Could a girl you already smashed tell you that she thinks you're attractive, but also says she's emotionally unavailable due to her ex be lying?

[Abethatguy]

I already posted about this before.

She stalks my IG and responds to my stories, also wants to crash at my place for a student event happening later in the month.

She gives me strong eye contact, is extremely receptive to touch, but doesn't want to bang because she fears getting attached to me despite her ex still being in her life.

According to her, "D!ck makes everything complicated".

 

[Abethatguy]

We met, hung out once and made out, second time hung out again and smashed.

Then for about 3 weeks she'd come over, we'd smoke together, hook up(but not fvck, she didn't let me do that again).

Every single time she initiated our hangouts. She'd text me all the time, come from across the city to hang at my place etc.

Then one day she wasn't as receptive as usual, then she told me about her ex and whatnot.

She's "single", but only sees us as either dating or being friends. Is she playing games or should I take her words at face value?

 

[lamath]

Told you this before she actualy told you herself.

Best thing is distance at this moment, contact with her will only drive her away or make you enter the friend zone.


Get away from her for now man she will use you too feel better than throw you away.
She is not rdy for much right now, she is dmg good

 

[Abethatguy]

Told you this before she actualy told you herself.

Best thing is distance at this moment, contact with her will only drive her away or make you enter the friend zone.

She talked about friendship, but while still maintaining that she's attracted to me. We're also both in a student organization where everyone knows everyone, and she says she wants to keep her romantic life outside of that bubble.

I've been keeping distance though, I only text her when she contacts me, and even then I'm not super eager or quick.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You just have to go with the standard rule of: Watch what they do, don't listen to what they say.

You'll never know her reasons. Some, all, or none of what she says could be true. But it doesn't matter because regardless of the reason, there's nothing you can do is there? If she says it's because of the student organization, would you really leave that organization just to see if it would cause her to date you more? What if she's lying about that? What if it's an ex that she's not over? You can't rationalize anything with her about her ex. What if it's fear of not being ready for the complexities of a relationship yet? Again, you can't rationalize with her on this subject to change her mind either.

A girl with high-enough interest in a guy will not care about an ex, a student organization, or the complexities of a relationship. End of story.

So to h3ll with what she says: Pay attention to what she does. If you like making out with her and fooling around with her and are ok with just doing that and not having full-on s*x then keep doing it. But don't get emotionally invested in her and don't stop seeing other girls. If you don't think you can handle those two things while seeing her then I suggest cutting it off.

From what I see, it sounds like medium interest that isn't growing, and she's biding her time until someone who really knocks her socks off comes around. She could be pining for her ex to come back, or even banging her ex now. Bottom line is don't get emotionally involved in her and keep dating other women because this one has almost no chance of leading to anything from what I see. You are definitely doing the right thing by keeping distance and not being overly eager or responsive with her, so good job on that.

 

[Abethatguy]

You just have to go with the standard rule of: Watch what they do, don't listen to what they say.

You'll never know her reasons. Some, all, or none of what she says could be true. But it doesn't matter because regardless of the reason, there's nothing you can do is there? If she says it's because of the student organization, would you really leave that organization just to see if it would cause her to date you more? What if she's lying about that? What if it's an ex that she's not over? You can't rationalize anything with her about her ex. What if it's fear of not being ready for the complexities of a relationship yet? Again, you can't rationalize with her on this subject to change her mind either.

A girl with high-enough interest in a guy will not care about an ex, a student organization, or the complexities of a relationship. End of story.

So to h3ll with what she says: Pay attention to what she does. If you like making out with her and fooling around with her and are ok with just doing that and not having full-on s*x then keep doing it. But don't get emotionally invested in her and don't stop seeing other girls. If you don't think you can handle those two things while seeing her then I suggest cutting it off.

From what I see, it sounds like medium interest that isn't growing, and she's biding her time until someone who really knocks her socks off comes around. She could be pining for her ex to come back, or even banging her ex now. Bottom line is don't get emotionally involved in her and keep dating other women because this one has almost no chance of leading to anything from what I see. You are definitely doing the right thing by keeping distance and not being overly eager or responsive with her, so good job on that.

First off, that was a fantastic reply, thank you.

Second, my friends know her ex, and he's basically the one chasing her. He calls her every day, is very insecure, and can't seem to let her go.
He was her first real relationship, and she got so deep into it that she even knows his family.

Her reasoning was that she's unavailable because of how complicated and messed up the situation is.

She wants no strings attached hookups, but can't do that with me because she sees me as more than just a hookup, we actually know stuff about each other, and that could lead to feelings.

But yeah, medium interest sounds about right.

 

[Abethatguy]

Also, I do have a few plates, but I guess this one getting a bit distant has made me want her a bit more.

She knows about other girls I banged in our organization so she knows I'm not just stuck on her.

 

[Abethatguy]

Lying or not what difference does it make

well if she isn’t attracted, then that means the chances of smashing again are at 0

 

[Alvafe]

nothing like being second option for a girl huh? if the dude she want fail to stay with her there you are waiting so she won't be alone

self respect is a requirement to want respect from others you know, try this first then you can come back


btw stop lying about you ahve options, if you had you won't care and would spend time with the other options

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Also, I do have a few plates, but I guess this one getting a bit distant has made me want her a bit more.

