Conversational Cyanide - The question that has no definitive answer

[Tilex]

I was browsing through an old photo album I had used online during the days of myspace and I recalled an email exchange that zapped me in an unusually dull way.

I initially commented on one of her photos to get the dialog started and then she sent me an email thanking me. I inquired about what part of the city she lives in from my email response, then she replies with an answer and then asks..........

So What's Your Story?
Whenever someone asks this question(which is rare), I get the impression they are a terrible conversationalist because they aren't asking the right questions. I can't volley an answer for questions that don't make it to the net. I'm used to asking people real questions or vice versa, not telling people "stories". This question seems like a double edged sword because tell me your story sounds like tell me your biography.
I didn't take that question seriously, so I told her a silly incoherent fictional story.
She ended up blocking me.

The whole "tell me a story" statement sounds like something that would occur in elementary school. Like a kid would misbehave, and the female teacher would say: "Oh no! We'll have none of that! So what's your story mister?

Anyone else think the What's your story question is conversational cyanide?

 

[wifehunter]

The question "what's your story?" is extremely general.

She wants you to fill her in on all the details without doing any work.

lazy girl

 

[Billtx49]

Anyone else think the What's your story question is conversational cyanide?

Definitely, it signals that the questioner is either bored or too lazy to put any effort into the convo.

 

[wifehunter]

Definitely, it signals that the questioner is either bored or too lazy to put any effort into the convo.

Yeah, she's waiting for you to ask her out, so she can get her free meal.

 

[wifehunter]

"Get on with it, I have other orbiters waiting in line to buy me dinner."

 

[The Duke]

Interesting how people are so different.

I ask that same question often and enjoy it when people ask me because it gives me so much freedom. It gives me a chance to be creative and tell them whatever I feel like! I can paint a pretty good story. You do this enough times and you know exactly what makes the tingles.

The reason I ask is none of the reasons listed above and its never been conversational cyanide. I ask it because I am genuinely interested in that person. I want to know everything I can about them. I want them to feel free and comfortable discussing what ever topic they feel most comfortable talking about. Its like letting them take their pick of topics. I am giving them the entire floor instead of steering the conversation a certain direction. I do see how it might be overwhelming to some.

It's designed to be very open ended for a reason. You don't get people to open up with questions that are highly pointed either.

Tilex- on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a very open person that will share anything, how open are you? What is it about this open ended approach that makes you feel uncomfortable? Why don't you like sharing your "biography"?

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I gave her a 30 second highlight of my most diverse, exciting, unusual, daring, adverse and triumphant moments in my life, making sure she understood I was not joking or making any of it up before I basically turned the question right back on her.

Do you feel this conflicts with the commonly given advice of remaining mysterious and letting her slowly uncover these kinds of things about you so that she remains curious? I've only recently learned about this so haven't had much of a chance to test it out.

 

[Billtx49]

Do you feel this conflicts with the commonly given advice of remaining mysterious and letting her slowly uncover these kinds of things about you so that she remains curious? I've only recently learned about this so haven't had much of a chance to test it out.

It’s a big conflict with mystery. In op’s example it was on social media. Tell her your life story there and she can make a decision about you without you even getting a date. Keep it minimal but interesting enough to raise her awareness and curiosity …

 

[Tilex]

Interesting how people are so different.

I ask that same question often and enjoy it when people ask me because it gives me so much freedom. It gives me a chance to be creative and tell them whatever I feel like! I can paint a pretty good story. You do this enough times and you know exactly what makes the tingles.

The reason I ask is none of the reasons listed above and its never been conversational cyanide. I ask it because I am genuinely interested in that person. I want to know everything I can about them. I want them to feel free and comfortable discussing what ever topic they feel most comfortable talking about. Its like letting them take their pick of topics. I am giving them the entire floor instead of steering the conversation a certain direction. I do see how it might be overwhelming to some.

It's designed to be very open ended for a reason. You don't get people to open up with questions that are highly pointed either.

Tilex- on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being a very open person that will share anything, how open are you? What is it about this open ended approach that makes you feel uncomfortable? Why don't you like sharing your "biography"?

