contemplating on breaking my no contact with the ex

[Romjuan]

I've been in NC with my 2 year ex now for over a month after one texting coversation we had. Before that there was another 1 month of no contact. I feel as though I'm not progressing with moving on. I've been thinking about her more and more. I find myself wondering if she's dating anyone or if she's thought about me, then ill quickly realize what I'm doing and try and change my thoughts. I've been keeping busy, I feel like nothing is working. I'm in a huge slump with girls right now so I'm sure that's not helping my cause but I have heard she's doing everything the right way in terms of a break up. She's traveled, gotten promoted, meeting new people, hanging out with all her single friends, basically doing everything textbook that I should be doing. I wish I can do those same things but financially I can't travel, my job is more of a resume builder, and all of my friends have gfs. I find myself thinkn maybe I should get back into contact with her but I know I shouldn't for obvious reasons.
I was thinking about writing out all of my options and possible outcomes and determine the best course of action. I'm pretty sure it will show how I should not contact her, to the best I can to improve myself, and if I chose get into contact with her a year later. As I'm typing this I know there is nothing anyone can say to change my mood, but sometimes it does help to see your responses.

 

[Die Hard]

You know when a boxer gets knocked down, he lies on the floor, tries to get up, everything is spining around before his eyes? Both his body and his mind are telling him to stay down... But there's this "I won't quit, I won't give up", primal sort of 'drive' that will get him to stand up and NOT GIVE UP.

You need to find that drive right now...

 

[samspade]

You KNOW the answer. Stay NC. You'll be playing with fire otherwise. It's tempting and it's easy to be weak but you gotta stay strong.

 

[Kailex]

I've been in NC with my 2 year ex now for over a month after one texting coversation we had. Before that there was another 1 month of no contact. I feel as though I'm not progressing with moving on. I've been thinking about her more and more. I find myself wondering if she's dating anyone or if she's thought about me, then ill quickly realize what I'm doing and try and change my thoughts. I've been keeping busy, I feel like nothing is working. I'm in a huge slump with girls right now so I'm sure that's not helping my cause but I have heard she's doing everything the right way in terms of a break up. She's traveled, gotten promoted, meeting new people, hanging out with all her single friends, basically doing everything textbook that I should be doing. I wish I can do those same things but financially I can't travel, my job is more of a resume builder, and all of my friends have gfs. I find myself thinkn maybe I should get back into contact with her but I know I shouldn't for obvious reasons.
I was thinking about writing out all of my options and possible outcomes and determine the best course of action. I'm pretty sure it will show how I should not contact her, to the best I can to improve myself, and if I chose get into contact with her a year later. As I'm typing this I know there is nothing anyone can say to change my mood, but sometimes it does help to see your responses.

You're hopeless.

How about this for a response.
This has been going on for the entire year of 2010.

I've advised you MANY times before. Given you solid advice as well as the rest of the SoSuave crew and you fall back into it, again. And Again. And AGAIN.

Any future thread from you about the SAME girl, will get the blind eye from me. It's one thing to post about a girl and then months later have somewhat of a relapse, but you have been posting about her on and off since January. If you haven't learned by now, you never will.

Hell, you even admitted it yourself:

As I'm typing this I know there is nothing anyone can say to change my mood, but sometimes it does help to see your responses.

How does it help? You're still posting about her for the last 8 months or so.

 

[Romjuan]

You're hopeless.

How about this for a response.
This has been going on for the entire year of 2010.

I've advised you MANY times before. Given you solid advice as well as the rest of the SoSuave crew and you fall back into it, again. And Again. And AGAIN.

Any future thread from you about the SAME girl, will get the blind eye from me. It's one thing to post about a girl and then months later have somewhat of a relapse, but you have been posting about her on and off since January. If you haven't learned by now, you never will.

Hell, you even admitted it yourself:



How does it help? You're still posting about her for the last 8 months or so.

Kailex, I have always respected ur posts and your advice. Your dedication to helping the guys on this site is awesome, but not everyone moves on from their ex's the same. To come into a thread and bash the OP and basically say move on and man up is not constuctive nor helpful. I've read your other posts to me and it has been helpful. I've been having a hard time moving on but I've posted on here bc it helps to hear the same thing and new advice over and over.
So respectully, saying' man up and I'm getting annoyed' doesn't help me.

