Crashed and burning...

[UniqueSoul]

Hello guys.
This is my second post in here if i remember correctly and this time I have decided to share my sad xp with somebody, cos I'm gettin really sick of talking to myself.
The story might start like this... After pupil re-sorting last year I've found myself in a parallel grade. Nothing much or anything interesting, except one girl that I had noticed before and I kinda felt some attraction to her... As time passed, we have started circling around each other (or was it only me?), cos I really wanted to see if something could work out; besides school, we saw each other in drama lessons. So of course everytime she went home alone, I always went along her to the bus stop. Bull**** talks, jokes, stuff... Nothing seroius. After a month or so of I somehow got her number from her (she offered to bring some script for me and told me to drop her a line in the evening). I did. A lot more that one.
It seemed she was OK with it. Some days later, we continued our messaging. And so on and so on...
The thing is that our relationship was based basically on the cell phone messages. We saw each other at school, but just a few words were said. I did not care much, cos she has some really close gf, and it's practically impossible to talk to her alone (I don't think I've even tried much doing that).
Bla bla bla...
As time passed, our flirt got longer n hotter n whatever; my ass was being kicked at home for enourmous cell phone bills...
Neither of us cared bout our health- because we chatted at night time only, we slept averagely bout 6hours everyday; neither of us cared where this gonna lead...
We became good and close friends. Some close contact (no kissing, just huggin, holding her in my arms...) followed. Everything seemed to be so good. Things were evolving. I would not ever had guessed that we would get along this good.
One night we went out to a nice romantic movie. She may have even tried to get closer to me, as I've noticed from her sitting manner. After that, we went to her house. Some chatting. Said goodbye after a few hours.
No cell phone the next morning. Who's gonna pay your bills bastard if not me, my mom said. Sad. No contact with her for the weekend, almost no contact in school (don't even know why).
After a week, i got my phone back. Just a few chatters, nothing that was before. Alright, I thought, maybe this'll pass, cos i don't wanna to be too intruding and write her every evening.
Bla bla bla...
Less and less contact. She grew colder towards me. I just watched it as a spectator. Cos she had insisted a few times that we could not ever be more than friends. OK. One day I got fed up with ignorance. I wrote her- wtf has happened (brief version). She started ****ing around, *****ing that she is fed up with my philosophical thoughts and whatever; that we really need to take a break from each other and so on... I agreed to 'postpone' our RELATIONSHIP TO SOME undefined date...
Almost 3 weeks now. My heart is being broken. I don't blame her, cos I see that she's sometimes kinda sad. No contact whatsoever.
WHAT TO DO? wait and see? situation is slipping away. I don't wanna lose her. try to forget her? I might be able do do that in the long run, but I don't want us to suffer.
Any ideas, thoughts or something you might really want to say are are very welcome.

 

[blienk]

Sorry dude, you're clealry in the friends zone and you have been all along. If you want to have a physical relationship with a girl, you should ask her out within the first month of getting to know her. Talking to her on the phone for hours per day accomplishes jack sh-it. You know who girls love to have long phone conversations with? Their female friends. As far as she's concerned, you're a girl.

So what does this all mean? You have to move on. Now understand I did not say you should move on, or I recommend you move on, I said you HAVE to move on. You will never be more than a friend with this girl. For all intentive purposes this is a fact, and you should not bother to debate it.

Forget about her. Start checking out other girls. Learn from your mistakes and don't make them again. It may be hard, but there's no point in wasting any more time. I highly recommend you read the bible (upper right corner of your screen). Good luck, you have a lot to learn.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

Friend Zone? Maybe, I don't think so. What i think is that you cut her out of your life and she seems to resent you for that and plays like she doesn't care. She said it herself when she said you get too philosophical. That's what it sounds like to me. YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL. She moved closer to you, (both sitting down and metaphorically)she gave her # without asking. You watched her from a "spectator pov", you didn't make a move when you where at her house. Make a move and "be a man" (read the pook article in the DJ bible with the same name

 

[AFK Protector]

I think you should give up and move on. I mean..dude, you wasted so much air time on this chick. I wouldn't do that. If she starts talkin more than 5 minutes, I tell them to hurry up or pay to talk to me. . . . .those smart fvcks go on AIM

 

[blienk]

"Cos she had insisted a few times that we could not ever be more than friends."

Yes, usually when a girl tells you this, that indicates friends zone...

