Conversation skills for speech impaired

[Doc73]

Ok, I am not sure wether this is the right place to post something like this but ahh well.

I am a healthy clean cut guy who takes care of himself. I have a college diploma, and I do volunteer work occasionally. While I may not have the physical attractiveness that make women swoon whenever I am in their presence, I have had my share of women who thought I was 'cute' as well. So for all intents and purposes, I should have no problems finding women to talk to that are attracted to me.

There is one small problem. You see, while I am naturally shy to begin with (although I have been slowly improving on that), my main problem lies in the form of an erratic speech disorder. During conversations, ill go through phases where ideas come into my head in droves, causing me to talk really fast so I can get what is in my head out because a few seconds later my thoughts hit a brick wall and I end up not thinking of the right words to say. For example my conversations usually end up being like this: "blahblahblahblahblah.....um blahblahblahblah.......um......blahblahblah". Ironically this is also how I write, which leads me to believe that its the thought impulses that is the problem.

Now here is the wierd part. I mentioned earlier that my speech problem was erratic and thats exactly what I meant. You see sometimes I can go for more than a month and be able to talk fine, where other times I stumble upon my words on a daily basis. For some reason alcohol and weed have a somewhat positive effect on my speech as well, meaning that my thoughts are more of a steady constant nature rather than fast though patterns followed by slow thought patterns. Unfortunately I dislike weed and I certainly cannot be drunk all the time

As you can see, this poses a problem with my confidence, not only with talking to women but to people in general. I have been practicing a slower rate at which I converse, but it does take a lot of concentration to maintain it. I know that there are some of you out there in similar situations so if you have any advice, I certainly welcome it.

 

[Valdez]

I myself have a similair predicament. Ever since I was born I have had the tendency to stammer (stutter), and this made it to where I rarely approached girls. Luckily I had always been above average in looks, so girls would approach me instead. At the moment I don't have time to reply to this post as I would like, but I will follow up on this post eventually. My best advice would be to learn how to adapt. Myself, I've learned to use alot of hand gestures and facial expressions when I talk, this allows me to adequately express myself with a minimum of speech. And at the times I do stammer, I'll smile, take a deep breath and try again. This usually gets a good response from the girl, as there's no better way to show confidence, than in being confident with your flaws. As a matter of fact, alot of my exgfs have thought of it as being cute. There's alot more to this subject I would like to add, but unfortanately I must go to work (bartender at a hotel)

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

i odnt think i have the same problem as you, but sometimes i have noticed i say words too fast, so i end up saiyng them sounding badly and being unclear, it improved but now i have a cold and it got real bad, so i just concentrate on saying the words slowly, especialy making so i do not rush the ending of the word!

 

[Don Corleone]

Heres what you need to do

First of all, when you say that you do not have the "physical attractiveness" that swoon women, that upsets me.

This goes for every other guy out there who feels the same about his body: Go to the gym 5 days a week. This will improve your posture, self esteem, and after about 5 months your "physical attractiveness" will start to make those women swoon.

if you work out 100% every time, then this is the progress you will see.

At first when you start working out, you wont see any improvement.

After about 3 weeks to a month, your arms will start to get tight, good posture, and you will feel stronger.

at 3 months, your chest will have defenition.(you know the kind the models have). Then you will see big gains in your strength.

at 5 months, your arms will be ripped, nice abs, big chest, and you will be feeling on top of the world.

If your wondering how this will help your speech, well it will help your confidence, and your self esteem. when talking to a hot female, instead of trying to blurt it all out, you will talk with a nice deep voice and just feed off of her for the convo.

IN A CONVERSATION, YOU SHOULDNT BE THINKING OF STUFF AND BLURING IT OUT. WHEN YOU TALK TO THE LADY, YOU NEED TO PLAY OFF OF HER. EVERY WOMAN'S FAVORITE SUBJECT IS HERSELF, GUARANTEED. AND IF YOU JUST MET A WOMAN THEN YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HER.

also, if its hot in the room you can take off your shirt and show your sexy muscles.

The alpha male is a dominant, controlled figure. He is strong, confident, and knows what to do in situations. He has self control.

THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOU NOT HITTING THE GYM 5 DAYS A WEEK, NO EXCUSE! ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD, IVE KNOWN THE BIGGEST GUY IN MY GYM FOR 4 YEARS. WHEN I FIRST MET HIM HE WAS A RUNT, I MEAN A REAL CHUMP.

