Controlling emotions

[Julius_Caesar]

Hello,

I have a problem, as you probably could have guessed, controlling my emotions. My main problem is controlling my laughter. I am one of those guys who laughs a lot, I mean I love laughing and making others do it, but sometimes it causes problems. I think that my uncontrollable laughter is my wacked out mirror effect. I laugh when people make jokes, even if they are not that funny, I am trying to make things go more smoothly, and those attributes are helpful, but when I want to control my laughter and not sound like I am sucking up, I can't do so. I am good at adapting to situations, but one thing that I have learned from this site is that I DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME. It is not so cool if you are trying to act nonchalant and you can't hold in your laughter.

More than laughter, anger, and frustration are not things I want to show the world under most circumstances. I am gathering information on the "characteristics of cool", and showing little emotion seems to be a common one.

As I said before, I seem to copy the emotions of people around me, mirroring? So for instance, if I am with a very happy bubbly person I will smile alot, AND IT IS VERY HARD NOT TO, if I look away I will lose the smile, if I look back, JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE SMILING I WILL START SMILING AGAIN. I adapt to the mood around me. If I am around somebody who acts very cool and nonchalantly, I will do the same. It makes me fake, not A REAL person, but always a reflection. How am I supposed to get respect if I am not a real person? I won't get much, but I will get some. And that is the root of the problem, I don't feel like I get respected for being ME. ya, ya WHO CARES? Well I want control, then I will get respect, then I won't care.

For laughter I have devised a few things that work in certain situations. I could go into detail, but I won't unless I get requests. I would be pleased if anyone could respond with tips, comments about my horrible grammar, or similar feelings/experiences.


Thanks for reading

vale

 

[falloutboy]

I used to have this problem really bad until recently. Cause we've been in the same boat Ill try to give you some help.

Anthony Robbins had a great talk about this. I forgot the name but I'll try to summarize it:

Basically, take a couple minutes a day to just stop what you are doing, and ask yourself "What am I aware of right now?" It can be both internal and external: "I am aware of my breathing," "I am aware of that fly in my coffee," "I am aware of me being happy."

Next, try the same thing when you're talking to someone. Whenever an uncomfortable feeling arises, instead of just dismissing it, you need to APPRECIATE it. All emotions exist for a reason. Your brain's trying to tell you something. Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling angry/irritated/anxious" and then think about how you should act accordingly.

I also recommend looking into GESTALT PSYCHOLOGY (all about self awareness)

Good luck dude

 

[Starman]

"I am gathering information on the "characteristics of cool", and showing little emotion seems to be a common one. "

This is your problem..your definition of "cool" is a little bit skewed and unrealistic..

Listen man, like it or not..EVERYONE hides behind a social mask..they act happy at times when they arent, they act "unmoved" when they are really excited, act mellow when they are boiling with anger

So you arent different from most people..just practice conveying your true emotion..but even if you dont..it doesnt necessarily make you "uncool"

and I dont know where you get this idea that conveying false emotions makes you less cool

My take is that you are thinking you are being too much of a "people pleaser" with your emotions..and that its a lot of pressure to always make sure other people have a positive perception of you

my first suggestion would be to start slowly acting like your self..if something isnt funny..dont feel pressured to laugh, if something is making you angry..speak your mind..and dont try to act like it doesnt bother you..

slowly..work at it (remember people fake emotions all the time in surroundings)

i.e. the "Happy" office person..whose always giddy on Monday Mornings..or shows no emotion if he gets fired..

your issues stem from childhood issues that taught you to always be "Agreeable" with people if you want them to like/accept you..or possibly even punished by parents when you expressed emotions like anger, or laughing at things they didnt think were funny

tell us about your controlling your laughter thingy

 

[Player_Supreme]

You have the makings of a professional commedian. Already you can mirror people and you love to laugh. Try putting your talent to good use instead of squashing it.

