conversation & social skills thread

[moneyisking]

you're free to advise me any inputs or books about social skills. I have Dale Carnegie's "How to win friends and influence people", and if you got a book that is as good as that, let me know.

The reason I am starting this thread is because, for myself, I concluded that I can't succeed with women because my social skills and conversation skills suck. I regret now for playing fvcking video games instead of going out to meet people when I was younger; in order to bang a woman, I think a man has to learn to talk to one first. Maybe that is what my problem was all along.

Anyways, if you're a people person and just bad a$$ at conversations, share that sh!t for all of us. Thanks.

 

[Bossman90]

You don't need a book on social skills, they come normally to people.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Find a way to deal with people, no book can teach you what you're supposed to learn by socialization.

Join a gym and have small conversation with other guys, you can simply start by asking some guy to be your spotter on the bench press, chose shy guys as you if you feel to althouth dealing with the more extrovert guys will make you learn faster by assimilation.

Same with women, just befriend a guy whos good at it and go out with him, just dont hit on the girls till you're confident enough otherwise you would "creep" them and they wont go out if you are there anymore.

Just listen to their bvllsh1t and be a beta if it needs, for the beginning you just want to observe how a group interact, when you get it just move to an other group and make your moves.

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

yeah i started a thread similiar to this, why is it that most guys, it is common sense for them, they know how to approach and talk to girls from day one, they know how to start conversations with them, they know what to say and when to say it, they have the confidence, "game" from day one, seriously. Seriously, I wonder why I was never instinctively born with "game"

 

[moneyisking]

well, to tell you the truth, I hit the gym 3-4 times a week and should say pretty athletic guy. I talk to men and women all the time, because of work and at the gym. I mean, if I could talk to a girl and know what the hell I am doing, I wouldn't be asking this question. I feel like I lack conversation skills in general because the talk doesn't last more than 10 minutes and it usually is dull.

Talking to people is no problem, but I want beyond that. I want to be good at it. I met bunch of cats ranging from players to afcs and talking or hanging out with them didn't help much.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You have the social skills if you can hold conversation with many people. What I think you lack is creativity and curiosity (the same thing if you think about it).

This is why your conversations are dull. You take them to dull and uninteresting places. What kinds of things have you spoken about to people say... the last time you went to the gym and the time before that.

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

You have the social skills if you can hold conversation with many people. What I think you lack is creativity and curiosity (the same thing if you think about it).

This is why your conversations are dull. You take them to dull and uninteresting places. What kinds of things have you spoken about to people say... the last time you went to the gym and the time before that.

so what causes guys to be born with "game" and others to not be born with it? as in knowing how to approach and talk to women, start conversations with them, flirt, overall, talk to them, etc. and others still don't know how?

 

[youngmack]

You have the social skills if you can hold conversation with many people. What I think you lack is creativity and curiosity (the same thing if you think about it).

This is why your conversations are dull. You take them to dull and uninteresting places. What kinds of things have you spoken about to people say... the last time you went to the gym and the time before that.

Yeah this is my biggest problem....My convos are always dull and dead..i always bore girls out my life. Im a boring person overall and im only....HELP.. how does one make a convo not boring or dull. When i converse with girls i want them to love having conversations with me.. i want to interest them alot when we converse. Can you help?

 

[Alle_Gory]

Yeah this is my biggest problem....My convos are always dull and dead..i always bore girls out my life. Im a boring person overall and im only....HELP.. how does one make a convo not boring or dull. When i converse with girls i want them to love having conversations with me.. i want to interest them alot when we converse. Can you help?

BE MORE INTERESTING.

You have the skills, you don't have the topics. Once you have a more interesting lifestyle people become more interested because you become a more interesting person.

DO MORE STUFF.

Hey, I've never done that before. THEN DO IT.

What are you curious about now that you've never done? Right now. One thing. DO THAT.

If you do the same boring **** day in and day out, you can't be a very interesting individual now can you?

