Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

[corrector]

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet and she scrolled down her phone and ended up talking to someone else. The lunch was over and I just walked out back to my desk.

The issue is I felt blissfully happy about the whole encounter. I felt like I was on a high for the rest of the evening because I was physically sitting next to her. I did whatever I wanted to next to her. Ate my salad bowl, had minimal to no interaction with her, watched my own TV, and she was doing whatever she wanted to as well. Ironically it felt like I had more fun compared to sitting on a table my myself despite there being no social interaction or positive feedback about the whole thing coming form her.

The idea of doing this was that I felt jealous when I saw another guy sit next to her for lunch the previous day. My blood boiled when I saw that and I had intense emotional feelings that carried over for a few days, and I'm like, why am I like this, if I feel it's such a big deal, then I can do that myself. The other guy wasn't present today in this room so I took the plunge and approached her. She did not get up and walk away before I got up and left despite there being a number of unoccupied seats nearby.

Now, I never actually sat next to a girl in that position before and ate together with her in a social setting where other people can see us together that close. Honestly, not even with my exes or any lady that I can remember in the past. This was like the first time I EVER did something like this and was even more surprized, given the absence of social interaction/other activities she was doing, she didn't actually walk off, like that other girl did in the GYM, back in 2018 when I went to a threadmill next to hers and started putting on my Tablet.

I'm leaning on this was some social experiement, that there is no real intent in pursuing anything romantically with her given the rather happy state of mind after the encounter, rather than it being some informal date going badly, otherwise there would be negative emotions associated with this. Shouldn't I be feeling bad since there was virtually no connection? Why am I so happy about this and even want to do that again even if it has the same outcome? What is the deal with this? Should I be feeling bad about this?

 

[Dr.Suave]

If eating next to her makes you happy, keep doing it. Dont over think it.

 

[Rainrain]

How close where you to her?

 

[corrector]

How close where you to her?

No history, just a one chat in the past. My reaction was misplaced as though she was someone I was close to in the past?

Something just hit me hard at the time, I cant figure it out why I had that reaction. Thought it was some dry spell madness or something.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Thing you need to understand is the vast majority of women are not evil monsters looking to destroy your confidence

Most of them understand its difficult for a man to approach and most will at the very least be polite about it

But once that initial ice is broken and she has received you the ball is back in your court , you need to lead the conversation not expect her too

Remember men lead women follow

She was probably expecting you to start conversation with her , she would have felt more awkward by the fact you didn't

 

[corrector]

Thing you need to understand is the vast majority of women are not evil monsters looking to destroy your confidence

Most of them understand its difficult for a man to approach and most will at the very least be polite about it

But once that initial ice is broken and she has received you the ball is back in your court , you need to lead the conversation not expect her too

Remember men lead women follow

She was probably expecting you to start conversation with her , she would have felt more awkward by the fact you didn't

I did try to start a convo and asked how her lunch was and about the show she was watching. However it did not feel like she was putting much effort into a reciprocal convo. It also appeared like I had some brain fog at the same time plus I dont have much convo skills as there is no real opportunity to practise them since you need willing women to talk to in the first place.

This more going on a blind assumption that if you hug a woman or sit next to her that you are more familiar with her and that will generate attraction due to familiarity. I did have a convo with her in the past when we sat face to face.

I hugged two women and they opened up to me better afterwards. Wanted to see if a close sit by would be similar to an outright hug.

 

[Mertz09]

Thing you need to understand is the vast majority of women are not evil monsters looking to destroy your confidence

Most of them understand its difficult for a man to approach and most will at the very least be polite about it

But once that initial ice is broken and she has received you the ball is back in your court , you need to lead the conversation not expect her too

Remember men lead women follow

She was probably expecting you to start conversation with her , she would have felt more awkward by the fact you didn't

Roger That!!!

 

[Mertz09]

I did try to start a convo and asked how her lunch was and about the show she was watching. However it did not feel like she was putting much effort into a reciprocal convo. It also appeared like I had some brain fog at the same time plus I dont have much convo skills as there is no real opportunity to practise them since you need willing women to talk to in the first place.

This more going on a blind assumption that if you hug a woman or sit next to her that you are more familiar with her and that will generate attraction due to familiarity. I did have a convo with her in the past when we sat face to face.

I hugged two women and they opened up to me better afterwards. Wanted to see if a close sit by would be similar to an outright hug.

"since you need willing women to talk to in the first place."

What!! Just talk to Her! Be bold! What young guys need to learn is: Be Bold! Go for It! All they can say is No. So who cares!!

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

@corrector a man leads by example. Was she already staring at her phone when you sat down? You showed up with a tablet which then you started looking at. It would’ve been a lot easier if you hadn’t done that and just started talking to her unless of course, she seemed annoyed by you talking to her in which case you know that there’s nothing there and you never had a shot so you give it up.

as with just about everything, you’re so engaged in analysis paralysis that you do nothing. Just shoot your freaking shot.

A better opener would’ve been “your lunch looks great where’d you get it?” Or even “hey! Come here often?” With a smirk.

 

[corrector]

@corrector a man leads by example. Was she already staring at her phone when you sat down? You showed up with a tablet which then you started looking at. It would’ve been a lot easier if you hadn’t done that and just started talking to her unless of course, she seemed annoyed by you talking to her in which case you know that there’s nothing there and you never had a shot so you give it up.

as with just about everything, you’re so engaged in analysis paralysis that you do nothing. Just shoot your freaking shot.

A better opener would’ve been “your lunch looks great where’d you get it?” Or even “hey! Come here often?” With a smirk.

No, she started staring at her phone eventually later on while I was sitting down there.

