Cultural issues in LTR

jhonny9546

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Hi there!

There are people who get attacked here on the forum, even though they are trying to learn from their lives and experiences. These individuals want to connect with others, whether they are more experienced or not, who have gone through similar situations but in different cultures.


This might seem trivial, but it actually generates a lot of dissent here. It’s easy to understand how people who have lived in the United States try to give advice to those living in Italy.
For example: as soon as they see posts that they consider problematic, users are mocked, and the forum takes on a different tone. We cannot blame anyone; we simply need to recognize that our cultures are different.


Speaking from my experience, I don’t know if it works the same way for you but in Italy, the relationship between men and women has deep historical roots.

In the 1930s, men would get angry easily while women managed the household and raised children—often 7 or 8 per family. Relationships were forced and often based on hatred and fear/dread as was the case with my grandfather and grandmother.

Fast forward to my father’s generation in the 1960s, where there was an attempt to replicate what had been done before but with fewer children—less than three per family. The situation remained similar but men were more sensitive and reactive while women had a more dominant role.



Using my father as an example, I see that he perfectly represents the Italian man-woman relationship. Many families are structured this way; it’s the majority in Italy. Men are very reactive to women’s tests and can get angry easily. They are reliable but lose control quickly (just a bit of traffic can ruin their day or have them swear god).
When their wives are on their menstrual cycle, they might "run away" to find comfort at the nearest bar, where they gossip with other men who have done the same.
With children, there are issues because they struggle to command respect or discipline them. They possess some positive traits derived from their negative behaviors: the IDGAF attitude and irrational confidence stemming from their fixed mindset.

Most of current relationships, for example my friends with their high school girlfriends follow this pattern. Couples who have reached their 40s exhibit similar behaviors to those of my parents. Sometimes I wonder if the man described here as a "DJ" is truly what women are looking for, in Italy, considering they also grew up with feminine/broken fathers and dominant mothers.
Basically any father here in Italy it's not replying well to a **** test, but the contrary.. and that keep him in a LTR? How strange...
That’s why I see men who could embody good "DJ" behavior being regarded as high-value men in Italy; they may be successful sexually but fail in relationships.


Living something for which we weren’t programmed hurts because we’ve wasted time doing things incorrectly. It hurts even more to realize that we must accept our flaws and continually learn more.
But when you elevate yourself above the mediocrity of those around you, women notice it.
Most importantly, You too!
You will feel different: independent and mature.



Now returning to the issue of cultural differences: Is the situation of monogamous relationships in Italy similar to that in your country? What do you consider to be the ideal monogamous relationship, and how could it be applied in your cultural context? Given the conditioning received by both sexes, does anyone truly know what they want?
If someone grow up in this kind of LTR, let's say a woman, how could she desire a "DJ" when is father is a "women" in the first instance?
 

FlexpertHamilton

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I can't really answer your questions but I do also agree this board and men in general are ignorant of how cultural differences effect dating strategy, intentions, expectations, etc. For instance, many men insist you must wait for the women to "push" for a relationship, but in some cultures it's probably the mans job to lead every single bit of the interaction, including setting the tone of and expectations of the relationship and expressing desire to be commited, and a man's passivity in this context could be seen as weakness.
 

BaronOfHair

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Hi there!

There are people who get attacked here on the forum, even though they are trying to learn from their lives and experiences. These individuals want to connect with others, whether they are more experienced or not, who have gone through similar situations but in different cultures.


This might seem trivial, but it actually generates a lot of dissent here. It’s easy to understand how people who have lived in the United States try to give advice to those living in Italy.
For example: as soon as they see posts that they consider problematic, users are mocked, and the forum takes on a different tone. We cannot blame anyone; we simply need to recognize that our cultures are different.


Speaking from my experience, I don’t know if it works the same way for you but in Italy, the relationship between men and women has deep historical roots.