 

[moneyisking]

@alle gory: today I talked to 2 chicks at the gym. It was about their high school lives and how they were etc. I mainly asked questions about them and asked what made highschool life suck/good. Then we just had few laughs and nothing specific, but I just could tell from my mind/body/spirit that it's just a dry conversation. It's... just really dry. It's like talking to a empty brick wall even though there are few laughs and facial expressions going back and forth. I think the only truly good (either fun or serious) conversation I have is with my friends, never with a girl. I am thinking about increasing some sense of humor also. I don't know how some guys just talk and they just find the right things to say. That sh!t just fvkcing baffle the crap out of me.

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

BE MORE INTERESTING.

You have the skills, you don't have the topics. Once you have a more interesting lifestyle people become more interested because you become a more interesting person.

DO MORE STUFF.

Hey, I've never done that before. THEN DO IT.

What are you curious about now that you've never done? Right now. One thing. DO THAT.

If you do the same boring **** day in and day out, you can't be a very interesting individual now can you?

how do you become more interesting specifically?

 

[youngmack]

Yeahh man me too money...i never know what to say next. i never know how to make her laugh according to our conversation.. im always just speechless...its even times when i have to purposely do something clumsy like "accidently" walk into a wall or trip to make her laugh

 

[Alle_Gory]

@alle gory: today I talked to 2 chicks at the gym. It was about their high school lives and how they were etc. I mainly asked questions about them and asked what made highschool life suck/good.

You made it too much like an interview. When I am talking to someone I am trying to understand who they are as well. So I ask questions like "why don't you like that?" "oh how come?" "and what happened after that?", sometimes I will tell my own little story but I've learned that it's best not to because it comes off as me trying to teach them something or tell them they are wrong or upstage them. When they talk I try to listen and agree with them... if I agree.

I also like to talk about more interesting things like places they have visited and liked or disliked, how the people there were, what things they have seen, any interesting food or bars, music, places they would like to go, why they want to go there.... there are so many topics. But you have to have a genuine interest in that person and what they say.

Now when it comes to women, that can be difficult because the whole sex thing gets in the way but it is doable. I've done it and I was pretty much a social outcast for the beginning of my life. How did I do it? I stopped giving a **** about how people view me, and started caring more about what I am showing.

It's... just really dry. It's like talking to a empty brick wall even though there are few laughs and facial expressions going back and forth. I think the only truly good (either fun or serious) conversation I have is with my friends, never with a girl.

Those conversations aren't forced and they are with someone you are comfortable with and don't think about sex. You get through all the barriers with your friends around and just get to pure communication.

It could also be the girl is dry and empty herself... but few people are really that empty. Everyone has something in them.

I don't know how some guys just talk and they just find the right things to say. That sh!t just fvkcing baffle the crap out of me.

I don't know either dude. Sometimes I am on my best game, sometimes I am not. I have found that stimulants help a hell of a lot as does abstaining from any kind of porn or unnatural release. Why? Nervous system health. Can't be in top shape mentally if you're draining your body of important chemicals now can you.

 

[Mike32ct]

Generally you can only have a good conversation with someone you LIKE or at least can take somewhat of an interest in. Then you can project some warmth that most normal people respond well to.
One problem with the PUA stuff is forcing yourself to approach girls you really don't like. I don't mean lookwise. I mean her vibe and personality. If you are getting a strong b$tchy vibe from her, it will be difficult to keep a good conversation going because you resent her. The conversation will be awkward and forced.

Ok my last field report was nothing earth shattering, just a number close. But I approached her because I liked her "energy." So making conversation with her was very easy because I WANTED to talk to her and get to know her.


So stop trying to hard to be a social butterfly with everyone. Be a little selective. Your gut will tell you who you are likely to click with you. Some people you will never click with no matter what.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Yes but Mike, you won't know who you really click with until you've had experiences with the rest. You don't know what you like until you have things you absolutely hate.

There is a point in trying to be a social butterfly. Experience and being able to refine your taste and practice of course. You won't always be with people you like, you have to learn to deal with those you don't really care about or you dislike.

 

[moneyisking]

I think I am being a little desperate at this point because I am already 23, and still hasn't got a clue about how to truly interact with women. I mean, we live life only once. I want to get laid as much as I can.

