Conversation problems, need help to step to the next lvl

[Sacrifice]

I really need help with this stage to gain/step to the next level. (Yup, Im sorry for my English grammar, and everything) And i hope people understand what I trying to say or the point of the problem in here;S


When I have talked with a person, I getting a feeling afterwards that I could do things better in the convo. For example: Today, I stood at the bus stop waiting for my buss. Then a girl stepped up and started to talk. She started to talk about how tired she was and everything that got to do with complaining. I didn’t want to “run” away from her because of her beautyness(still I don’t think her she have higher value than me);p something I usual don’t do, ofcorse I don’t stay and hear them complaining about something about them self, but I did this time. So I said “yea, me to” and changed the subject. When my bus arrived I left and took a seat and started to think about the convo(something I do sometimes) “fvck, why couldn’t I just say that and that instead of just saying “yea, me to”/”yes-no” and just put something more in my replay and say, for example: “tired? How could you be tired when its so fvcking cold outside” to get something more out(info) of her instead of doing what I did, starting a new subject. The point her isn’t that I did well when I changed the subject but what I could have add more in the convo than just say “yea, me to” or “no/yes”-answers without thinking what I could said more.

I have this kind of feeling where my brain block out these settnings/words that I could answer with when I thinking afterwards (when I’m with the person it blocks and afterwards it reopen again when I have left the person, where) It’s kind of annoying that it happens time after time that “why didn’t I say the thing Im thinking about now, than just say yes or no/than just start a new subject to keep the convo alive and feel that I interviewing her”
So what is the problem here? I`m not the person who put people on the pedestal, I always think highly about myself. Earlier days, I did. Could it be that I don’t focus so much right then? I don’t have so much problem with listening to people, is just that, that I cant add something more in the convo when im actually with the person.


- Thank You for taking the time to read and replay

 

[Sacrifice]

bump, aah.. I really need help here;p
Do someone know why?


thankyou

 

[godofanxiety]

That's because you have the idea that everything you say must be perfect and spend time thinking of the perfect comeback. Don't worry about the impression you're gonna make, and say to yourself: "ok, I don't care how this turns out, if she thinks I'm just an ordinary boring joe so be it, doesnt mean she's right." Because if you try to think of a perfect thing to say your anxiety level rises to the point your brain just gets into an infinite loop: think of something ******* you say to yourself, and that is all in your head at the moment it just echoes. No wonder you don't know what to say.

Sorry, I'm a bit under the influence right now (having some problems so I thought a drop of spirits might make it go away). The point is: don't worry about what you say, not everything out of your mouthy can be of shakesperian standard, just say yeah me too a couple of times to relax and then take a deep breath and ask her or talk about thinks you are interested at the moment, don't worry about smooth bridges. And donte worry about the impression you are making with her.

Damn, this post is a mess... I'm not able to articulate this beter now, but trust me it's gold

 

[nando]

That's because you have the idea that everything you say must be perfect and spend time thinking of the perfect comeback. Don't worry about the impression you're gonna make, and say to yourself: "ok, I don't care how this turns out, if she thinks I'm just an ordinary boring joe so be it, doesnt mean she's right." Because if you try to think of a perfect thing to say your anxiety level rises to the point your brain just gets into an infinite loop: think of something ******* you say to yourself, and that is all in your head at the moment it just echoes. No wonder you don't know what to say.

Sorry, I'm a bit under the influence right now (having some problems so I thought a drop of spirits might make it go away). The point is: don't worry about what you say, not everything out of your mouthy can be of shakesperian standard, just say yeah me too a couple of times to relax and then take a deep breath and ask her or talk about thinks you are interested at the moment, don't worry about smooth bridges. And donte worry about the impression you are making with her.

Damn, this post is a mess... I'm not able to articulate this beter now, but trust me it's gold

good post

 

[Sacrifice]

Thanks for replies..

Maybe you`re right about that I focus to much on how to say the perfect settnings. Anyway, I don't try to make good impression or seek it from girls or boys, people around me, whatsoever. What I'm trying to do is to be better at conversation, What I think about after, is what I want to become natural for me.

Sure, nothing can be perfect.. But I just want to be better at this part.

 

[Sacrifice]

dobblepost.. sorry

 

[godofanxiety]

Of course you want to be better. The fact that you can think of some good replies when you rewind the conversation in your head means you're not stupid and have to say more than "yeah, me too". Try this: expect the worst. Look forward to it. Say nothing is going to happen with her. No big deal. Then your brain isn't going to be in a fight or flight mode and it may actually think of something to say. If you enter the conversation with the thought that this time you have to do better goddammit, failure is guaranteed. I know, I missed so many opportunities because of that, it's not even funny.