Conversational Cyanide - The question that has no definitive answer

[oldmanofthesea]

I've never met a woman who even comes close to my hobbies and interests. I'm probably above average in my passions but certainly not spectacular compared to some guys. Yet so many women have almost nothing going on. Have you experienced the same thing? I've met women who you ask what hobbies do you have, what do you do for fun and they literally have nothing. "I watch TV...?"

THIS. So much this. The vast majority of women I meet (I'm talking 95% or more, and I've met about 100 through OLD in the last two years): watch TV, make their apartment look "cute", hang out with their girlfriends, and if you are lucky they might also work out at the gym. That's it. Very little curiosity about life, no passion or drive except sometimes for their careers, which is great but there is more to life than work. After a year and a half of dating boring women, I finally met a girl last year who had an impressive hobby that she was really good at and extremely driven about. I respected and admired her for it. It didn't work out though so now back to sifting through boring girls who's highlight of the week is brunch selfies. I'm trying to escape that crowd by getting off of OLD and joining more co-ed clubs for active hobbies and sports. But I have noticed that these clubs seem to have a lack of really attractive women, and because of this, the one or two really attractive women there will act like gods and none of them are single.

I suppose there is nothing "wrong" with not having hobbies - perhaps it's just one of the many differences between men and women, and what men value vs what women value? I just know that for me personally, it really attracts me when a women has something that she is passionate about and excels at.

 

[Mike32ct]

Couldnt agree more, very well said Mike.

I considered to change barber many times because his non-stop personal questions, thankfully I find out he loves soccer (which I dont) so I simply ask him to review the previous championship day.

Some people simply dont get the hint when you give brief short answers or change topic.

Absolutely. A more effective conversationalist will steer the conversation towards a TOPIC that the other person is passionate about. Don’t assume that their favorite topic is themselves. It could be sports (like soccer), work, travel, cars, their kids, etc.

Obviously, if you just met someone or don’t know them well, you don’t know what topics they enjoy discussing. Start with some non-personal topics and see if you stumble upon something that excites them. Then make a mental note of that for next time.

<WDW already knows this. I’m just saying this for the other readers.>

 

[ohrein]

THIS. So much this. The vast majority of women I meet (I'm talking 95% or more, and I've met about 100 through OLD in the last two years): watch TV, make their apartment look "cute", hang out with their girlfriends, and if you are lucky they might also work out at the gym. That's it. Very little curiosity about life, no passion or drive except sometimes for their careers, which is great but there is more to life than work. After a year and a half of dating boring women, I finally met a girl last year who had an impressive hobby that she was really good at and extremely driven about. I respected and admired her for it. It didn't work out though so now back to sifting through boring girls who's highlight of the week is brunch selfies. I'm trying to escape that crowd by getting off of OLD and joining more co-ed clubs for active hobbies and sports. But I have noticed that these clubs seem to have a lack of really attractive women, and because of this, the one or two really attractive women there will act like gods and none of them are single.

I suppose there is nothing "wrong" with not having hobbies - perhaps it's just one of the many differences between men and women, and what men value vs what women value? I just know that for me personally, it really attracts me when a women has something that she is passionate about and excels at.

I guess there's nothing wrong with it but I just find it odd. I've never been one to deny the differences between the sexes, in fact I'm usually the one getting in trouble for explaining them. But this one is really unique because hobbies and interests are essentially an interest in life. Creeps me out when people have nothing. It has been so noticeable that when I met my girlfriend and found out not only that she had a few interests but that she was fvcking good at one of them, I was really impressed.

 

[ohrein]

I've seen pics of them skiing or hiking, travel pics and such, take an interest and strike up a convo about it, only to realize they did it once or twice a while back with "friends", which probably means an ex dragged her along to do it and she got a nice picture for display out of it.

That's exactly it. I actively avoid women who live a facebook/instagram image rather than a life. Guaranteed shallow princess.

It's very difficult to establish some mystery without a preceding interest to feed it.

Exactly. I'm a very average looking guy who dresses pretty casually so women very rarely have immediate high interest in me. But once I start to talk about my life, I find their interest spikes dramatically. That's when the girl you meet at the bar invites you back to her table of friends because she wants to know more. Then you can employ mystery and make her earn information with mutual exchanges.