 

[BobMo']

Romjuan-
You have my sympathy. Now, get the hell out there, and get a life apart from thinking about the ex. Take a class, join a club, or do a meetup in something you're interested in, and for god's sake, don't discuss your ex with anyone you might meet. It really is time to man up.

 

[Desdinova]

not everyone moves on from their ex's the same.

You're right. Everyone does it differently. Take myself for example. After the first girl broke my heart, I thought about her constantly and dwelled on the breakup for 3 years. Then one day I woke up, realized what a stupid waste of time it was to dwell so long on a girl who didn't like me, and I put in the effort to move on.

If you're not going to put forth any effort to move on from this woman, you're going to remain lost in your feelings and your life. You'll waste your time crying over a heartbreak when you COULD get yourself a new job, travel, meet new people, and date a much BETTER and MORE ATTRACTIVE woman than your ex ever was.

But if you choose to wallow in your own 5hit for the rest of your life, your life is gonna stink.

 

[backbreaker]

you know... when guys like this post, i wonder just how low self esteem the woman must have to date someone like you. becuase dude, you ****ing suck. i hate to beat around the bush and be that blunt but what high quality woman would want to date you? listen to yourself grovelling like a *****.

 

[cavedweller]

Romjuan,

Picture this:

This Friday night you will be home, looking at 4 walls, thinking and crying about getting back together and she will be out on a date with some dude throwing the rod to her...

Pal, it is over...You need to move on...

Go out and find you a hot one..Hell, go find yourself 3 or 4 hot ones...

 

[Bluntmaster]

Dude you need to get over it. I just got out of a relationship with a girl that I grew up next to in high school but it's over and the girl is dead to me and I'm just moving on.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Rom Juan,
We are all hard wired to remember good experiences and forget the painful,it's a survival trait from our Predeluvian past...To go back is just to relive the reasons you gave up on her in the first place.

 

[Kailex]

Remind me why I should hold your hand anymore, Romjuan? We've done it for long enough. If you are not willing to put in the work, as Desdinova already stated, then there's nothing more we can say to "help" you.

Maybe this will finally wake you up -

Exhibit A: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170179
Your post about how she gives you attitude and has sex with you 2 times a week. Fine, we see these posts, give advice, a LOT of it very GOOD, SOLID advice of what to expect. I can dig it.

Exhibit B: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170940
Your post about breaking up and how to move on. Okay, that's the next standard step. Jophil and Scaramouche both warn you to go NO CONTACT to get over her, but you still want to hook up with her.

Exhibit C: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=171414
You are still heartbroken, and that's okay. It happens to even the best of us.

And here is where it starts breaking down:

Exhibit D: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=172219
You are STILL seeing her, 2 months after your original post about her. She's your ex and after Jophil and Scara specifically stated to go NC to get over her, you're still seeing her. Way to go. At this point, 2 months into it, more people tell you to go NC.

Now you DID post a few other times about other women you were dating. Okay, good, but did you go NC with your ex the whole time, in order to heal quicker from this process? NO.

Exhibit E: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=172901
Now you're worried about your ex seeing someone else... almost 3 months later. You're asking us for encouragement, we give it to you.

Exhibit F: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=173603
Few weeks later, in April. MORE OF THE SAME.

Exhibit G: THIS POST.

After being told NUMEROUS times to go NC by MANY of the people here on this board, you give us this:

I've been in NC with my 2 year ex now for over a month after one texting coversation we had. Before that there was another 1 month of no contact.

Math time: So you texted in the last month once, so, let's say that puts you back at mid-June. And that means you probably were contacting her between April and June, somehow in SOME FORM.

Then you say:

I feel as though I'm not progressing with moving on.

I WONDER WHY.

Had you gone NC from the very first time Scara and JoPhil had stated to do so...MONTHS ago, you probably would have been facing this healing process further down the road then you are right now. Why do you seek compassion in July? This has been going on since January. You've deliberately checked in on her or vice versa in the last few months. How do you get over someone if you keep bringing them back into your life... posting threads about them too?

This was a woman RIDDLED with RED FLAGS and you still think about her.

Even now you are STILL contemplating talking to her... and you know what, I think you will. There are issues within you that you don't care to address and probably never will. She's got you in the palm of her hand and guess what... SHE KNOWS IT.

