critique my online dating profile

[dj ben2]

ok before you guys get started, NO it is not my only source of meeting girls, im 20 and go out and have quite a good social life but i dont think it could hurt to be fishing a few rods at the same tim. i did a bit of researching on how to make a good profile and have 3 good photos up, one of me feeding my baby brother, one of me with a group of friends and one of me dressed very well with my best friend, but anyway all constructive critisism welcome.

tagline:

lucky for you i dont have a pricetag.

my description:

Who am I? . . . I'm wolverine. Wait, no, he was from a movie! . . . . . I would describe myself as stable, goal-oriented, love to have fun, i mean we're only young once. I enjoy making people laugh. I am intelligent and can carry on meaningful conversations. am fair but not a pushover.
Some of the things I enjoy are aikido, social events, parties, birthdays, bars, watching a good blockbuster movie, travelling, going snowboarding, having a chilled out night night at home every now and then. To some of my friends disgust i do enjoy a good chickflick and a cuddle, but hey, we're not perfect. Love going to festivals! and basically anything action packed and fun.
Words are clearly not enough and im not going to write 2 pages worth of information like some other guys. but the best part of me? cant tell you yet, you'll have to find out so hit me up and dont be shy.

Who im after

im looking for someone special that i can be spontaneous and adventurous with. Im after someone who has a good sense of humor and likes going out and doing things! someone who is a giver, not a taker and has similar qualities and desires, someone who i can connect with . . . . . . I feel there has to be mutual physical attraction for there to be good chemistry between two people. So being fit and having good looks are important, as well as sensuality and affection. . . . . . Having some similar interests helps. But all in all i want someone i can have fun with! and isn't afraid to be a woman.

 

[oneboy21]

Profile looks good to me
Try to upload a few more pictures of you which includes you being sportive. where you are involving in any sport activity

Also, your luck purely depends on your looks and race. If you are good at sending emails and opening them you will have more luck

 

[vatoloco]

"This thread is worthless without pics."

You could have the most awe-inspiring, funny, witty, sexy, etc. profile but if your pics fail, it's all moot point.

 

[loveshogun]

Make it shorter, clean up your grammar and punctuation. Otherwise, it's probably fine.

I just re-enabled my account on OKC to give you my version of an "effective profile."

Self Summary:

Sardonic.

It's tough to suck as hard as I do at this whole internet everyone-knows-everything-about-you thing.

Anyway, this is a funny site that I joined a while ago so I could take an even funnier test. Turns out I'm just as horny as I always knew I was.

What I’m doing with my life:
Your mom. And your friends.

I’m really good at:
Writing, dancing, and video games. And math.

There's a little more, but the answers are all about the same. I'm sardonic, so I try to show it rather than tell - I describe myself as sardonic, and then all of my answers are sardonic as well. It's not so much "I'm sardonic, so I basically make jokes about stuff." It's more like "I'm sardonic. You're ugly. Goodbye."

So, if you're adventurous, put up adventure pictures, etc etc. All the same rules apply as in the real world when trying to put your best foot forward, but it's harder to prove yourself.

Show. Don't tell.

 

[dj ben2]

Thanks forthe replies guys I think I'll shorten it a bit and remove the i am this and I am that parts, hey espi good to see your still hanging around mate it's been a few years for me

 

[dj ben2]

ok so ive shortened my description a fair bit... what do you guys think?

I love to have fun, I mean we're only young once. In saying that Festivals are the best! If your going to stereosonic or defqon1 you already get a +1.
Some of my hobbies are aikido, watching a good blockbuster movie, parties, birthdays, bars, having a chilled out night at home every now and then. i love surfing even though i'm rubbish at it, but hey, I'm not perfect. I basically like anything action packed and fun. But the best part of me? Cant tell you....yet. Anyway words aren't enough so girls no need to be shy.

 

[loveshogun]

ok so ive shortened my description a fair bit... what do you guys think?

I love to have fun, I mean we're only young once. In saying that Festivals are the best! If your going to stereosonic or defqon1 you already get a +1.
Some of my hobbies are aikido, watching a good blockbuster movie, parties, birthdays, bars, having a chilled out night at home every now and then. i love surfing even though i'm rubbish at it, but hey, I'm not perfect. I basically like anything action packed and fun. But the best part of me? Cant tell you....yet. Anyway words aren't enough so girls no need to be shy.

My corrected version:

I love to have fun - I mean, we're only young once. In saying that, Festivals are the best! If you're going to stereosonic or defqon1, you already get a +1.

I like aikido, watching a good blockbuster movie, parties, birthdays, bars, or chilling out at home every now and then. I love surfing even though I'm rubbish at it, but hey, I'm not perfect. I basically like anything action packed and fun. But the best part of me? Can't tell you... yet. Anyway, words aren't enough, so girls, no need to be shy.

Hate to make you relive your grade school days, but there's a difference between what you can get away with in speech, and what you can get away with in writing. If you had narrated all that to me, there would have been no noticeable mistakes. However, when you wrote it down, it can make you look less intelligent than you are. You don't need anything working against you.