"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Curb your Enthusiasm

KarmaSutra

KarmaSutra

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So I'm at work watching my favorite show and at the end of "The lefty call" episode that fvcking flamer Neil Strauss is on my screen. He's playing a cancer patient whom Larry misconstrues as a skinhead and tries to fight him in the Doctors office.

Larry David: "Come on you fvcking skinhead, you piece of sh!t, LET'S GO!"

Neil Strauss (who looks like a sickly syrupy little whiny b!tch): "assh0le."


The scene lasted all of 25 seconds but made me shoot low carb Monster out of my nose.

Funny as hell.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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skirtChaser

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I think seeing low carb monster coming out of somebodys nose is funniest.

new age energy drinks are so gay and overated its pathetic.
drink makers are making a killing over those and its all about marketing, I refuse to buy such lame sh!t and consider it a insult of intelligence to the general public to think anybody would pay 3 bucks (twice as much as beer) for a drink that taste like turd water only to have some "neat" label on it. talk about afc.....prime example...weeeeeeeeak
 
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Potbelly

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skirtChaser said:
I think seeing low carb monster coming out of somebodys nose is funniest.

new age energy drinks are so gay and overated its pathetic.
drink makers are making a killing over those and its all about marketing, I refuse to buy such lame sh!t and consider it a insult of intelligence to the general public to think anybody would pay 3 bucks (twice as much as beer) for a drink that taste like turd water only to have some "neat" label on it. talk about afc.....prime example...weeeeeeeeak
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Wow you're a really angry kid aren't you? Don't be so negative all the time man. Let people drink what they want. Just because you can say something biting and sarcastic doesn't mean you should.
 
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skirtChaser

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who said anything about telling somebody not to drink something?......its just my opinion, sure I'm abrasive, but I've been that way my whole life and has nothing to do with being angry, if you can't handle my opinion just ignore me, I'm not trying to offend anyone, just saying what its about. sorry about the misunderstanding. and if you can't be abrasive, maybe you should try it. don't take it personal
 
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Potbelly

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I was just sharing my opinion too bro. Again, a simple misunderstanding. No offense taken, I don't like those drink too much either. :)
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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skirtChaser

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how about those fancy labeled imported from everywhere bottles of water for $3.50 a liter?.....Its just some water bottled up in a kitchen sink, I get annoyed with all the "target marketing".
red bull, rockstar, monster, any of those "new age beverages" cost no more to produce than a pepsi. all your paying for is some lazy tard sitting around with a bunch of others coming up with names and labels, they even have a energy drink called "cocaine", but I think that has been banned because of its name and target of minors. general pubic is so gullable for crap like that nowadays. it reminds me of the way women play desperate dudes.
 
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DonJuan11

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What's your name? Lisa
Where are you from? 9th street
Where are you going? To the party
Can I come ? Uh huh

We were dancing all night long
 
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