 

[UniqueSoul]

Yeah. I see that sometimes my romantic nature is TOO romantic. But I have to admit that I am really kinda fed up with giving everything to her without any, let's say proper appreciation.
Guess I ain't saying to hell with my natural personality, but I think I'll just mask it for some time. Someone truly worthy of my skills and thoughts and stuff will now have to proove me that.
But nevertheless, things were quite fun. What I am thankful for her, is that she revealed my talent in expressing-romantic-fantasies@night-time. She fell for that, I must say; but I also have to admit that I was completely undecideful and uncertain AT THE SAME TIME when she felt completely unaware what to do next or whatever that was uncertain and we both could straight things out.
Especially when you deal with a selfish and seeking attention and dreaming of being a star female mind.
Quite a lesson for my further quests to find a girl I would like to be with. And of course, how to make her feel the same way.
Control your feelings, or you gonna end up just like I did.
So much of a unique soul, ain't it?

 

[GrimReapaLifeEnda]

Originally posted by blienk
"Cos she had insisted a few times that we could not ever be more than friends."

Yes, usually when a girl tells you this, that indicates friends zone...

NOt necessarily...I know alow of gurls that say this and mean the exact opposite (i dunno exacty why they do this)...but I know many a gurl who when I say something nasty tot hem about us ****in or somethin they be like "we cant do that we friends" and we end up doing it...

 

[UniqueSoul]

Well, I could say yes and no at the same time. As I've mentioned somewhere here before, she is pretty selfish, arrogant and she's dying to get attention, like when I was flirting with her(both SMS and tha real deal), she would sometimes just pop up with this "killing" phrase of her-- "Gee, I don't know what would I do without you. You're the only one who's treating me this way and telling things about me like you do. But the problem is that YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE thinking like that. And I want everyone to think like that too. I really appreciate things you say to me, but it's not enough for me. --I wanna be star. But of course, I don't want everyone to think of me as only "a hot chick", but I want 'em to notice my talents.,,
(not directly like that, but she really wants and needs to be THE MOST GLAMOROUS and CHARMING persona wherever she goes...)
Whatever. That was no obstacle for me. She needed to be wanted and admired and hearing constant compliments and ****. She had all that-- for the very first time, I might say.
But in the end (or maybe from the very start; whotf knows?..) she had lost her, let's say, certainty about what she wants and needs from me, and from herself too. Suddenly everything messed up-- we were not close friends no more, cos she felt things we were doing ment more that friendship. She likes to know exactly wtf is happening and whenever she lost control of her feelings, friction between us would arise.

Oh, seems that I've lost control too.
She is the one to be played with extremely carefully. I was not playing though, cos I wanted her as a gf, but making HER mind up was way to difficult for her.
Nevertheless, me being a b**** a** p**** had a great deal of helping to MESS EVERYTHING UP.

 

[Superman X]

Advice to UniqueSoul:

1. Grow some balls. You shouldn't have talked so much on the phone with this chick without asking her out on a date.
2. Forget about her until she comes back to you, and pursue other girls.
3. If and when that happens, then stop *****footing around on the cell phone and ask her out.

-Dan

 

[LikRetsam]

You guys seem to have missed somehting or maybe only I picked up on it. This chick likes you. And always has. She was hoping to get somewhere with you. When you guys grew colder to each other, it was her final test. She was sending them sh!t tests left and right at you especially with the LJBF line. She wanted you. Maybe she still does... She's trying hard to forget you though.

The fact that this came to me like this is because you were great friends, you were having sooooo much fun. i mean, you guys could talk to each other on the phone for hours. Why would she want to break such a great friendship? It was a dire call for something more....

Lik

 

[UniqueSoul]

thoughts of a rookie and a playa with some xp at the same time

...It's mighty tricky now to say what exactly led our relationship to this crash. In my opinion, a whole lot more factors than the uncertainty of mine and her too. This girl was quite careful in doing stuff with me. I broke her boundaries, but when I saw that she cannot decide that is better for her and for us both, I somehow eased up the pressure on her. She said she had experienced quite a lot of painful moments concerning her "exboyfriends", so I didn't want to move too bold. This ain't totally bout growing balls (I should in fact, cos I'm rookie + my "point of view"), but I REALLY like that girl, so I wanted our relationship to evolve constantly, not proceed with "a hit and run". It worked. Almost everything I did wasn't influenced by any certain wish of mine (I had no clear goal, cos I wasn't sure if a term "girlfriend" was suitable, even if I wanted her to be one), so things split up in two main parts here:
1. MY personal features, which seemed to not fit her ideal definition of how should a guy be. My thinking, which doesn't include blind forwarding, because of my severe burns of the past. My amateurity. This is my first shot of getting so deep, briefly, and the lack of experience is the base for the upcoming mistakes- signals that I have missed or misunderstood, "fear" of gaining too much initiative (I already was the main factor who kept things going) and so on. Read the bible, mate. Yeah, I know, I should have done it even before starting all this relationship. But slightly different aspects seem to arise here:

2. HER personal features. Whatever we did, she always needed to know the reason why; worries about consequences; fear of getting into deep; lack of motivation sometimes to "build our friendship together"; uncertainty when describing me the whole situation concerning the state of her feelings towards me and how she would like to feel and so on. Selfishness; a lil odd way of thinking-- "IT'S YOU, who started all this, not me, so I don't have to do anything with this";

You know what? This is all bull****. Level A crap. She was right to say we're both tired. We absolutely need to re-think our thinking, our wishes, goals, ideals and all the following ****. Now when I see that I was the only one trying and playing it straight, it's hard to say my fault from hers. Mistakes? Plenty o'them. I ain't moaning that she wrecked me the **** down and asking why the **** I didn't ditch all this sooner, when I saw that I'm already giving away a whole lot more than I get. I'm just exploring the other aspects of my point of view, which I didn't want to evolve earlier, to prevent myself from experiencing needless pain.
Guess I should think of this as a lesson more about my "unique soul", not my DJ skills. Nevertheless, you gotta let the painful speak to bring tranquility and the real side of your experience in. And this will correspondingly lead to becoming a leader, not a leaded one. (and I'm gonna hit the bible for good, too)

 

[UniqueSoul]

I am back.
Almost a month since I've started this thread, but I still have decided to remember all this. Cuz, hell, I can't get her outta my mind, so I think it would be good if I shared a few thoughts in here. Progress? Well, I'm trying as hard as I can to kill the infatuation (damn, it sure ain't too easy), because mis "I always have to get want I want, but these things must come to me on their own" sees no reason why should she put some effort in even sorting things out between us. ****, she hadn't even had the guts to tell me that she can't accept some of my features while "talking eye to eye", not while chilling on the cell phone.
Wha'eva. I have found extra things that can keep me from sitting n thinking about the past, like working out n stuff. That helps, cuz i started to feel better and when I'm not down, I automatically think of the pain less and therefore, it hurts me less.
One of the things that made me feel somekinda strange, is that I became aware of the fact that I was the only guy so far she trusted so much and she didn't mind being with me. I don't think of this as some achievement or stuff like that, because while having fun, some more "spiritual" feelings have arisen in me regarding her. She has told me that she didn't feel anything like that for me (I know. I read the bible way too late. As always).

-- infatuation + fun + caring for her n **** = EVOLUTION TO FULL STOP. --

That's why I cannot calm down. I have trusted her way too much cuz I believed she liked me not only for those unforgettable nights. And even now, when I see her being absolutely nervous and irritated (sometimes I get this "gut" feeling it's because of me), I wish I could be with her again. That ain't AFC, cuz I have forced myself outta that vegetating shell I was in right after I was told to get tha **** off her cuz she got "bored".

A friendship has died.

It ain't hightened sensitivity of mine. We have exchanged a few words on da cell phone since we messed up, like greeting on some special occassions n stuff. We avoid eye n word contact whenever we're in school, but I can still feel her looking at me briefly sometimes or her being well unaware what to do when I'm near - she hides that but I ain't no fool -- I sometimes do the same.

I am blamed for messing up -- for not being fully a man while we were together: for "tricking" her by not doing anything after she said "BREAKTIME".
I agree that I took things to serious when it was about fun, made wrong movements n ****. But I just don't know what 2 do when it comes to her belief that I played with her feelings. It ain't my problem at all, it's more about her whole thinkin about things on the whole, but when it comes to the point when I ask myself if I still wanna be with her, one part of me (influenced by DJ Bible) says that I must think bout happiness of my own, and the other part (influenced by memories, "spiritual" feelings for her n following stuff like that) tries to convice me that we were suitable for each other and no matter IF IT WAS SHE, WHO MESSED THINGS UP, I shouldn't forget everything we both went though together.

I really do believe I had found a friend who I cared for.
I really do believe I am worth more that this fukked up treatment.
I really do believe I should not be related to past experience.

I have started moving slowly forward, very slowly indeed, but that's the start of it; but what about looking back?...

(to be continued when I'll get a chance to get down to THA NET and organise my mind a lil bit)

until then, my wise friends