I started looking at the tablet when the convo with her fizzled out (I would argue that I tried to talk with her, she didn't really respond in an engaging way to make me want to continue talking with her, I had brain fog, and a proper convo didn't really take off). She was also looking at a netlfix program on her smartphone at the time. I did attempt to engage in a convo by asking what she was looking at (ie Netflix show "Love is Blind"), and asked about how her lunch was, which she cooked up in a microwave oven and probably made at home and warmed up there on a container.

The opener when I approached her was simply to greet her and how her day was, and when she asked about my lunch, I asked if I could sit next to her for the lunch. I've approached her at least once or twice before, where I ate my lunch at another table, but on my way to the desk, I'd stop at her table, say hi with her, and whenever she asked about my lunch, it had always been consumed at another table away from her. Eventually, especially after seeing another guy sit next to her, I finally tried to eat my lunch next to her and see how that would be like since she had always inquired of me before if I had already ate my lunch....it sort of felt like she would have wanted me to eat my lunch together with her rather approach her after I had eaten away from her, just to have like a 10 sec chat, and move on to my desk.

It felt on some level that she wanted me to have lunch with her rather than consume my food away elsewhere and then approach her for a brief chit-chat, and I kinda wanted to do that too if there was any hint she wanted that.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Another thought, next time sit across her, not next to her that way you’re in her field view if she looks up.

Is she in your league SMV wise?

 

[corrector]

Another thought, next time sit across her, not next to her that way you’re in her field view if she looks up.

Is she in your league SMV wise?

I did that before. She sat on another table which is facing a wall where you can only sit beside her (incidentally day after I saw across from her and had a convo with her, and that day happened to be on Valentine's Day. I didn't bother approaching her on that day when I saw that.)

I guess nobody is on my league SMV wise. If I looked at that I would have logged into OnlyFans instead (yes, inside the cafeteria but in an isolated table to continue communicating with an escort) and this thread would not have existed in the first place. I actually made a choice between logging into OnlyFans and approaching her. The SMV equation would have just been to log into OnlyFans and talk to an escort I had talk to earlier as all other women are out of reach.

When I was hit hard by the emotions I was talking about earlier, it was only resolved by going on OnlyFans otherwise it would have carried over the weekend. I was going to try and log on on lunch time in the cafeteria on Monday. I saw her there and approached her instead.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I think we’ve discussed this before. Not every woman is above your SMV, that’s simply irrational. As often is the case here when men say “why am I not successful?” It’s a case of trying to bat well above your average. Of course you’re going to strike out. How about you lower your expectations and go for someone more on your level?

99.9999% of the time approaching a woman that outranks you will come up snake eyes.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, and expecting different results.

Talking to a pretty girl is always good practice if you can, so I salute you for clutching your gonads and trying. Do not stop.

But be realistic.

Every man on the board regardless of attractiveness level that’s in a slump has approached women below or at his smv to break the cycle.

Would you rather wet your whistle with a 5 or pay to talk to some hooker online? The choice is yours.

 

[corrector]

I think we’ve discussed this before. Not every woman is above your SMV, that’s simply irrational. As often is the case here when men say “why am I not successful?” It’s a case of trying to bat well above your average. Of course you’re going to strike out. How about you lower your expectations and go for someone more on your level?

I don't know, I'm getting the impression unless a woman is very fat, old and grossly deformed I might have a chance. Like I cant get or talk to a "normal looking woman". You just give up when it is like that.

There is only a limited amount of women inside of that office/cafeteria. I'm invisible to virtually all of them. This lady did appear to notice me and smile and she was decent looking.

She would look like someone on this video here:

You tell me how that rates with you.

Is that who you think I was talking to? This lady in the video might even look slightly more attractive than she does but fractionally so.

 

[corrector]

So, I should be staying by myself in the cafeteria as the women are too attractive/pretty to approach. All the woman in that office have to be above my league.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I’d totally do her. She’s youngish has a decent body and is not wearing makeup. Most guys would tap it whether or not they’d admit it.

of course you should talk to everyone, but don’t expect a miracle.

 

[corrector]

I’d totally do her. She’s youngish has a decent body and is not wearing makeup. Most guys would tap it whether or not they’d admit it.

The lady in the office is older compared to her, so like that, minus the youth.

 

[corrector]

So, whatever I wrote about earlier could be discredited as some type of limerance, and is simply a crush with a lady that has a higher SMV than I do and therefore I should not have felt happy about the lunch encounter but should have felt sad instead. I should not be entitled to feel happy if it was really a fail.

I certainly don't feel good after reading this thread. I mean it can be said this is checkmarked. I felt I did what I needed to do so there is not as much pressure to approach that specific girl again like before. At least I might have some closure and can move on to my merry little world away from everyone else feeling satisfied I at least made an effort.

Now I'm being attacked by music videos:

Well, I have to admit, my capacity for creatively pulling music videos to change state is quite interesting.

It's like I'm more happy with myself for trying than the actual outcome.

I dont' believe the "right girl" is in this office though. Whatever is occupying my mind about this.

 

[corrector]

I’d totally do her. She’s youngish has a decent body and is not wearing makeup. Most guys would tap it whether or not they’d admit it.

You know, watching videos of her might be more fun in the lunchroom (aside from the OF thing). At least it feels like a hot woman is talking to you. With fantasy there is endless options.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Dude, I know you feel your limitations are too much to overcome, but you are your own worst problem.

When you told me you couldn’t do pushups at home or good mornings (because there's not enough space) I wanted to fly out there and thwap you on the head.

You need to do more, you spend too much time in your vr headset and online and not enough time pursuing self-improvement. Too many platitudes bro, not enough action.

This is your bi-annual wake up call.