"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Could use some help trying to decipher this message from a cougar..

.Paradox.

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Talking to her a bit, she wants to meet up, then I sent her this:

"Before we meet I'm kinda curious of something though.. I've dated some more "mature" women, and whenever I think of a younger man/older woman relationship now, what comes into my mind is that the woman is looking for a boy toy, a party boy, and/or a younger guy to fulfill some kind of sexual fantasy. If I'm totally wrong please tell me! I just want to know *exactly* what you're looking for so I have an idea of what to expect (or what not to expect)."

Then she sent me this:

"Heh. I don't need or want a 'boy toy'. Frankly age isn't something I spend a lot of time thinking about lol, you're gonna have a hard time keeping up with me .Paradox. :D I don't Fu** around. Never have. So you don't need to worry about my motivation. I just like to be with chill people, I work with douchebags on Capital Hill. I'm looking to hang out .Paradox.. I don't need someone to 'complete me';) There is something I want. Require. Honesty. I'm not interested in your life story, you are a stranger to me, and honestly I approve of your scantly filled-in profile. I do, however, want to know your real age:)"

Sounds to me like she's trying to hide the fact/saying without trying to look like a slut that she wants no strings attached sex with younger guys.

Or am I completely off?
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Atom Smasher

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Some tactical flirting with her would have told you everything you need to know about her motivation without having to ask her directly (a distinct DLV).
 

Korrupt

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Social_Leper said:
She sounds like one of those aggressive career minded women who only has time for a pump and dump situation. Win win.
^^^
 

.Paradox.

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Atom Smasher said:
Some tactical flirting with her would have told you everything you need to know about her motivation without having to ask her directly (a distinct DLV).
To be honest I just didn't care enough. What's your take on the girl?

Tyson420 said:
Marry her.
Haha why do you say that? Sounds like she's exactly the opposite of what I would want to marry!

Or was my sarcasm detector was supposed to go off?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Naughty Ninja

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"Heh. I don't need or want a 'boy toy'.

She wants a boy toy.

Frankly age isn't something I spend a lot of time thinking about lol,

Yes she does...Which is why she's looking for a younger man to re-live her youth.

you're gonna have a hard time keeping up with me .Paradox.

She is basically telling you in coded words: She wants to fvck and "can" for hours.

I don't Fu** around. Never have. So you don't need to worry about my motivation. I just like to be with chill people, I work with douchebags on Capital Hill. I'm looking to hang out .Paradox..

She wants to "hang out" and get fvcked by a young buck

I don't need someone to 'complete me' There is something I want. Require. Honesty. I'm not interested in your life story, you are a stranger to me, and honestly I approve of your scantly filled-in profile. I do, however, want to know your real age"

She wants to see if you are legal so she doesn't get in trouble when you fvck her.

She's looking for a younger fvck buddy.

Don't question her or talk dirty directly with her or it may scare her off...talk in coded sexual innuendo every so often while talking about different things..Once she agrees to meet up....She'll want to see if you are capable of fvcking her brains out in plain English.
 

Naughty Ninja

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Kerpal said:
She's also not too bright... doesn't know that it's CAPITOL hill, despite working there? :crackup:

If it's online it most likely is a dude having a laugh...Or a whale in a trailer park..
 

.Paradox.

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Naughty Ninja said:
"Heh. I don't need or want a 'boy toy'.

She wants a boy toy.

Frankly age isn't something I spend a lot of time thinking about lol,

Yes she does...Which is why she's looking for a younger man to re-live her youth.

you're gonna have a hard time keeping up with me .Paradox.

She is basically telling you in coded words: She wants to fvck and "can" for hours.

I don't Fu** around. Never have. So you don't need to worry about my motivation. I just like to be with chill people, I work with douchebags on Capital Hill. I'm looking to hang out .Paradox..

She wants to "hang out" and get fvcked by a young buck

I don't need someone to 'complete me' There is something I want. Require. Honesty. I'm not interested in your life story, you are a stranger to me, and honestly I approve of your scantly filled-in profile. I do, however, want to know your real age"

She wants to see if you are legal so she doesn't get in trouble when you fvck her.

She's looking for a younger fvck buddy.

Don't question her or talk dirty directly with her or it may scare her off...talk in coded sexual innuendo every so often while talking about different things..Once she agrees to meet up....She'll want to see if you are capable of fvcking her brains out in plain English.
Thanks for the in-depth analysis, I set something up with her for tomorrow. Will report back with an update afterwards.
 

