Crush on a CoWorker

[Disturbed]

I know! I know! most of the people reading this thread's title will be thinking that this guy is playing with fire: you don't dip your pen into the company's ink. Luckily for me , I am not that AFC and feel that I am capable of approaching situations with tact. Normally I would be wise and wouldn't let anything take any precedence over my career because I believe that it is most important for me to look after myself. How the hell do I get myself into such a situation and develop a oneitis with a woman I work alongside with? I have been single for a while and haven't been going out to places where I could meet new chicks. The only chicks I get to see are the ones from work. That is not to say that this chick that I am after is not worth it just because I don't have that many options. On the contrary, I tend to be very picky when it comes to women and get crushes only once in a full moon. Now this chick is a 8 in my mind; may be considered a 7 by others. It is not her physical beauty that attracted me most to her. It is her attitude and outlook in life that give her the appeal. I will use adjectives to describe the way she is: adventurous, professional, hyperactive, self-absorbed, able to stand up for herself, somewhat irrational. A lot of you might be asking why would I want that in a girl; I say to each his own. Anyways to describe my relationship with her so far. I have been working at her company for only 1 month; which means I had only known her for a month. To most of the girls that work at the company, I had tried my best to appear as a suave as could be. I would constantly bust at them and tease them about many things. The crush of mine had also been a victim of my playfulness but to a lesser extent than the others. The reason is purely coincidental; she didn't happen to be around where I was hanging out as much as the other girls. I would not get out of my way to give her more attention than the other girls even though she meant more to me. I hope that with time, I will be able to bust on her more because I have good ideas on what to bust on her; I mentioned earlier that she does some irrational things, good opportunity HUH? Anyways I am confused about what I should do next. I have some questions that I hope some DJs here can respond to:

Have I done good so far? (I don't think she is aware that I have a crush on her since I don't give her more attention than other girls)

What more can I do to make myself more hot to her?

What should I by all means not do, because it will extinguish every trace of goodwill she has had of me?

Is she worth pursuing or should I abandon it altogether?

Should I just SINK or SWIM and tell her outright that I have feelings for her and suffer the consequences if she says NO?

 

[floorman81]

Obviously if you like this girl and she is everything you mentioned, she is worth pursuing.

Why not just ask her to grab a bite to eat after work sometime? You two can be getting off work and just say, "Hey I'm hungary, how about you?"

As far as "making yourself more hotter to her," that is kind of silly. No offense, but just be yourself and don't suplicate and if she's interested, great...if not it seems you have established yourself well with other girls.

Whatever you do, do not "tell her" of your feelings. Just act upon them and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Disturbed]

Obviously if you like this girl and she is everything you mentioned, she is worth pursuing.

I may have mentioned that there may be risks involved. Imagine the awkwardness that will result if she happens to reject me after I ask her out. I cannot just NEXT her like any other girl. In principle a NEXT will only work if the girl in question is out of your life -- that means out of your sight. This obviously does not work in my case.

Why not just ask her to grab a bite to eat after work sometime? You two can be getting off work and just say, "Hey I'm hungary, how about you?"

Interestingly, [NO PUN INTENDED] I believe that the only shot I have to be alone with this girl is if there happens to be a Bungee jumping event taking place in the country. It just so happens that we both discovered this about each others; we both have a love for Bungee jumping. I wouldn't hesitate to ask her out on such a date because my intentions would not seem so apparent. I would take her out on the premise of us enjoying the experience, not so I can hit on her. In that way I will be met with less resistance.

As far as "making yourself more hotter to her," that is kind of silly.

What I meant by this is should I dial up the ASSH0LENESS and HARD TO GET behaviors or should I just tone it down?

 

[Disturbed]

Mr Super Gigalo DJ

I want you to know that there are 2 types of AFCs:

the ones that are a lost cause and have no hope in improving their ways and wind up losers for eternity.

the ones that are willing to invest some time in improving themselves so that they can pick up more women.


I'm part of the second legion. Let me ask my questions and receive my feedback. Quit acting like a wanker.

 

[floorman81]

Originally posted by Disturbed
I may have mentioned that there may be risks involved. Imagine the awkwardness that will result if she happens to reject me after I ask her out. I cannot just NEXT her like any other girl. In principle a NEXT will only work if the girl in question is out of your life -- that means out of your sight. This obviously does not work in my case.

Ok it seems like you are putting waaaay to much meaning on this one girl. There is risk involved with any girl you ask out, in fact, if anyone tells you they have a risk free scenario, they are lying! Guys date girls they work with all the time, especially people our age. It is not that big of a deal!

As far as the comment abou the "only chance I have of being alone with her." It sounds like you have already determined you aren't worthy of her and that she would turn you down. You need to ask her out to dinner so she will know your intentions and you can get out of the friend's zone.

Just ask her out and you'll be a better man for it. No regrets!!

 

[Disturbed]

You need to ask her out to dinner so she will know your intentions and you can get out of the friend's zone.

I do not consider that we are in the friend's zone. For that matter, our relation to each other is still undefined. I have only known her for a short period of time. As time passes, it will be determined whether I am the boyfriend or the friend.

It sounds like you have already determined you aren't worthy of her and that she would turn you down.

I am still confident about myself. So far I have not made a gaffe out of myself in front of her. I am capable of speaking to her with strong eye contact and do not hesitate to bust on her when I get the chance. That does not smell like worthlessness, now does it?

Just ask her out and you'll be a better man for it. No regrets!!

Could it be too soon? I don't know much about her yet. I don't know if she is involved with anybody. I don't know what she does or where she goes when she is outside work. Don't you think there are a few things I have got to know before I push the envelope. I even think that it would be a good idea if I asked a fellow male co-worker (that knows her more than I do) to tell me what he knows about her and if he thinks it is a good idea for me to hit on her.

 

[Disturbed]

thanx SuperGigaloDJ. I think the best thing to do is to go out and get more options because I do not want to be at her mercy. I should hang out more at public places like my old university.

 

[PRMoon]

Make sure you're up to code on your companies sexual harrassment policies. Not saying she'll file suit against you but fortune favors the prepared mind.

Also make sure you remain professional while at work. It's nice to have a girlfriend at the work place but remember, its still your place of buisness and has to be taken somewhat seriously. Hmmm irrational eh, I'd make sure at least a few people know the nature of your relationship, irrational people may be "fun" but they make irrational decions too which might get you in trouble down the line. It couldn't hurt to have some good testimony on your side should things go bad later.

CYA man. Don't expect the worst, but be prepared if it does happen.