Control and ego, burdens or necessities...

[SecondHalf]

For those who don't know me, I've been on sabbatical for a few months.
Life and individuality is progressing nicely.

That said, when you've been on bread and water for some time, should something drop from the sky ... well ... sure!

So, I've found myself in the situation where I'm kind of involved with these two different women. Both my age(ish), both uber intelligent, both successful, both in demand at some level. Neither a hottie, but both fine women.

One is mega rich, a socialite, very cute (tiny little spinner).
One is mega intelligent, has a dark side, happy to do weird sh1t while driving in the car...

The first, I think I'm a toy.
The second, I think I'm a sub for a while.

So be it, I don't want anything from either of them long term ... except the occasional purge.

What I'm dealing with though, is when I see though the BS du-jour, it kind of bugs me.
On one side, is it realistic to be a hypocrite?

I'm not certain that I will ever become suitably indifferent to be completely immune to this sort of crap.

I understand that being a DJ is very much a high level guide and a lifestyle where it pertains to women, but I guess what I'm not quite clear on is my expectations.

Should it bug me?

Should the ultimate goal be that these women can think of nothing else but me whilst I toy with them? Or accept what is available for now knowing plates will come and go.

Thoughts?

SH

 

[zekko]

What kind of "BS du-jour" are you talking about specifically? Just that you are a toy or sub to them?

Honestly, I like girls I'm with to be totally smitten with me, but I have to admit that's my ego talking. Really, that can create problems if you don't want anything substantial from them, ego or no ego.

 

[SecondHalf]

It's more like occasional BS rather than du-jour.

BS being the odd flake, the odd lie (easy to see), not being being invited to something I likely should given that "I'm a priority" ...
I get it, we all have our little games when not looking for anything substantial (at least with me / she ...).

But then that pesky ego starts allowing me to feel disappointment.
Why this bothers me in particular, is that I'm nervous I'm still getting as much validation from these women as I am just a physical release.

Perhaps a mild disappointment is ideal. If I am immune completely to it, I'm certain many women will sense me as a cold, empty soul. My game is not tight enough (nor likely will ever be) to not have to rely a little on my ... self? Thinking this through as I write it...
Maybe with a complete void of self involved, I'll not be very interested at all. Dunno!

zekko, it's nice to be flattered, sure, I'm the same. But do you feel disappointment when a plate spins off and roles away or is preparing to do so?

Question still stands...


SH

 

[disgustipated]

Look at it this.way...if everything went your way perfectly you would never have disappointments. Those disappointments can or could force you to self.evaluate which leads to growth and or learning opportunities.