Crippling Fear..Well Almost

[kk2004]

Today I went to a Barnes and Nobles.... drove my family there...to buy some books for my brother.

Now I was looking at some books when I noticed two sisters walk in. These women were gorgeous, I would kill to get with them...easily. They where Hb 10..both of them looks wise..She had a sexy face just the right amount of breasts and body and she didnt even have that look on her face and she looked quite open and relaxed. One was kinda uptight but..not such a big deal.

Anyway I spot them and one of them makes eye contact with me..and maybe 30 seconds later walks behind me and starts to look at the books on the rack behind me.. So all I would have had to do was turn around and use an opener. Well I didnt. Ill tell you why later.

Then Im waiting in line at the starbucks cafe and I'm in line and they are standing to my right maybe half a foot away, one of the other sisters gives me eye contact. They're where just talking..every few seconds and then there would be a lull in the conversation. After they had ordered I stood by the pickup place and they come and stand right behind me. I could have easily turned around and smiled at least or w/e..or said something.


But you guys cant imagine what my body felt like. I was in such fear that i was almost frozen.most of the time. I was speaking to my mother who was standing next to me.. and the words would come out so fast bcuz i was trying to get them out so fast. My hands and my legs felt so locked up, my mind coudnt even think anything..it was flooded with the flight response. All i could feel and concentrate on was my fear. I was having a panic attack almost..I tried to calm myself down.. and remind myself that they where just girls..but all the movement in my body felt really wierd and it felt like the gears in my body hadnt been oiled for a long time. My neck was stiff and my arms felt heavy. My legs weighed a million pounds. My jaw was locked shut and my mind cund think up of a single thing to say.

Thats my story around hot girls most of the time. It happens all the time nfact.. I dont even know what it is.

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by kk2004
Thats my story around hot girls most of the time. It happens all the time nfact.. I dont even know what it is.

It's called FEAR. And you let it take over.

What you have to do is start doing a bunch of cold approaches. Don't wait so long! When they make eyecontact, just smile and walk up to them. Even if you are shaking with fear, still walk up and approach. The world will not end. You'll be fine, trust me, I used to be like that for most social situations, not just girls. All you need to do is face your fear and conquer it.

It seems from the very start you put way too much importance on these girls...so, they're hot, so what. You have to approach with the attitude that, sure she's hot, but is that all she has to offer? There's so much you can read on this, so I won't delve into it much...

...but, reading is second to experience, so get out there and start scaring the sh*t out of yourself...

and also, watch Fight Club if you haven't already...read that first quote in my sig

 

[bbestar]

you need to practice... mentally...

This is what I do when I play sports, such as tennis...

I imagine the correct swing(technique)
Then act on it mentally and physically while my eyes are closed..

By the time im on the court I have the correct swing and hitting sampras like forehands.

Find the best technique for you, wether it be yourself(fire him) nlp ross, or other pua guru's.

Then practice by yourself, practice with best friends... then you should be ready for the real thing

 

[kk2004]

ic

thx for the great replies.. anyone else have any suggestions

 

[brenbaus]

dont let them get to you dude, its just a girl, they have problems just like you and me, they eat and sh*t like you and me, the only thing is they are the object of some man's (in this case yours) affection

 

[chili kat]

Imagine them as becoming eventual b!tches that'll break your heart, take you for everything you're worth, ride your buddy like a seahorse in the park and then dump your ass for a football player. Imagine her ex outside in the rain sobing in tears and clung to the window screaming "You said you loved me!"

Then approach.

 

[BackToTheMack]

Stop rejecting yourself and reject your fears instead. What you are doing is rejecting yourself you have a perfect oppurtunity to meet 2 attractive woman and you tell yourself things like:

"they are to attractive for me"

"they wont like me"

"i am not good enough"

All you are doing is rejecting yourself instead of that you should be rejecting your fears. As soon as you feel that fear come over you REJECT IT tell it to go away. You are so good at rejecting youself rejecting your fears should be simple.

So work on it.

Oh and picking up with your mum around not a good idea.

