Cursed?

[The Comeback Kid]

Of course I'm not actually "cursed," but since I've been home with my buddies for a few days, their joking of how I am jinxed what it comes to girls got me thinking. I'm always looking to self-improve and rid myself of these jokes. In fact, they half-joked that they're paying an escort if I don't have a girl by college graduation (still some time away) :crazy:. The point is, while I know I'm definitely not doing everything right, I've noticed some funky tendencies when it comes to me and girls:

- The last five girls I have asked out/been rejected by (that includes being stood up) stared exclusively dating someone else within a month. I don't ask out a LOT of girls, but if I'm interested in one and I know them a bit, I will take the chance. Of these five girls, none are constantly dating or always have a guy or whatever. I don't want this to come off as self-centered, but has this happened because of something negative I did in the process (i.e. the next guy seems much more attractive b/c, "well atleast he's no TCK," or is it all just an eerie coincidence?
-According to my close friends, I seem to get a bit of negativity from girls and not from anything I actually do. No, they don't mean this in a condescending way. They've known me long enough to see me talk to plenty of girls and I'm actually a pretty good conversationalist (I know a lot of topics). However, they've noticed that a lot of girls take out their frustrations on me, and no one knows why. I don't look at them weird, I'm a decent-looking guy, I stay upbeat and try to keep things going and I don't say/do anything perverted at all, but I get the "evil eye" from some girls without really doing anything. Twice, I've had a friend do something dumb and I end up getting yelled at (with a grudge being held afterwards by the girl). Could there be doing something that I'm just not realizing - I feel it has to be something?
-Bridging off the second point, I've never been able to really develop any sort of strong relationship with any girl, even as friends. Maybe I am wee bit tense at first (I'm pretty relaxed once I've introduced myself), but it's not easy getting a girl to open up. They always keep their guard up when I'm around. I talk to some girls in my classes on a consistent basis, I keep things light and have a sense of humor, and we get along well, but when I suggest we hang out (NOT a date, just in a group for a party or something like that), they act as if I asked them to marry me and nothing ever happens. As I mentioned earlier, I'm a normal enough guy who's willing to get along with people, but these girls have no interest in even adding me into their lives in any way. What's a good way to get girls to open up to the extent that they'll be cool with you hanging out with them, even on the weekends in a group setting?

I know all of this sounds like very basic stuff, but there has to be something at the foundation, at the core, that I'm overlooking. I simply cannot buy my friends' claims that I'm cursed because that can't be true. Again, I'm looking to self-improve, and by solving the most fundamental problems here, I feel I can do that.

 

[DonJuan11]

-Bridging off the second point, I've never been able to really develop any sort of strong relationship with any girl, even as friends. Maybe I am wee bit tense at first (I'm pretty relaxed once I've introduced myself), but it's not easy getting a girl to open up. They always keep their guard up when I'm around.

You have to be able to talk to them correctly. I know some guys who can disarm a girl's guard in less than 1 minute.

when I suggest we hang out (NOT a date, just in a group for a party or something like that), they act as if I asked them to marry me and nothing ever happens.

Problem is two-fold.

(1) You should not ask a girl to "hang out". You should ask a girl for a date, a specific time and place to do something with her that you may have in common. "Do you want to hang out?" = "I don't have anything specific planned and don't know what to do with you if you say yes, and if you reject me it won't mean anything because I didn't technically ask you on a date." Very lame.

(2) Never ask a girl to hang out with friends unless you've been 1-on-1 for 10 dates. Why would you? Too uncomfortable, too many distractions, and you risk your 6'1 hockey player friend to take her away and nail her harder than the wood flooring in your house.

We need examples on the way you are asking. There is always two sides to every story.


As I mentioned earlier, I'm a normal enough guy who's willing to get along with people, but these girls have no interest in even adding me into their lives in any way. What's a good way to get girls to open up to the extent that they'll be cool with you hanging out with them, even on the weekends in a group setting?

There is no magical way to get girls to open up. It all depends how smart you are in talking to them. Some guys can get girls to open up and sleep with them in less than 5 minutes.