@alle gory: dude, I just don't know man, I think I never really had a good conversation with any girls at all, for one thing, I kind resent the "women" secretively in general because I guess I never have been loved by one; so my mind probably hates their guts meanwhile I am trying to get good with them. What I am trying to say in this thread is probably how do I connect better with women, but I can't connect with them at all, since like you said, my mind is thinking about only sex. And real honestly, never gave two cent sh!T about them ever; I am pretty sure this happened after I was cheated on when I was 20 and shattered my whole gestalt into pieces. Man, I feel like I am stuck in a labyrinth.

@Mike32ct: I agree with you on that. I really connect well with my bros, and we are really cool. I guess that is why I only have good conversation and enjoy company of my friends because we connect and I like them. I also agree with what you say about forcing ourselves to talk to women. It's pretty hard to care about them and spit good game when I really don't give a damn about her in a humanly way. I think this can be proven by the fact that I connect good with old people, male or female, because I am not thinking about sex or any other bs and we talk as human beings as long as both parties hold likings to each other. Thanks, I think I kind of get the basics of human interactions.

 

[Mike32ct]

Yes but Mike, you won't know who you really click with until you've had experiences with the rest. You don't know what you like until you have things you absolutely hate.

There is a point in trying to be a social butterfly. Experience and being able to refine your taste and practice of course. You won't always be with people you like, you have to learn to deal with those you don't really care about or you dislike.

True. It's definitely a good exercise and experience builder.

My only point to the OP is don't get discouraged when your conversational skills appear weak with certain people. The real problem is you might not like them or be compatible with them. An intellectual guy might struggle talking with a group of five loud party girls. But his skills might kick a$s with some brainy girls in a bookstore cafe.

But your point is well taken Allegory. Experience will all kinds of people is important. I'm not snobby, but as an introvert, I tend to be more selective about who I talk to, as opposed to many extroverts that talk to everyone. I don't think it's a bad thing per se, but I'm sure I'm limiting myself. It's an area I have to work on.

 

[Alle_Gory]

I kind resent the "women" secretively in general because I guess I never have been loved by one; so my mind probably hates their guts meanwhile I am trying to get good with them.

Yeah... I know what you mean. I have the same problem. How I get around it is I try to understand, no judgement. I just try to understand what and why.

And real honestly, never gave two cent sh!T about them ever; I am pretty sure this happened after I was cheated on when I was 20 and shattered my whole gestalt into pieces. Man, I feel like I am stuck in a labyrinth.

I've been depressed most of my life. Varying degrees. Giving a fvck actually takes effort. I have empathy, because I'm not a complete psycopath but emotion is something I rarely experience unless it's something basic like anger... and it takes lots of **** to get me to that point.

I understand when you say, you really don't care. It's hard. The way I do it, is try and focus on their good features, the parts that interest me. Oh you have a pet? Well I like pets too. Great. Oh you're a hard worker? Great, I like people that put in honest work. Oh you like cooking too? Great. And etc.

I focus on differences too, because I want the whole picture... after.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and actually suggest the Mystery Method book. A lot of people seem to frown on it because it's 'canned' material. However, the only 'canned' material you should be using is your own experiences. You may use them repetitively, but it's all truthful and repeated practice will actually help you interact with people much better.

 

[moneyisking]

@Desdinova: I have tried his book couple years back, along with Deangelo's and other books on how to become alpha male, how to connect/disconnect with women, etc etc. In my most humble opinion, they never really helped me anything. They were just like brushing the most superficial layer of human gaming, instead of taking things deeper (which I think is impossible to do merely by reading books; hence the need of real-life mentor). I think it's much better to talk to real people in this forum who actually cares to give advice, instead of bunch of douchbags who are only out there to sell sh!t.

Now about this whole gaming thing, I find a contradiction I cannot resist to discuss. So we are learned to believe that we are the great catch, the prince, and we have to make her chase us, and yet, we are the ones learning how to interact with her better, all the techniques like CF, push/pull, neg hits, humor, etc etc? Along with the fact that I generally hate women, which is also a contradiction because at the same time I am trying to fvck them, it is another contradiction to deal with. what do you think?