I have a client who is on the Lotto Show in cali...she is also a good stand up comedian...she got started cause she couldnt' stop laughing.

 

[bp1974]

Don't try to aim for 'cool', whatever your definition of that may be. Aim for 'human'. Starman's on the money about your probable childhood conditioning to never show anger, fear and other emotions, to always be agreeable, and I like falloutboy's awareness exercise. Exercises, like that help you get back in touch with your body sensations and hence your emotions, and are invaluable if you've spent your life cutting yourself off form eveything you feel.

When you suppress everything you feel in order to be seen as 'ok' by everyone around you and to keep everybody happy, like you say, you end up taking on roles. You have no idea what's going on for you, or you don't feel right about expressing what your feeling. Your unable to take your cues from your own experience, so all that's left is to take your cues from other people. When they smile, you smile, when they frown, you shake your head and frown too.


You mentioned respect a lot and that really jumped out for me in your post. It's not other people's respect that you're having a problem with, it's your own. It sounds as though your work is to build up enough self-respect to believe in the validity of what you're feeling and thinking. To know that it's ok to be who you are, that you won't be rejected or embarrassed or that nothing bad will happen to you or the world around you.

Here's a first step, if you're willing. Do you have a close friend? If so, talk to him/her about this. Open up to them as much as you are comfortable. I suspect you have a lot of defences to keep who you are hidden from people and to keep people at a safe distance from you too. You will be very surprised at how acceptant and understanding your friends will be when you start to open up to them, even just a little bit. You'll probably get a few "Me too"s. Nobody really hides their emotions, even when they're suppressing them. All the people around you have a good idea of what's going on for you even if you're putting on an act. We're all much more transparent than we might think, and that's a GOOD thing.

Anyway, just something for you to think about.

bp1974

 

[Walden]

Hey Player , what do you do that you have comedians as clients ?

 

[Player_Supreme]

walden

Sorry I didn't realize I had already posted on this thread...that is how I saw your post.

I own a personal training studio. I also host a tv special on pbs and do minor acting things when ever I can get roles. I am working right now on becoming a producer/script writer for the b-movie market ...

 

[chlywly]

Originally posted by falloutboy
I used to have this problem really bad until recently. Cause we've been in the same boat Ill try to give you some help.

Anthony Robbins had a great talk about this. I forgot the name but I'll try to summarize it:

Basically, take a couple minutes a day to just stop what you are doing, and ask yourself "What am I aware of right now?" It can be both internal and external: "I am aware of my breathing," "I am aware of that fly in my coffee," "I am aware of me being happy."

Next, try the same thing when you're talking to someone. Whenever an uncomfortable feeling arises, instead of just dismissing it, you need to APPRECIATE it. All emotions exist for a reason. Your brain's trying to tell you something. Ask yourself, "Why am I feeling angry/irritated/anxious" and then think about how you should act accordingly.

I also recommend looking into GESTALT PSYCHOLOGY (all about self awareness)

Good luck dude

WORD...

Want to be in control of your mind, body (emotions), and soul (life)?

www.sivasakti.com

 

[myfriendblu]

I think the main problem that no one has touched on yet, is well, YOUR 16 YEARS OLD for cryin out loud. Your gonna be emotional for all sorts of reasons. Your just a kid, your by no means even close to growing up yet. The bigger(and more appropriate question) is How Do I Mature and stand out from the rest of the idiot teenagers? Well, there is alot to do. i suggest taking up a martial art. Take up working out. SERIOUSLY working out, not standing around in a gym a few days a week. Start studying, and reading alot. Absorb information. You will quickly realize why "smarter" people often behave and act in a different way and manner, and the smarter/more intelligent YOU become, the more different your character will become.