In the 1930s, men would get angry easily while women managed the household and raised children—often 7 or 8 per family. Relationships were forced and often based on hatred and fear/dread as was the case with my grandfather and grandmother.

Fast forward to my father’s generation in the 1960s, where there was an attempt to replicate what had been done before but with fewer children—less than three per family. The situation remained similar but men were more sensitive and reactive while women had a more dominant role.



Using my father as an example, I see that he perfectly represents the Italian man-woman relationship. Many families are structured this way; it’s the majority in Italy. Men are very reactive to women’s tests and can get angry easily. They are reliable but lose control quickly (just a bit of traffic can ruin their day or have them swear god).
When their wives are on their menstrual cycle, they might "run away" to find comfort at the nearest bar, where they gossip with other men who have done the same.
With children, there are issues because they struggle to command respect or discipline them. They possess some positive traits derived from their negative behaviors: the IDGAF attitude and irrational confidence stemming from their fixed mindset.

Most of current relationships, for example my friends with their high school girlfriends follow this pattern. Couples who have reached their 40s exhibit similar behaviors to those of my parents. Sometimes I wonder if the man described here as a "DJ" is truly what women are looking for, in Italy, considering they also grew up with feminine/broken fathers and dominant mothers.
Basically any father here in Italy it's not replying well to a **** test, but the contrary.. and that keep him in a LTR? How strange...
That’s why I see men who could embody good "DJ" behavior being regarded as high-value men in Italy; they may be successful sexually but fail in relationships.


Living something for which we weren’t programmed hurts because we’ve wasted time doing things incorrectly. It hurts even more to realize that we must accept our flaws and continually learn more.
But when you elevate yourself above the mediocrity of those around you, women notice it.
Most importantly, You too!
You will feel different: independent and mature.



Now returning to the issue of cultural differences: Is the situation of monogamous relationships in Italy similar to that in your country? What do you consider to be the ideal monogamous relationship, and how could it be applied in your cultural context? Given the conditioning received by both sexes, does anyone truly know what they want?
If someone grow up in this kind of LTR, let's say a woman, how could she desire a "DJ" when is father is a "women" in the first instance?
Cheer up, J... For the past two decades, men(and, for that matter, most women) in The US-be they in The Oval Office or waiting tables at PF Chang's-have worn their public meltdowns in face of the slightest difficulty like badges of pride

Life here isn't that much different from life in Italy
 

jhonny9546

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Cheer up, J... For the past two decades, men(and, for that matter, most women) in The US-be they in The Oval Office or waiting tables at PF Chang's-have worn their public meltdowns in face of the slightest difficulty like badges of pride

Life here isn't that much different from life in Italy
I always wondered if what I see here in LTR's is the same across the majority of "developed countries".

Also, I always wondered if the women leaving this generation are really into more submissive, reactive, childish man instead of DJ's, because of the trauma, cultural expectation and broken education the family create in their childhood.
 

Ricky

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I think we really have to look at things through different lenses but realize that we can endlessly categorize people also, never get into the "all women are like that" mindset but realize that there can be similar programming among them.

Culture of course can play a big role in someones beliefs. I also believe that someone family background plays a huge role. Attachment style theory is something i knew zero about before my marriage issues but it explains a lot of the behavior i see from my wife.

I wouldn't think women would want more submissive, reactive childish men. A lot of women (and men) having trouble making decisions, so they look for confident people with leadership skills. People who take action. Sure women (and men) will resist authority, fight back, but they respect it more than the submissive reactive types you mention.
 

BaronOfHair

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Also, I always wondered if the women leaving this generation are really into more submissive, reactive, childish man instead of DJ's, because of the trauma, cultural expectation and broken education the family create in their childhood.
Women-like all humans-will SAY they desire something, even when their behavior dictates otherwise. Thus, it's not at all uncommon to hear chicks in The Post-Industrial West claim "We want men who will treat us as equal partners", even as they're soaking their knickers for men who are more powerful than they are, who will be their leaders
 
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