 

[kk2004]

ic

well..its not me rejecting myself. wel maybe thats what it is. But its more like my body controling my brain. I lose all control and my nerves feel so horrible.. I cant control my nerves or I have to try so hard.

I really dont know how to dtop that horrible feeling thats controlling my nerves and stopping me from saying hi.

I can tell it to go away..but lol. that doesnt do much. The funny hting is that there are NO thoughts going through my head at all. Its just my body feeling this horrible nerves.

When i get this nervous I can NEVER think of stuff to say, bcuz my mind is takin over my something less. And then saying it is hard its like sticks in my mouth.

 

[kk2004]

ic

bump

 

[Docs]

I know what you need.

3 seconds and decide.

You decide, either by randomizing, picking or just going to hell with it, and you do it.

 

[Taser]

CA Practice

kk2004:

I've never been skydiving. If I had to jump from a plane right now, I'd have a heart attack. But let's say I've done fifty jumps--it'd be no big deal, right?

Cold approaches (CA) are stressful and you're having an understandable reaction. The stress makes your mind go blank, so you can't think of anything to say. You get more stressed because you can't speak. It feeds on itself.

For you, skydiving = CA. You just need to get some jumps under your belt. As you get used to jumping from a plane, it won't be so stressful.

Continue to CA. To start, just keep it simple (in a non-AFC way). Within 3 seconds of seeing a HB, pick out something unusual to comment on. DON'T tell her her eyes are pretty. Tell her: "I like your bag." Not many guys would say that. If convo flows from there, great. If it doesn't, remember that the purpose is for you to learn that when you speak to a woman, you won't die.

As you get more relaxed, you can get fancier with your 'observations.' Maybe add a neg hit: "I like your bag--my mom has the same one." With proper delivery, this is C&F.

With practice, you'll be number closing with the best of them in no time. The Bible has tons of stuff on CA. Practice make perfect. Keep your expectations low initially but build on them every day.

 

[Mintyfresh]

if you have to use drugs used for social anxiety treatment, but whatever it takes make sure you get out there and talk to random girls

do whatever it takes, basicly you get better and less afraid over time

Trust me i have/had social anxiety disorder and I can go out and get girls numbers and s-hit. The fear is intense at first, but you get over it. (Actually having the girls not flake on me is another story, but hey getting over social fear is a huge step for me).

 

[Arioch]

I shoot for the three-second decision myself, but I have a long way to go to attain it. I'm so indecisive. I have to decide in advance to make my decision within three seconds, it's silly.

Never panic. Don't panic when someone is choking, don't panic during a terrorist attack, and especially do not panic over a girl.

It sounds like you have it bad though. Maybe you should see a professional. Until then, though, I suggest you forget about talking to them and focus on learning to control your panic. When you feel yourself start to panic, f*ck the world and just close your eyes. Focus on yourself. Concentrate on taking slow, deep breaths. Take no more than seven, and then open your eyes.

Hopefully when you've opened them, you've stopped panicking. If you feel yourself start again, make sure you keep the same rhythmic breathing. Keep your eyes open, but unfocus them if you have to. Think about the breathing, and nothing but the breathing, but again for no more then seven breaths.

Don't think about those girls, they aren't worth this stress. Think about yourself and your breath.

Hopefully you will eventually find that you don't panic when they look at you or are around you anymore. Maybe it will only be when they make eye contact. Now you're going to have to push yourself. Maintain that eye contact. Focus on her eyes. Don't look away, try to maintain the same relaxed breathing. Concentrate on just staring into eyes. Don't think of them as a woman's eyes, just think of them as eyes. Detatch yourself from the context of the situation and focus on your goal. When those eyes look away, wait one full second before looking away yourself. Turn your back to her if you have to. Go back to closing your eyes if you have to.

Keep it up until you can do eye contact. Move from making eye contact to walking past them and saying hi. When you've gotten there, well, write us, or start boot camp.

I do the seven-breaths technique whenever I am distressed but don't want to or can't get away from the situation. Courage grows from facing your fear. You must resolve to face it whenever possible, to push yourself every time, or else you will never grow.

--
Arioch: Tall. Long. Great.