10
I'm incredibly open. I live my life by an unconventional standard and typically go against the grain of society.
I always ask people questions that don't have rehearsed answers, because I find normal everyday questions like "what do you do" or "where did you go to school" to be incredibly boring. I don't want answers to these questions, so I'll go out of my way to ask something off the wall.

 

[Mike32ct]

Agree with OP. I look at it this way...

Can we please get rid of the whole, “People love to talk about themselves” pop psychology belief? It’s such a broad generalization.

Plenty of people HATE to talk about themselves for various reasons that I shouldn’t need to get into.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I can maintain this for months on end because I have always been a very curious and adventurous guy.

Thanks - Good insight. Fortunately I'm the same way in that I've had many hobbies and experiences over the course of my life so I could probably dump 1/4 of them in 30 seconds and still have a lot to tell. I will have to try that out.

@billtx49 - Great point about social media. I avoid friending girls on social media for that reason until we've been dating several months, or I decide to friend-zone them.

 

[Alvafe]

yes its lazy question and not much interesting, so I answer in the same way lazy and generic, I born, live and here we are, anything else?

 

[oOh Nasty]

Asking general questions like that right off the bat without any context just shows lack of social acuity. Unfortunately, there are some people like that who just have below average social skills. Can't really blame them for it. Sometimes if I'm annoyed, I'll give one word answers and start looking for my exit strategy in order to get away from starting a boring conversation.

 

[Murk]

I talk to much, I "have a lot of narrative", like howie said that question would have me ejaculating words all over her face.

 

[Tilex]

I talk to much, I "have a lot of narrative", like howie said that question would have me ejaculating words all over her face.

I think Brits in general talk a lot. More vocal in person than Americans.
I used to work for a FOREX company back in 2002 when the Euro was initially introduced to the market. I was in sales at the time and had a long list of numbers to call.
Calling anyone in England usually resulted in hour long conversations. It's funny because if I was paid hourly I wouldn't mind, but I had to kill that entire list before the week was over otherwise I would've been canned. You can't stop the inevitable. I was eventually canned.
Do British women talk as much as British guys?

 

[ohrein]

One of the current girls I've been seeing for the last few months asked me this very same question when we first met.

I gave her a 30 second highlight of my most diverse, exciting, unusual, daring, adverse and triumphant moments in my life, making sure she understood I was not joking or making any of it up before I basically turned the question right back on her.

Dominance established, because she couldn't top it. Her "story" was short and boring by comparison.

She's been chasing ever since.

I've never met a woman who even comes close to my hobbies and interests. I'm probably above average in my passions but certainly not spectacular compared to some guys. Yet so many women have almost nothing going on. Have you experienced the same thing? I've met women who you ask what hobbies do you have, what do you do for fun and they literally have nothing. "I watch TV...?"

But I'm with you, nothing wrong with the question, definitely doesn't kill the mystery. People seem to equate mystery with saying nothing, but that's not exciting mystery, it's just being cold and boring. Same old problem of binary thinking.

 

[17 shots]

OP I feel the same way when women say "so tell me about yourself"... I'm like wth why don't you just ask me what you want to know

 

[Murk]

I think Brits in general talk a lot. More vocal in person than Americans.
I used to work for a FOREX company back in 2002 when the Euro was initially introduced to the market. I was in sales at the time and had a long list of numbers to call.
Calling anyone in England usually resulted in hour long conversations. It's funny because if I was paid hourly I wouldn't mind, but I had to kill that entire list before the week was over otherwise I would've been canned. You can't stop the inevitable. I was eventually canned.
Do British women talk as much as British guys?

Women here talk a lot, but so do confident "lad" type of guys.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Agree with OP. I look at it this way...

Can we please get rid of the whole, “People love to talk about themselves” pop psychology belief? It’s such a broad generalization.

Plenty of people HATE to talk about themselves for various reasons that I shouldn’t need to get into.

Couldnt agree more, very well said Mike.

I considered to change barber many times because his non-stop personal questions, thankfully I find out he loves soccer (which I dont) so I simply ask him to review the previous championship day.

Some people simply dont get the hint when you give brief short answers or change topic.

 

[Macaframalama]

She wanted to know what you were about, looking for and a little general info. Would you have rather her asked you to fvck off?