HE WORKED OUT HARD FOR 4 YEARS AND HE IS NOW A BODY BUILDER. GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND GO TO THE GYM.

if you want some advice on a workout routine, and some good dietary supplements, email me

 

[Tempest]

I used to be just like you! I was naturally shy, especially through 4 years of highschool. I didn't talk to ANYONE. I was very anti-social, and I'd be very self-conscious about speaking because I had difficulties speaking. I wouldn't talk too fast, but I've been told I have a lispe, mumble, difficulties pronounciating, or I'm sometimes at a loss of words or don't speak loud enough. I have a really deep voice. I was insecure of it!

I think one portion of it is the shyness. Are you shy to the extent where you sometimes shiver when around people? Do you get embarassed easily and turn red? Do you sweat when you're nervous? I used to get REALLY nervous when talking to people. Even now I still get nervous, but I don't realize it, but I know that I am. Sometimes when I'm super nervous I talk even MORE. It's strange. Anyways, I think the nervousness or "fear" which people experience when they're shy is what is effecting you for the most part. How are you around your family? Can you speak better, more clearly, more relaxed and calm? How's your speech around them?

A few months ago I was given some REALLY great advice.

You need to do two seemingly contradictory things at once...

One is that you have to get over the idea of it being a liability. Make it a benefit, an interesting aspect of your character, and at the very least don't look at it as a liability, at least when you're talking to women.

The other side of this is to work like hell on improving you speech. This may mean doing things that you're already have done or are doing, but get yourself a coach, read books on the subject, and make steady progress. Take it very seriously, but don't let it define who you are.

This is AMAZING advice which completely changed my mindset of ANY insecurity I have. I now think of every insecurity I have as an interesting aspect of my character, a benefit. Credit of it goes to Orion/Ben from the DeAngelo series.

Anyways, hope I helped.

 

[Doc73]

First of all, when you say that you do not have the "physical attractiveness" that swoon women, that upsets me.

This goes for every other guy out there who feels the same about his body: Go to the gym 5 days a week. This will improve your posture, self esteem, and after about 5 months your "physical attractiveness" will start to make those women swoon.

Two things:

1) I never said I was ugly. On the contrary I do think I am attractive, what I meant was that I do not have model-like looks that women fall head over heels for. If I was to rate myself I would probably give me a 7 out of 10, 7.5-80 if dressed up.

2) With the exception of this month I have been going to the gym. Before the summer I weighed in at around 240 lbs and I could barely jog around the block. Last time I weighed myself I went down to 204 lbs and I have been able to bike for 20 kms at a time. When I move, I intend to go back into the gym and work on bulking up a bit.

I think one portion of it is the shyness. Are you shy to the extent where you sometimes shiver when around people? Do you get embarassed easily and turn red? Do you sweat when you're nervous? I used to get REALLY nervous when talking to people. Even now I still get nervous, but I don't realize it, but I know that I am.

That is part of the equation and also something that I have been working on. A year ago my shyness was super severe and I could not talk to anyone, guy or girl. Now its a lot better although there are still some places and situations in which my shyness crops up. . The fact is that its really hard for me to hide my nervousness, so when I approach a girl I am attracted to, and talk to them, my speech problem gives off an aura of nervousness.

One is that you have to get over the idea of it being a liability. Make it a benefit, an interesting aspect of your character, and at the very least don't look at it as a liability, at least when you're talking to women.

That is really good advice and I think I will try that. Nobody is perfect after all, and although I would like to learn how to talk better, I have to admit that my impediment does give me a bit of character

 

[Tempest]

I can offer a few more things which have personally helped me and benefited me in my journey.

1) Find a job which forces you to socialize with other people, customers, or co-workers.

ANYTHING. I got a job at a car dealership as a lot person making $9/hour, and it has drastically helped my social skills. Now I'm getting into sales, believe it or not! No one I knew in highschool would ever believe the fact that I'm getting into sales. I was the kid that they'd always say to "why are you so quiet?" It was hard for me, it made me more insecure. The other day I heard from two co-workers that I'm a people person. They said that to me. I had an amazing feeling that day!

I've basically used my job to practice these things. It has helped me big time!

You need to learn how to adapt to different personalities. It takes time. You need to be put in different situations, and learn to adapt to those and feel comfortable. How do you do this? Just by doing it! Just by meeting people, new friends, strangers, anyone. In a few months you will notice the improvement.

2) Join a Toastmasters. http://www.toastmasters.org
There are thousands of clubs worldwide. It's a very popular public speaking program. People get together for an hour or two weekly and practice public speaking infront of everyone else. They provide you with VERY constructive criticism. One part of the program which I find VERY beneficial is the 'Table Topic Sessions'. It's where a 'Table Topic Master' discusses a certain topic of the day, and asks questions to specific members. You then have to get up and answer the question and talk about it infront of everyone for about 2 minutes. This is amazing for thinking on your feet! Great practice. Public speaking is suposed to be the #1 fear. If you can spend a few months in this program and get over that fear... anything else will be no sweat!