreacting to cut it off or to have yourself fixed.

There are other women. You check 'em out every day. Take the next step and flirt.