crap im feeling doomed

[georgie24]

ok the thrill of being single and mingling has come to a complete hault, the fact that my ex left is sinking in now ( maybe over thinking ) she moved back in with her mom a few weeks ago, i told her today id contact her in a few weeks to give her time to think.

ive never been dumped so excuse my irrational posts last couple weeks.

im pretty much stuck/frozen/shocked right now

we were togther almost 3 years and almost had kids ( she lost the baby 4 months miscarriage)

and yes this is the BPD girl i been posting about


i let her know today i wasnt going to contact her for a few weeks

my question is WTF am i feeling this way

again i appologize for my irrational posts last couple weeks

 

[iqqi]

i let her know today i wasnt going to contact her for a few weeks

I am pretty sure this makes "no contact" a bit less effective.

 

[Cyclops]

why do you keep posting all this non sense... is it that hard to move on already?

 

[Delly2000]

I feel u Georgie,

Especially if you loved this girl its gonna be hard. And you guys almost had a kid together too.

I think its just going to take time man.

I feel you about the dream of having a family with the girl you love but you got to think about ur Sanity.

I won't go into detail but the first girl I ever loved we almost had a family. Then she left me and got pregnant by someone else....and she decided to keep this one although she didn't know him for too long (but she never did in the end). Then she would say I love you but I like him...yadda yadda yadda.

Thats when I walked away. One of the hardest times in my life man. So painful. I dated others but I wasnt over her. She was a virgin and I was her first. And I had this idea of haaving a woman that no one ever touched etc etc. How we would have a family and she was my sould mate. She would tell me she loved me and such.

But then one day it hit me. I called her telling her we should get back together. She talked to me for awhile and was going to ask for money. When I told her i didnt have any she told me she had a boyfriend. How that guy is her boo and he got a lil thug in him.

Thats when it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was what I needed to hear. Here I am a professional male(although I wasn't when we met just in college). And this girl is out of work and has a high school diploma..not really doing anything with her life..trying to use me...and is dreaming about some guy that is a Thug (why dont u ask him for money...his job to take care of u).

All I can think is that damn. This chick is really whack. She isn't going anywhere with her life and doesn't intend to.

Thats when I was over her. In that instant. Do a cost benefit analysis. It may work.

 

[L B]

Are you drunk posting again?

When you go on a no contact rampage, you don't let the victim know ahead of time when and how long you're going to cut contact with them.

Of course it hurts when you lose a 3 year relationship, but holding on to the hurt only prolong the pain. There will be nights where you have your moments of weakness and will pick up the phone. Don't do it. Learn to distract yourself from her while you heal.

 

[typical]

Delete all forms of contact info, put the pictures videos every single thing you remember about her into a box and lock it away or better yet burn them.

As antidump and pook say a DUMP is a DUMP, you have been filed away as a "loser" in her mind and nothing you say or do will change that.

She may come back to you in the next 10 years but only after she has gone through a string of other men and can't find the best beta provider to support her then she will dig up her old "loser" files and pick a guy she knows will buckle under pressure and get back with her.

You may think you were/are the man but for some reason and it may or may not be your fault (you will have to work this part out yourself), you were just not MAN enough to keep her or she was not WOMAN enough for you.

Either way its done and dusted pick yourself up look out into the world its a new day and you can do anything and everything you want. Sitting there doing nothing will not help.

Last time this happened to me I made a pact that I would never ever let my happiness be in the hands of someone else, I dragged myself to gym everyday and got shredded and so badly tired that I would fall asleep the moment I got back home.

Today nearly a year later I'm nearly back in top notch fight condition and have more things going for me then I ever did while with the ex.

Just food for thought

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You need to detox. If you were a drug addict or an alcoholic the first step back to sobriety is your moment of clarity. You've obviously had that. The next step is to detoxify yourself - that's the hard part. You need to isolate yourself and put yourself into complete separation from your drug of choice; in this case that's your ex.

You're feeling hopeless about her and your present condition because the cessation of what you've mistaken as a reward for so long is now out of reach. You need to understand that what you want to go back to isn't what you think it is, nor will it ever "get better". Even if you could reengage with her, it will never be what you think it could.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never what you thought it was.

Even if you could go back to where you were, any relationship you might have with an ex will be colored by all of the issues that led up to the breakup. In other words, you know the end result of those issues. It will always be the 800lbs. gorilla in the room in any future relationship.

Remember, your disengaging is not punishment for her bad behavior in the hope that she'll change into what you want her to. As with detoxing, the longer you go without contact, the better clarity you'll have with which to see her for what she is - mentally disordered. You are saving your own life, and all you have to do is NOT do something.

 

[georgie24]

the life we started for instance place we got now, furniture, cars all that stuff is still here, her mail even still comes here, a few utilities are still in her name, sh!t i told her id contact her out of respect, im not thinking (obviously)

 

[georgie24]

ok already a text from her today - going to ignore

 

[squirrels]

We get it, man. It hurts.

I've had one-itis so bad I've found myself lying in my bed shaking and wondering what the meaning of life was.

You know how I fixed it?

I ACCEPTED that sometimes my emotions were going to make me feel that way. It happens. We all get emotionally attached to stuff occasionally.

Then I got on with my life. Despite the fact that I was feeling emotionally broken, I got on my bike and rode to the climbing gym. And did what I was gonna do anyway. Because I knew that nothing but TIME will fix it, and it's NO excuse not to go on living life.

And eventually it faded with time.

In other words, WE GET IT. We got it after the first ten posts. You got your feelings hurt. We all have, otherwise we wouldn't be here.

Now shut up about it and get back to living.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Sorry to hold you up as an example, but for the benefit of others:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with (or for) a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. It is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. This isn't based on some moral issue, it is simple pragmatism. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of anonymity, you also commit to legally being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit (and it is a financial committment) to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire, trust me on this. All of that competitive anxiety and it's resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it's just your name) is akin to signing an insurance polcy for her - "I the undersigned promise not to ƒuck any woman but this girl for a one year term." She thinks, "if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have signed the lease." Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she's got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

Just don't do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm's distance.

 

[georgie24]

no problem rollo, use me as much as possible, if it can help others and myself im all for it.

those who dump on me for posting here, why are you here ? ......thats what i thought.

Sorry to hold you up as an example, but for the benefit of others:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with (or for) a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. It is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. This isn't based on some moral issue, it is simple pragmatism. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of anonymity, you also commit to legally being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit (and it is a financial committment) to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire, trust me on this. All of that competitive anxiety and it's resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it's just your name) is akin to signing an insurance polcy for her - "I the undersigned promise not to ƒuck any woman but this girl for a one year term." She thinks, "if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have signed the lease." Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she's got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

Just don't do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm's distance.