Corey Vayne gives helpful advice in his book, but 2 things are just not right

[Pumax]

I came across a book by Corey Wayne.
The book is about becoming a better man.
There's a lot of advice I find helpful.
So I took some notes and focused on two things in particular, things I disagree with, and which I'd like to discuss here on the forum.

Spoiler: Note 1

Women want you to instinctively know what to do. They don't want to teach you how to be a man. They want you to already know how to do all these things. One area where women could do better is helping their men understand. Most women assume, "He'll figure it out." Or, "He should already know. Why should I teach him?" But most men don't actually know these things.

So when she says, "Oh, nothing's wrong," and you know something's wrong, then you have to turn off the TV and say, "Honey, what's wrong?" Her: "Oh, I'm fine. I don't want to talk about it right now. NO." This is a test. It's her way of saying, "How much do you really care about me?" Are you willing to overcome all these barriers and blocks I'm putting in front of you to find out what's going on or not?

Her: I don't want to talk about it. Me: I'm not going anywhere. Then I'll start using some humor. I'll sit there, if she's in the kitchen or something, and say, "What's wrong?" Her: I'm not talking to you. Me: Okay, fine, then I'll sit here and start singing or something like, "Jimmy Crack Corn," and I don't care... I'll start throwing little things at her like almonds. If she's putting away the dishes, I'll start taking the dishes away and putting them back on the table. I'll be really silly and funny.

Then she'll say, "What do you want? Why are you bothering me?" I'll say, "I'm not bothering you. I just want to know what's going on in your head." Her: "I'm not talking to you." Me: Okay, you're not talking about it. So tell me what's really going on in your head. Her: I'm not talking about it. Me: Well, what's bothering you then?

Her: I'm not talking to you. You pissed me off. Me: Oh? I pissed you off, huh? So, what are you mad about? Talk to me. I want to know, honey. Tell me. Communicate. I want to know what's going on in your head. Now I've finally broken through and started to get to the root of the problem. Her: I really, really don't want to talk about it right now. Me: Well, I'm not going anywhere. Then I'll go turn off the water and the dishwasher. I'll hold her tight. She might squirm and push me away and say, "Don't touch me." Then I might start tickling or playfully pinching her nipples. When they get hard, I'll say, "Is it cold in here?" or "Are you cold or something?" She'll say you're an *******! I'll say I love it when your nipples are hard. It turns me on! Have I ever told you how sexy you look with hard nipples?

I lift her shirt and blow on her belly or something, acting all clownish and outrageous, just to snap her out of it. It's called "pattern disruption." Now she understands that, no matter what I do, I can't distract myself from my purpose. My purpose is to find out what's wrong, what's going on in her head. My purpose is to give her the love she's truly looking for. My life is a drama-free zone, and I simply won't tolerate drama. I have fun and play. I'm the man and I set the tone... always. If I were to give in to her attempt to overdramatize and be negative, I'd let her lead. That would only make things worse. Women don't want power anyway. Be her rock. Her mountain.

Spoiler: My POV on Note 1

Putting this in an LTR perspective, in this case, the woman is acting weird, being a *****, and testing things.

So Corey's response would be that a man should behave in a way that doesn't let her (correct) attitude affect him, but that he should playfully understand why she's feeling all that way, that he needs to dig deep to figure out what's wrong.

Well, if there's one thing I don't understand, it's really here.
Not only is she pissed off, and therefore should be left alone because this isn't the time to talk about it, but instead he's suggesting that you should do everything you can to piss her off until she gives up and throws in the towel, so she should tell you what's wrong.

That seems like needy behavior to me.
Rather, I think in these cases the man should say, "Well, is that what you have to say about me? That's the door, you can go."

Now, I don't know how common it is for a woman to behave this way in a LTR, but personally, I would have NO tolerance if a woman said those words to me. Not even jokingly.

Corey, on the other hand, suggests we joke about it, and get to the bottom of the matter.

I'm sure that if the woman behaves that way, it's because we're not fully in our masculine energy, and she needs to make up for it somehow. Since she can't take responsibility for what she's doing, she has to blame us that way.

I understand that.

There are also men who exploit this to their advantage. They know the pattern, and usually, when she gives up and throws in the towel, they get reconciliation sex.

It sounds like a toxic cycle, but Corey, who has given us helpful advice so far, seems to be wrong.

Spoiler: Note 2

You need to dig deeper, because she's testing you to see if you really care enough to want to know what's bothering her. If you really care enough to ease the pain she's feeling inside, you need to draw it out by asking her questions: Honey, tell me what's bothering you, and don't walk away until you tell her what's going on.

Most guys will just say, "I'm sorry," and she'll say, "Okay, thanks. I'm glad you apologize." Or the guy says, "I love you." Instead of saying it, she wants you to show it. The way you show it is by being there, and by saying, "You're not throwing me off here." Words don't mean that much to her. It's your actions, and the fact that you're not getting anywhere. It's your way of understanding her when she says, "Well, you did this, this, this, and it really hurt me," and you say, "Oh, so I did this, this, and this, and it made you feel this way. And it hurt you, and it made you feel this way. Is that it? Is that how I made you feel?"

-

She could have told you she's madly in love with you, and five minutes later tell you she hates your guts. When she says she hates your guts, that's exactly what she's feeling in that exact moment. Five minutes ago, when she told you she loved you, five minutes ago she really loved you. But what she's feeling right now, in this exact moment, is: I hate your guts.
Again, it doesn't matter if you did everything perfectly for the first ten years you were together. What matters is that you screwed up five minutes ago, and now you're going to pay dearly for it. Now you have to weather the storm, break down her barriers, and return to her heart. You have to bring her back to her feminine energy so she can open up again and be the playful, beautiful woman you love. You can do this by using humor and understanding, and by letting her know you're not going anywhere until you get to the bottom of this.

Spoiler: My POV on Note 2

Regarding point 2, it also seems like he always has to find out what she thinks.
In these cases, while all this may be true, it has more to do with damaged women.
It's true that women will forget all the effort a man puts into a relationship, but the man didn't put it in for the woman. He put it in for himself, the relationship, and then his woman. This is something to keep in mind.

That said, it seems Corey doesn't have the same IDGAF style of sosuave, the walk-away, but rather cares about the woman's emotional state.

What do you think?

 

[BaronOfHair]

@Pumax "Women want you to instinctively know what to do. They don't want to teach you how to be a man"

NO ONE has any desire to take a run-of-the-mill schmuck who has no inclination to learn how to be a man/is foolish enough to believe that this isn't a life long mission aside for a tutorial. Fortune favors the fella who, on his own, makes a conscious choice to step into his masculine energy, like Arthur here

 

[pipeman84]

Corey Wayne is a beta simp .. most of the good stuff in his materials is copied from Doc Love.
The quote on Note 1 is a good example of the fact he's a beta ... first off, a woman that behaves like that has a host of issues (lack of communication skills being the most obvious) and probably doesn't respect the guy she's with. Secondly, the suggested response reeks of neediness and low testosterone. A 3% man as he claims he is wouldn't act like a supplicating clown ... he'd state firmly that that kind of behaviour is unacceptable and she'd better start communicating like an adult if she wants to be in a relationship with one.