 

[Julius_Caesar]

Thanks for the replies,

to Starman: Thank you for your advice. I don't think that you understand my situation completely because I have not told you. My problem is not being a "people pleaser", I am inexperieced when dealing with most social activities with kids my age, I have had a very lonely 15 years of my life, because of that I have been both blessed and damned: it let me become my own person with out being tainted by societies wants and whims, but it made me shy and introverted so I lack social skills that other people have. I am trying to find my own footing. also when I said that thing about characteristics of cool, I knew that EVERYONE hides behind a social mask, but I am trying to become the best person I can that means that I am trying to change my personality to an ideal one I have set for myself. I want respect for me. And as for your question: "I dont know where you get this idea that conveying false emotions makes you less cool." I get this idea from PERSONAL EXPERIECE. As I said: "It makes me fake, not A REAL person, but always a reflection. How am I supposed to get respect if I am not a real person." I AM, in that respect, a people pleaser. When you said "false emotions," I think you misunderstood, I adapt to people. It is not "conveying false emotions" that makes me LESS cool, but to laugh too much is uncool, it is not that "false emotions" are uncool, but having "false emotions" that are reflections, thats it. My childhood was NOT dominated by my parents, they never punished me for any of those reasons. I was not taught that being "agreeable" was the thing to do by my parents, I TAUGHT MYSELF that being so was the most easy way to make friends because I didn't have any outlets for developing my own personality. Nor, admittedly, did I want to. But now I do.

to Player_Supreme: Thanks for the advice, but I have higher aspirations than stand up comedy. Although, undoubtably, I could excel in that area as well.

to bp1974: You raised some good points that I knew but chose not to go in to in my post. My problem is not TOTALY with other people giving me respect, but with my lack of respect for myself although that is because I didn't get the respect I thought that I deserved in the first place. This strange lack of self-respect is because I feel like a fake, a reflection, but that lack is only in social situations with peers, give me real stuff to deal with and I have complete respect for myself, I have experiece. Alot of my problems, as I said, come from lack of experiece less than lack of raw talent, give me time and practice and I will figure this out, but I decided to use this wealth of knowledge to smooth out and hopefully shorten my road to success. And I don't have any friends as close to me because of my maturity. Nor do I want friends that I can spill my guts to, I want comrades in arms, guys who will get my back if I need it.

to myfriendblu: I think you are a little off on some things because you have never meet me, nor do you know my story. Yes, I am 16, but I have seen alot. I am more mature than any person I have ever meet, not because of innate reasons, but because I had to change to survive. And I don't think that being a "kid" means that I can't be in control. I, strangely enough, do stand out from all the idiot teenagers, in fact I stand so far out that I am not even apart, and thus my problem. I don't care what they do, I don't care about all the petty crap they care about, thus I am TOO different. I must adapt to thrive, which doesn't mean that I have to start caring about petty crap, but it means that I have try to become apart of there world. And by the way, I am one of the "smarter" people. And I do read when I have nothing else to do, I also work out. Those things are not the problem though, THE PROBLEM IS CONTROL. I think that with full control of mind and body my potential will be limitless.

Well, thanks for all the replies. I could go in to much more detail if anyone wishes.

As for my own ways of managing laughter and emotions I have devolped a few techniques that have had patchy results, but with practice I think will do the job. For laughter when I am in a situation where I think that I am trying to made to laugh, listening to a comedian for instance, I just remember that what ever he is saying is a joke, probably a lie. Just by thinking that whatever is being said is a joke really makes a difference, can't explain why. Another way is a redirection method, I keep my mind away from the laughter. Doing multiples of two is good, or going stone faced and concentrating on keeping my eyes shuttered. Those redirection methods are not very effective in conversations because you aren't really paying attention. The most promising method so far is just thinking about what you are laughing at. A few days ago I was tape recording my fathers horendous snoring, I was trying not to laugh, because it was very funny and then I said to myself, "why am I laughing?" I realized that I did have to laugh, I thought about what I was doing and I shut up, though he still woke up with my tape recorder in his face. Just saying "I don't have to laugh" works, I can still think about whats happening and am in control.

Thanks for reading and replying.

Vale