I know all of this sounds like very basic stuff, but there has to be something at the foundation, at the core, that I'm overlooking. I simply cannot buy my friends' claims that I'm cursed because that can't be true. Again, I'm looking to self-improve, and by solving the most fundamental problems here, I feel I can do that.

We need examples before we can help you.

 

[WC2]

I don't think you're self centered.

I just think you're in a bit of denial.

You can't really learn until you open up your mind to the fact that you may just not be that much of a chick magnet. At the moment anyways.

You ask if your cursed, and the answer is..

NO. Surprise!

People get certain reactions from others for a reason. Once in awhile you'll meet an odd chick who just doesn't give you the time of day, however if it happens to you all the time, then it's time to stop blaming others and look at yourself.

Do you not smile?
Do you not look people in the eye when you talk to them?
Do you speak negatively around others?

I'm running out of reasons why NO GIRLS would accept you as even just a close friend.

Are you secure in your identity? Meaning, do you keep your profile or are you constantly attempting to act differently? Not keeping your identity and trying to act like someone else creates mistrust between people. This is just another thing that could cause you to be shun by others.

I find it hard to believe that you can't pinpoint exactly what is holding you back here. Sometimes we know the answers to our problems, yet we aren't powerful enough to live up to them and admit them ourselves. Think hard. Observe your friends when they converse with women or with anyone for that matter. What sets them apart from you? What are they doing that you're not. Or what are you doing that they aren't doing?

Don't mimic others, however there's no problem in looking to others for answers to your own problems.

 

[nismo-4]

You should never ever ask a girl to hang out. That's nearly a guaranteed rejection.

You should get one of these females to set you up on a date. Your male friends might put some barrier down BEFORE introducing you to mess you up.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks guys - pretty good advice.

DonJuan11 - When I said "hang out," I was referring to girls I don't consider dating material, but those who are still pretty cool. Usually these would be the girls you could party with on the weekends and there would be several people there anyway. But you are right - even with these girls, I could be a little more specific. When I do ask a girl out, of course I have a time and place in mind (I'll say, "Hey [name], let's grab coffee Tuesday at 11am at [name of place]."). So yeah, I have the time and place set when I ask a girl out (I should have made that more clear). As for the other - and perhaps more important point - talking to girls correctly. I talk to girls the same way I would talk to anybody else, though I do add a little more C+F.

WC2 - Trust me, I'm not a chick magnet lol. What I was saying is that I feel I have the potential to pull in chicks with what I have to work with, but I'm messing up somewhere. You're alluding to this possibly being a body language problem, and you might be correct. As for your three questions, I keep things light so I'm smiling for the most part, I make it a priority to look girls (and anybody) in the eye, and I don't think I speak negatively about others - I take the high road to avoid possible conflicts. I always act the same, but I am a little bit insecure about issues such as this (basically experience with girls). I don't change who I am, but I do overthink a bit. If I'm in a setting that I'm not real comfortable in, the only difference in my personality is that I'm a little more shy. I'm going to study my friends the next time we're around a group of girls and see what they do (if they succeed). To be honest, I don't see anything glaringly obvious that I'm doing wrong.

Nismo-4 Yep, as I mentioned to DJ11 before, I'm going to be more specific in asking a girl to hang out. Keep in mind though that I don't ever use "hang out" for a girl I am actually interested in dating - for them, I have the place and time set up. As for using girls to get other girls...I need girls I'm friends with first.

In no way am I saying I'm doing everything right, because I'm not and I know that. However, as I suggested in the original post, I really do not know why I can't connect with many girls at all. I have some flaws for sure, but none are so bad in that I'd be getting all these negative vibes.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

http://www.pherotalk.com

Try out that link. Look up - Instant Openness 'to go' bottle. Spray some on and see if there are different results.

I've never tried it myself since I go on a different sort of system -- but if I were at a desperate point in my life like you are now, I wouldn't hesitate to buy a bottle of:

1) Instant Openness
2) Insant Honesty
3) Ammo
4) A315
5) Insant Gentleman

also get --) Instant Shine -- that's supposed to be a 'feel good' pheromone that will make you smile as it will manipulate the chemicals in your brain to make you feel happy, like a drug. Maybe if you look happier around and have that 'shine' people will vibe better with you. Maybe try it by itself before you try the others to see if that's the root of the problem.