Atom Smasher

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.Paradox. said:
To be honest I just didn't care enough. What's your take on the girl?
She wants no-strings sex. Definitely.

She probably looks at that direct question of yours as further evidence of your youth. You did kind of submit to her frame and to her intentions.

I want you to spank her for spelling "capitol" incorrectly, and say, "This one is from Atom Smasher".

Let us know how it goes.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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.Paradox.

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Date went well, but was also a little confusing..

To make a long story short, we met at a bar, talked, had a few drinks, I kiss closed her in the bar, we left, danced at some hole in the wall place, left, walked down by the bay and the date ended up with us kissing and her straddling me and rubbing my d!ck on a public bench at 1am. We didn't f*ck. She was like.. Against it.

She kept asking me why I was out with an older woman and if it was because I thought older women were just easy lays. Like she was worried that I only wanted her for sex, The f*ck? She seemed to want to f*ck just as bad as I did, but whenever I would push to go back to her place by saying something like "we can just go to your place.. You know you want to..." She would respond by saying "it's not about if I want to or not.." and wouldn't agree to it. She also gave me some bullsh!t about how she's never had a one night stand before. I didn't buy that.. Then before we parted ways she gave me some line about how "if you don't want to see me again you don't have to contact me, it's fine, I won't be upset. Just don't say you do when you don't." Or something. So all in all it went well, but from a message that screamed "I want to f*ck you no strings attached" to what actually happened on the date, I'm a little baffled..
 

PokerStar

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sounds like her anti slvt defense was on the offense that day.

hmmm by what you are telling us it seems she wants to bang but she doesn't want it in a slvtty kinda way.

I think she wants no needs to be seduced into it.

MY suggestion is to wait a few days, maybe a week and a bit. let her marinate within her own juices. set her up for a next date and dont forget to SEDUCE SEDUCE SEDUCE!!!
 

ecko280

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.Paradox. said:
She would respond by saying "it's not about if I want to or not.." and wouldn't agree to it.

When she said that, you should have taken the lead. Get up and ask where she lives and to meet her there. Some girls wont say "OK lets go back to my place". She never said "NO" or "Yes". You have to assume always "Yes" until she says "NO".
 

Stagger Lee

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I agree with the previous analysis about her wanting to get down. I don't know everything that happened on the date, but my guess is you showed sexual interest and you gave her validation too much and too soon. I'm thinking maybe if you acted more aloof and didn't kiss her or show her much interest, then sprang the idea on her to hang out at her place for some BS reason, she probably would've agreed. Once there, the fclose probably would've been inevitable. She basically acknowledged if you went to her place it'd end up happening.

So my guess is you conveyed a little too much sexual interest too soon and validated her. Also I think the question you gave her before the date might have been partly responsible for setting up her ASD. I wouldn't have asked that question and would've kept my intentions and sexual interest in her vague and nonverbalized as I mentioned.

Of course not being there, maybe the other poster is right and you should've been even more agressive about getting her home at the end of the date lol.
 

.Paradox.

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Mixed signals already. I'm thinking this one might be crazy. Implying she just wants to f*ck then acting like she's worried all I want is sex on the date?

Umm.. What?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Stagger Lee

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But that ASD phenomenon is not uncommon. That's why I don't verbalize sexual interest and act aloof until the last minute and go for the close. At that point it is all about her finally getting validation and the ant-slut defense is hopefully not even in the foreground.
 

Bum

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.Paradox. said:
Mixed signals already. I'm thinking this one might be crazy. Implying she just wants to f*ck then acting like she's worried all I want is sex on the date?

Umm.. What?
Totally sounds like some reverse psychology. You know she wants it, I feel like she just wants you to take her and not **** around. After all... she doesn't **** around. Never has. :cool:
 

Atom Smasher

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Your initial question to her had exposed the elephant in the room and in her mind she was damned if she did and damned if she didnt.

It's because the issue was talked about directly and given form or visibility. That translates, in her mind, to "responsibilty", something she can't accept.

Those kinds of things are best left unverbalized. It does sound like you still have a shot, but now you have to pay the multi-date dues.
 

.Paradox.

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What if I told you all that those messages never happened?

What if I said I went out with that girl two weeks ago and everything in my story still happened (ASD and all, but without that message being present in her mind), and that the conversation wasn't between me and her but between her and my friend?

Then what was the reason for her not f*cking me?
 

ecko280

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OMG. you're thinking to much. Setup another date then you will get your answer.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

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