If after MANY people saying: Go NC and stay NC...

You still are wondering WHAT TO DO NEXT...after SEVEN months, what else is there left to say? You are already saying no one can change your mood but you want words of encouragement? It helps to see responses?

Well, maybe you should REALLY ignore all the good advice given to you. Maybe you should break NC. Tell her that you love her, tell her that you want to get back to her. Tell her that you hate seeing her moving up in the world while you are stuck in the past pining over a woman who disrespected you while living with her. Tell her that she is the ONE for you and that you'd love nothing more than to get back with her, live together, and have no sex at all in an LTR. Tell her that no other woman compares to her and that this whole year has gone by and all you do is think about her. Tell her that your life is meaningless without her.

Come back and post here after she stops laughing.

 

[synergy1]

a lot of posts on this forum are folks seeking affirmation for what they already want to do. I can recall several other folks who were in similar situations continually seeking approval for hooking back up with their ex's or girls who aren't sexually attracted to them. One of the upsides to this board is that despite how frequently people post the same garbage questions, the mainstays continue to post the same solid answers to these questions. The hopeless ones, such as the OP, will continue to post questions they already know the answers too hoping a new shlub will say something like ' well there is a chance so you should do ____'

To the OP, I am in a similar situation and am feeling it now. Read up on other posts if you care, but the idea is simple...move on. Going back to her will just invoke those old feelings and crush your progress. I told my ex just this and she has respectfully agreed to avoid contact/ hanging out with my friends. its better this way, and while the recovery process will be lengthy, I can feel it already working. Amongst other plans are to get a new job, new apartment, new furniture ( left everything behind) and start over. This sort of thing is what everyone is advocating here, and I can see why it will work.

Focus on the positive aspects your future may hold, not the immutable portions of a relationship you choose to remember. The later will bring you too ruin.

 

[vatoloco]

"You can lead a horse to water..."

 

[Tiguere]

Romjuan my x left me fall of 2008 and I still think about her every single day. I still love the girl but I know getting back in contact with her will do me no good.

To this day I've had sex with 8 girls since the breakup. I also ask myself why do I still think of her. I find myself thinking about her when my ***** supply is short. There was a time for 6 months thag I had multiple girls and during those 6 months I only hought of my ex for a quick second everyday.

 

[cavedweller]

Romjuan,

There are only two ways to 'cure' a broken heart:

1..Get back together..

or

2..Find another...

 

[sandman007]

I don't post often but have experience in this area so feel compelled to share my insight. LISTEN to the guys saying to keep the NC going. I was in a 2 yr relationship with a woman I thought I would spend my life with. She broke up with me and I thought life would never be the same. We were apart for 9 months with intermittent contact before I got enough of her BS and moved on.....the first time.

Guess what? When she saw I was dating other women, she wanted me back. I told her thanks but no thanks initially but in the end, like a true idiot, I succumbed to her charms. Our reunion lasted all of 6 wks then I had to go through the same heartbreak again, even though it was a mutual decision to end it. Another 3 months of intermittent contact followed before I ceased and desisted for good. You don't know how many times I have berated myself for every getting involved with her again. I had made so much progress and was enjoying the company of other women and let her seduce me back into her world.

Even after I maintained the NC after our second breakup, there was a period of grieving at least as long as the first time. All told, I spent almost 2 years of my life worrying about where she was, who she was with, was she thinking about me, did she still care, etc.

Much like your ex may be doing with you, mine would feed me just enough BS to give me hope which she compounded by not dating anyone else for over a year after our initial split. I kept thinking she just needed time, after all if she wouldn't date other men, she still wanted me right? Wrong! It was just her way of keeping me hanging on. Before her, I had never been the kind of whining, sniveling, pathetic loser I became and that's exactly what you have become as well.

It sounds like you really loved this woman and I know it's hard to move on but as long as you have ANY contact, whether it be calls, emails, texts, you won't break free of this tangled web. There may never come a day when you don't have fleeting thoughts of her but over time you will see that she wasn't as perfect as you thought and that you are letting valuable time pass by that could be spent finding a new love.

But in the end, it's all about how long you want to punish yourself. I can assure you that your ex is willing to deliver the punishment as long as you're willing to accept it.

 

[cavedweller]

Romjuan,

Pal, No Contact is the only way to fly...

(you must move on)