In full bottles and practise spraying them on. If you feel you have a curse and this is just getting to you, maybe it's just your chemistry is a bit off and you need some pheromones to compensate for it. If it doesn't work, you get your money back - and in your particular case, they'll give you double your money back that you paid for it.

When you get into really tough situations like this, then you are priviledged to discover new sorts of solutions that most people wont have the guts to try out. Get your friends to buy you a few bottles if you cant buy it yourself.

I was thinking of buying the above earlier this year but it is against the religious values of this home and I was conflicted about buying it as it's seems like witchery. However, I think I'd buy it if I was desperate enough to try out a radical solution on the deep end.

 

[sodbuster]

I don't think you "get it". Whenever you talk to a girl, you are checking for fcukability. SHE KNOWS that already! You can't hide it from them,so don't try. If you aren't comfortable with your sexuality,you will come off as hiding something or the kiss of death-creepy. SO, your attitude should be "I am a man and I wouldn't mind tapping your keg" BUT I don't have to. So play your cards right young lady and you have a chance

 

[The Comeback Kid]

I don't think you "get it". Whenever you talk to a girl, you are checking for fcukability. SHE KNOWS that already! You can't hide it from them,so don't try. If you aren't comfortable with your sexuality,you will come off as hiding something or the kiss of death-creepy. SO, your attitude should be "I am a man and I wouldn't mind tapping your keg" BUT I don't have to. So play your cards right young lady and you have a chance

I like this advice, but you need to remember...this is in a small class setting. At parties or in most other social situations, I'd agree with you. However, I can't do this in a small class...it just comes off as strange and you don't care at all about the class (apparently this is how girls think at my school), which in effect turns the girl off.

Just to make sure...the first question I posted here, the one about the "coincidence" that the last few girls I've asked out and been rejected by have all found a steady bf within a month (and they're not constant daters)...is that all in my head or did I do something so horrific that the next guy to come along looks amazing? Also, if you have any further tips, anything I can do to get a higher percentage of constant positive vibes from girls and keeping any sort of relationship with a girl (even as friends) as more than just a "flash in the pan" sorta thing?

 

[sodbuster]

You don't need to say it,just have the attitude. As far as the other guys, are they friends? [if they are,find new ones] Guys you know?[could be using you to bird dog for them] or total strangers?

As far as the girls,you LET them drop their negativity on you. You need to call them on their ****. I had a friend do a hump and dump on a girl. SHe got drunk and started bithcing at me. SO, in front of her friends, I told her I can understand you don't like getting humped and dumped,but I'm not the guy you need to yell at. So shut up and leave. Her friend seemed to like me alot after that.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

You don't need to say it,just have the attitude. As far as the other guys, are they friends? [if they are,find new ones] Guys you know?[could be using you to bird dog for them] or total strangers?

As far as the girls,you LET them drop their negativity on you. You need to call them on their ****. I had a friend do a hump and dump on a girl. SHe got drunk and started bithcing at me. SO, in front of her friends, I told her I can understand you don't like getting humped and dumped,but I'm not the guy you need to yell at. So shut up and leave. Her friend seemed to like me alot after that.

The guys are total strangers, I don't know them at all. So what would you say this means in terms of the whole "girl finding a bf within a month of me asking them out" theory? Since they don't know me, they can't actually compare themselves to whatever I did, but maybe the girl is thinking, "well, atleast he's not TCK so what the heck?" While this could be possible, it's not like I'm a disaster lol, I keep my composure and I don't do anything real dumb.

The "calling out" situations haven't occured as much lately (the last real one was before I even started the school year and there weren't any other girls around, just my buddies who concluded the girl was a whacko), but if anything of the sort happens in the future, I'll let them know about it. It's time to buckle down.

 

[Paintballguy]

The Red Sox were cursed too right? That whole BS of being cursed is just that. Don't put yourself in the mindset that you are cursed because you will make what you think actually happen.