Control over Me!

[jophil28]

Hyper, when some women cannot control you by dispensing or withholding sex they resort to shaming and guilting.
They learn to do this from their mothers.

The last line in your quote above made me cringe.
So you have bought essentials for her and her kids and she has kept her own money to spend on herself ?
Can you see how you have created an expectation in her that you are a 'provider' ? IN effect, you have volunteered to step into the role of Beta Provider.
She believes that she, and her kids needs, are more important to you that you are to yourself. No wonder she thinks that she can control you with disguised ultimata .

Frankly, after I read her last guilt attempt to shame you into accepting fault for her ruined holiday, I tended to believe that this relationship is not repairable.

You have made one of the classic blunders and that is this- you have moved into sharing the circumstances and challenges of HER life instead of steering her into joining your's. You have become her personal assistant and she is treating you accordingly .

 

[jophil28]

oh hyper2010... i think i have just discovered why you were asked to ditch work and come along with them and why is it so vital and important to her that you must follow through and go... she wants you to pay for her exciting big adventure and she doesn't really care if you have a job to go back to when the trip is over. i don't think she expects to date you long enough for your job or your future or your bills being paid to ever matter to her... and she is just taking you for what she can.
i'm so glad you told her you weren't going.

Hyper, listen to "the Kitten" ^^

 

[penkitten]

You have made one of the classic blunders and that is this- you have moved into sharing the circumstances and challenges of HER life instead of steering her into joining yours. You have become her personal assistant and she is treating you accordingly .

this is a golden nugget.
hall of fame / bible worthy. you should start a new thread and write a post about this.

 

[pipe007]

guys dont waste your time advicing the OP.... he just doesnt get it

go quit your job and join your princess, dont forget to pay for everything!!!


good luck

 

[Warrior74]

Yes I think that is why she is angry also. i do sem to pay for a lot of household things when Im round, sweets for her daughter, food, petrol etc...Yet she never seems to run out of funds for new clothes, shoes, wine etc

Dude. I hate to say it, but its a complete cack-up and you mugged yourself mate. She's taken you for a ride.

 

[Hyper2010]

Your right I have kinda let her make a mug of me, take me for a ride so to speak. I worked very hard to get where I am in My job, and I can't risk losing that over a woman

 

[loveshogun]

Gasp, a breakthrough?

I worked very hard to get where I am in My job, and I can't risk losing that over a woman

And god said, "Let there be LIGHT!"

I sincerely hope you follow through.

On a side note, the weakest part of me is the part that just cannot accept that some brothas just don't wanna be helped.

I'm not cap'n save-a-ho. I'm cap'n save-an-AFC and sometimes I don't know what's worse.

 

[maqnetik]

Hi guys,
Just a quick situation for you to consider. My GF of 6 months asked Me tonight to go away with her next week for a few days, with her and some friends... Now I work in sales and I am unable to get the time off. She has since gone skitz on Me and has told me she is 'reviewwing the entire situation' because I refused to bow to her pressure to skip work...

I know she is an important part of My life, but so is My job and I have comittments with it i need to keep.

What would you guys do in this situation??

Would you skip work for her sake before she does something else, ie leave Me or bite the bullet and avoid losing your job...?

PS - I havent had any communication with her since the 'reviewing' remark as I feel any apologies etc from Myself would come accross as weakness.

PSS - I know for a fact that she would NOT skip work if the situation were reversed

flip the script on her-- tell her that ALONE TIME is QUALITY TIME...... not sharing her with her "friends"

theres only room for love and business in the game player-- friendship implies respect and trust, and thats a conflict of interest since her LOYALTY should lie with YOU and the FUTURE not THEM and the PAST. its you and her against the world or nothing at all, and everyone else is just a mark, client, enemy, or acquaintance.



the only power someone has is the the power you give them

 

[Hyper2010]

Check this out...

Hi,
Guys I followed your advice, withdrew My jaffers from her handbag and told her straight up that I was unable to go with her on sunday;

This is the text I recieved;

''Why? By making things akward for my friends, being ungrateful when everyone is changing their plans for you, give me attitude because I dared disagree with your work schedule, then showing attitude when I cant talk online coz youve got viruses from the very dodgy sites you go on. Yeah, a fantastic boyfriend.''

Sounds like a real catch dosen't she...

Any takers??

 

[women haze]

Man Drop this *****.....

 

[penkitten]

Hi,

''Why? By making things akward for my friends, being ungrateful when everyone is changing their plans for you, give me attitude because I dared disagree with your work schedule, then showing attitude when I cant talk online coz youve got viruses from the very dodgy sites you go on. Yeah, a fantastic boyfriend.''


Any takers??

yah... screw her!
if anyone was made to feel awkward, it was you, when she asked you to drop everything on the spur of the moment and skip work to run off with her and her friends on their holiday.
how are you ungrateful because they changed plans? you never asked them to.
she can "dare to disagree with your work schedule" all she wants, but it doesn't make her right to ask you to ditch, nor does it change the fact that you still have to go to work. she should disagree with her own boss about her own schedule and leave you to yours.
and the pun about the dodgy websites and viruses is an insult to call you a peeping tom porn addict. (which also, is none of her business!)
and then she insults you by acting as if you are a bad boyfriend.

i would not reply and i would cut all contact if i were you...but against my better judgment, it would take all i had in me not to reply this in return :

" i thought we were just friends?"

 

[HolyG]

Step 1 ) dump her

step 2 ) roissy.wordpress.com

 

[pipe007]

Grabs the popcorn!

this is getting interesting!!!

I'm just praying that the OP won't get all emotional over her "attacks" on him, and keep his frame, maybe dump her?

but he won't...

 

[Lucifero]

She rung me earlier and now she is blaming me for ruining her and her kids holiday. She also said she dosent know what she wants anymore. Not really sure what that means...

She has KIDS too? Thats a big :nono:

Your :crazy: for seriously dating this broad.

 

[Lucifero]

Yes I think that is why she is angry also. i do sem to pay for a lot of household things when Im round, sweets for her daughter, food, petrol etc...Yet she never seems to run out of funds for new clothes, shoes, wine etc

:crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Batten down the hatches, we have a wild hoe on the loose!

If you keep talking to this ***** I hope she plays the **** out of you. :kick:

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Joephil has nailed what you have to do. To nail it even more:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/200...cess-25-points-for-women-and-men-to-consider/

1. You are not a princess. You do not deserve to be treated like royalty just by virtue of your sex. You deserve to be treated no better or worse than you treat others.

2. You are not any more “special” nor any more “entitled” than anyone else. You don’t deserve special privileges and nobody “owes” you anything by virtue of who you are or because of your gender.

8. Your husband/boyfriend does not “owe” you. He shouldn’t be expected to financially support you and shower you with gifts unless you’re willing to reciprocate and equally support him without question or complaint. You’re neither his child nor his dependent.