Very good that you recognize this. It's funny how even though one can be consciously aware of it, it still messes with you. But being aware makes it easier to control your emotions and do the right thing. In these situations, usually the only way to raise interest is to pull back as well - and that's the appropriate response to a girl pulling back anyway: She pulls back, you pull back harder. If it doesn't raise her interest then you know: She didn't want you so wasn't worth your time.

btw stop lying about you ahve options, if you had you won't care and would spend time with the other options

I know that comes from a good place, but all plates are not created equal, nor is your desire for them. I've had times where I had multiple options and was wrapped up enough with one of them that knowing I had the others provided zero comfort.

 

[Alvafe]

Very good that you recognize this. It's funny how even though one can be consciously aware of it, it still messes with you. But being aware makes it easier to control your emotions and do the right thing. In these situations, usually the only way to raise interest is to pull back as well - and that's the appropriate response to a girl pulling back anyway: She pulls back, you pull back harder. If it doesn't raise her interest then you know: She didn't want you so wasn't worth your time.



I know that comes from a good place, but all plates are not created equal, nor is your desire for them. I've had times where I had multiple options and was wrapped up enough with one of them that knowing I had the others provided zero comfort.

yes its not equal and sometimes we favor some more, but again self respect is a requirement to expect respect from others, if he did respect himself he wouldn't waste more time, don't matter how much he would fancy her more then others, he would cut and let it heal, matter little if he can notice the fact she distance herself from him and he wanted her more if he can't act on such undertanding

 

[Abethatguy]

I’m not lying about the other plates, but admittedly they don’t interest me as much.
Look, I want advice so lying about details won’t do me much good, and you guys can’t help me with fake details anyway.

Yeah it sucks being second option, but I’d rather tell myself that she does in fact like me but just can’t go through with it.

Doesn’t mean I’m gonna focus my energy on her though. I respect myself, I can keep distance and talk to other girls.

 

[lamath]

I’m not lying about the other plates, but admittedly they don’t interest me as much.
Look, I want advice so lying about details won’t do me much good, and you guys can’t help me with fake details anyway.

Yeah it sucks being second option, but I’d rather tell myself that she does in fact like me but just can’t go through with it.

Doesn’t mean I’m gonna focus my energy on her though. I respect myself, I can keep distance and talk to other girls.

She is playig hot/cold , even if she finds you attractive it does not change what she is doing represent medium interest at best.

Best way to deal with women playin that hot/cold game is not playing it and showing indiference to her.

 

[Abethatguy]

She is playig hot/cold , even if she finds you attractive it does not change what she is doing represent medium interest at best.

Best way to deal with women playin that hot/cold game is not playing it and showing indiference to her.

Medium interest doesn’t sound too bad.

in any case, I’m not giving her attention.

 

[AttackFormation]

This girl sounds like a real professional at playing men. She is so good at it, that even though you know she's doing it you still don't want to acknowledge it. You got good advice already, and you know it's true, so I'll just add to the chorus saying listen to your gut rather than your fantasy and ego.

 

[Abethatguy]

This girl sounds like a real professional at playing men. She is so good at it, that even though you know she's doing it you still don't want to acknowledge it. You got good advice already, and you know it's true, so I'll just add to the chorus saying listen to your gut rather than your fantasy and ego.

But playing me for what purpose? We slept together, that's it.

I didn't buy her gifts, give her rides or anything, she didn't benefit from me in any way.

I'm not even giving her attention or validation, I don't get it

 

[AttackFormation]

But playing me for what purpose? We slept together, that's it.

I didn't buy her gifts, give her rides or anything, she didn't benefit from me in any way.

I'm not even giving her attention or validation, I don't get it

If she didn't get something she wanted from you she wouldn't keep you in her orbit. No point obsessing over the details of what that is. You want to fvck her, she won't let you, but she keeps you in her orbit and makes you post threads about her on the internet. If you were fine with the current situation, I don't think you would've made this thread, you want us to tell you how you can "get her"... which is how she keeps you in her orbit. If you just didn't care and took the situation for what it is, this "problem" would solve itself.

 

[Abethatguy]

If she didn't get something she wanted from you she wouldn't keep you in her orbit. No point obsessing over the details of what that is. You want to fvck her, she won't let you, but she keeps you in her orbit and makes you post threads about her on the internet. If you were fine with the current situation, I don't think you would've made this thread, you want us to tell you how you can "get her"... which is how she keeps you in her orbit. If you just didn't care and took the situation for what it is, this "problem" would solve itself.

So what do I do, just forget about her completely and move the fvck on?

I know the answer, just need to hear it I guess

 

[AttackFormation]

So what do I do, just forget about her completely and move the fvck on?

I know the answer, just need to hear it I guess

If you can't control your emotions and accept the situation for what it is then yes, you should move on. However that's the thing, I am not sure how you would do so as she seems to be good at keeping you invested in her. Good luck.

 

[Abethatguy]

If you can't control your emotions and accept the situation for what it is then yes, you should move on. However that's the thing, I am not sure how you would do so as she seems to be good at keeping you invested in her. Good luck.

Look, I'll be straight with you.

Yes I like her and would want to fvck again, but I'm not going to make it my mission.

I've distanced myself and don't plan on changing that up, and as far as she knows, I don't think about her at all.

if she tries anything I'll still be distant, especially if it's to play me.

And yeah, thanks