Contacting a Former Oneitis "As A Friend"

[Juan_Man]

I haven't talked to her in three years and things ended on a bitter note (my bitter note). We are 1,000 miles apart from each other.

Now, I want to bury the ego, remove the chip off my shoulder, swallow my pride and email her to see how she's doing. I just want some closure so I don't have to keep thinking about her and get on with my life and hopefully find someone else.

A friend of told me that it's not a good idea because she probably won't even reply, which is what has been holding me back.

What do you think?

 

[cNfny]

well, to just email her out of the blue for some closure would come off a bit weird. but on the other hand, say you went somewhere, saw/heard something etc that made you think of her and sparked curiousity in how she's been, i would use that as the reason for the email.

i'm sure you can think of somethin to make up as a reason for the email and just do it if it's been buggin you to. see what happens.

 

[WRX_is_like_SEX]

The slope you have envisaged is imho slippery and perhaps best avoided . . .

 

[vitor]

why do you want to get back together with her. Its over move on

 

[DJDamage]

Now, I want to bury the ego, remove the chip off my shoulder, swallow my pride and email her to see how she's doing. I just want some closure so I don't have to keep thinking about her and get on with my life and hopefully find someone else.

Let her go.

There is no such thing as "Closure", its done and over with and all you are going to be doing is kicking a dead horse.

You say you want to bury the ego? the fact that you still have ego means that you still have oneitis in some capacity. You have ulterior motives and you ain't being honest with yourself.

If you get in contact with her you are going to regret it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I just want some closure so I don't have to keep thinking about her and get on with my life and hopefully find someone else.

Have you been hanging out in the forums at iVillage.com?

 

[Juan_Man]

Have you been hanging out in the forums at iVillage.com?

Haha. By your sarcasm, that must be AFC corner.

I guess I want to try a different approach. Instead of being angry and indignant (which hasn't help any at all in the last SIX years), I just want to be happy and positive again.

The only dating I've done has been short-term and I wasn't really into any of the girls (part of protecting my heart). I feel like something is holding me back.

I'm not going to lie. The idea of being in a relationship with my former oneitis has crossed my mind from time to time but I know now that it won't happen. We are in different states. Hell, she probably has a boyfriend now. I can accept that.

I truly just want to be friends. But maybe it's too late even for that.

 

[Potbelly]

uh why do you want to be friends?

c'mon man, grab your fvcking balls!! go out get other BETTER girls

 

[Ace_McGregor]

Let it go. Closure is a state of mind. What happens if you contact her and she tells you off. Then you'll feel even more unsatisfied than you do now.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I guess I want to try a different approach. Instead of being angry and indignant (which hasn't help any at all in the last SIX years), I just want to be happy and positive again...

SIX YEARS???!!!

Did she have the "Punani of Youth" or something? Is that what's keeping you from letting it go?

Do you want to know the secret to being happy and positive? DECIDE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE HAPPY AND POSITIVE!!!! It's easy to do too! You know how you've chosen not to let go and to dwell on being angry and indignant? Well you do the same thing, but instead you choose to be happy and positive! You can do it, you just have to want to do it (and not just say that you do). Besides, believing that her state in life is related to your happiness is just foolish.

Let her go and be the man that you want to be. :rockon:

Oh yeah, iVilliage.com is a site for women where they can post about how badly their lives are and how much their ex's had hurt them and most of them are on a quest for "closure."

 

[Juan_Man]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

I was doing fine. I have started a new internship which I love. But for some reason, I was thinking about her again at work the other day and I got a little depressed. I wanted to be 19 again. But now, I just got to realize that what's done is done and put it out of my life. Thanks again.

 

[Dark Chivalry]

I hate the word closure.

 

[PRMoon]

We all like to remember the good times of the past and even wish we could bring them back so we can live them all over again. Unfortunatly the past is for the most part dead. It's possible to bring people back into your life, but the longer you go without seeing them, the less you'll recognize that same person you cared about so much then. As time progresses, we all change in someway. The person you knew then likely doesn't exist anymore except for the memories that you hold. What's done is done and now it's time to live in the present and experience new things.

 

[STR8UP]

I disagree about women wanting closure. They might SAY they do, but....

Why do you think they leave sh!t at your place or keep things of YOURS even after you've broken up?

You know what closure is? It's making absolutely SURE that you give her back all of her sh!t and cut as many ties as possible so she has no reason to contact you again.

I ran across my ex on Myspace (ok, so I searched and found she had a page, SUE ME). I have to admit, I was tempted to send her a message. i thought about it RATIONALLY, and decided against it. I wouldn't be closing anything....I would be opening things up, despite what it would seem.

 

[STR8UP]

Oh yea, and another thing i have learned is that a man shouldn't even WANT closure in an emotional sense. It's tempting, especially when it ends badly. But fact of the matter is, you wanting closure is a WEAKNESS. It means she still has power over you.

If it ends badly, by all means, get her out of your life. But with any other relationship that maybe "just didn't work out" you should always leave the door open.

that's my goal with these casual relationships I have had recently. Even if they piss me off, I make sure that I take the high road and let it roll off my back. The last couple of women really did piss me off for different reasons, but I let it go. You never know when you might get a free piece of ass later on down the road. plus it isn't healthy to hold grudges.

Thats my take.

 

[RogueWarrior]

Everytime I think about past women who haven't worked out I remember the Van Halen video for "Right Now". There's a crawl at the bottom listing things that are supposed to be happening...wait for it...right now.

The killer is "Right now....she...is...going...on...with...her...life."

 

[Last Man Standing]

Don't do it kid - it is too late to do this - six years - she is going to think that you are a fool to still be thinking emotionally about her after such a long time.

Something is wrong with your head to be wanting her after such a long time - she most likely had 20 other penises in her various physical orifices by now -- why do you want such???

 

[Obsidian]

You are a man, and you deserve respect. Don't be "friends" with whatever b1tch disrespected you. Have you learned anything from this forum? Read the Bible, man.

 

[Juan_Man]

she most likely had 20 other penises in her various physical orifices by now -- why do you want such???

I know she's not like that. Maybe three penises.