contacted by ex-bpd. Broke NC need advice ASAP

[fuko2007]

Most of yall have read some of my threads about my relationship with tthis girl who most of us believe is bpd. Well ive been NC for about 13 days and lastnight i was over at a girls house that ive been talking to. My phone went off and i had a text from her saying she would like to talk and smooth things over but i could not respond to her at the moment.
Shortly after that i get another one saying or not and that we had spent alot of time togther and she was up set about the missunderstanding between us wich was i found out she was sleeping with other guys. I guess she is still tryng to convince me otherwise still. But i gave in and texted her back and agreed to meet. That was my fuc* up number one. She also kinda surprised me because she said if i did not want to it was ok bc she didnt want to cause me anymore problems.
Is that a gilt trip? or is she really taking into consideration my feelings? it really confused me. But i guess my question is what do yall thinK? It does not sound like she is trying to reconcile our relationship but trying to be friends. Or maybe soften the blow to her ego while she goes out and fuc*ks other guys? Im really confused by this whole thing.
I think if we do talk im just going to tell her i dont care and that ive moved on. We can be civil with each other if we run into one another out in public but as far as friends goes that it is probabially not a good idea and would probabially not work out any way. But what im scared of is she will tell me the truth and say she was sleeping with other guys. but maybe thats what i need to hear from her that way i can be like fuc* off your a slut and leave me alone wich is what i said the first time and look where that got me. She contacted me. HELP GUYS?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

None of this is about you, that's the first thing you need to realize.

Yes she is trying to guilt you into opening up contact with her again. The fact that you responded tells her she still has you on the hook.

If you know 100% that she was sleeping with other guys, you shouldn't be talking to her period. The more you ignore a true BPD, the more you re-create their fears of abandonment and she will keep trying.

Your doing well in spinning other plates, that's one of the best remedies to any situation (even getting over a BPD), but I can tell your still very emotionally invested in her.

I understand your need for complete closure, so if you feel like you didn't get that yet and you want to meet up with her just to hear it from the horses' mouth I can't say I blame you. BUT true BPD's are master manipulators and liars. She will likely spin the whole story and deny sleeping with any guys, then use guilt to make you feel sympathy (white knight) for her.

Then slowly but surely she will start contacting you more and more and if your weak you will go back.

You have to hit rock bottom with these byatches before you can fully move on.


Keep posting here and we will keep your head on straight.






PIMP

 

[fuko2007]

thanks man. ill post and let yall know whats going on and or what happens. But i think your right. when i first confronted her about some texts on her phone she blew up and tried making me feel bad. then someone came foward and told me the people she had been sleeping with. no time frame of when but she had slept with them before. and she had been out with a few of them while we were seeing each other and made the statement that she had never slept with them but now i know that she lied. so i guess if we talk im going to lay everything out and there can be no spin because there will be no way out of it she has been cought in a lie. but ill keep u posted on this and thanks by the way.

 

[GotED?]

It is human nature to think back ONLY about the good things you miss about someone.

Don't fall for this human fallacy. Remember all the head-f0cking you got from your ex-BPD and the way you were disrespected.

Keep your energy on other women, and enjoy the heck out of life with women who treats you right. Never look back. Life is not about going backwards, but moving forward.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[fuko2007]

It is human nature to think back ONLY about the good things you miss about someone.

Don't fall for this human fallacy. Remember all the head-f0cking you got from your ex-BPD and the way you were disrespected.

Keep your energy on other women, and enjoy the heck out of life with women who treats you right. Never look back. Life is not about going backwards, but moving forward.

With respect,

Exodus

Thanks exodus, good advice...ill try to keep that in prespective if we meet and not fall back in the trap

 

[GotED?]

Meeting her = fall back in the trap. NC is the only way to go.

 

[Kbomb]

Yeah, there is no advice. Drop her like a bad habit.

 

[Trailboss]

lol...some guys just *want* to be in that trap.........

 

[casaanova]

Women don't like to be Nexted. A girl can cheat on you with 10 other guys, sell your house & home and crash your car, and when you tell her "It's over, we're done", she'll be like "Why?". Amoralism and illogisism are a nasty combo. Even though your ex was in the wrong, she wants you to "forget" about it and keep dating her anyway - that's all it is. Nothing has probably changed, she just wants another free chance.

Shortly after that i get another one saying or not and that we had spent alot of time togther and she was up set about the missunderstanding between us wich was i found out she was sleeping with other guys.

What's the misunderstanding? That she took it in the butt, not the vagina? gtfoh

 

[asa_don]

Who cares if she contacted you. She wants something out of you. That is why she contacted you. Change your number and get over it.

I don't get all the guys who have BPD ex's that feel the need to talk to them after they treated them like crap.

Why do you want to go through that again? You should be glad it's over and done with.

Both them and the BPD ex should have their heads examined.

 

[fuko2007]

thanks guys for the advice. Lots of good stuff here. we never went through with it yesterday ...im posting our convo via text

HER: I would like to talk or sen u an email
HERr not. we shared a great deal bof time togther. I hate that it ended with complete misunderstandings. I'm sorry
ME: Left phone at office, im off at 5 i you would like to meet somewhere i'm open to that
HER: i may have to do a businees dinner with an acct rep but wont know untill later, and i dont want to cause you any further issue. just wanted to make peace over a fe things. if its best to do that by email thats ok just wasnt sure if you would even read it.
ME: i would rather face to face it
HER:just dont want anymore anger and violence, and that was directed at both of us
ME:i can understand that,ive got a busy day ill text around 5 and see what your status is
ME:Meeting?
HER:still at work in a meeting dont want to hold u up.
ME:k...that works out great then. I had forgotten i had plans for tonight and was going to ask if we could postpone untill tomorrow
HER:i will just send an email probabially better that way
ME:Why? i would like to see your face, but if you feel more comfortable that way then thats ok.
HER: Just dont want to cause further issues and anger
ME: You wont, anything ive ever had to say to you that came from my heart i told you when i was looking you in the eye. i would aask that you give me that same respect.
HERont know what the **** that was supposed to mean, Sorry. i dont care to get into a pissing match. Thats why i said id just email, i dont need to interact with anyone.
ME:that ment that anytime i had something to say that came from my heart i did it in person. nothing to get mad about. i would take that as a compliment. dont email me. when you can talk face to face let me know.
HER: gotcha. alot of things have been said in person
ME: wow..you know i thought we were supposed to talk about whatever it was u wanted to say without anger etc. and look at you
HER: nevermind. that was the hurt more so than the anger. we dont need to do this sorry. certainly did not mean to get into by text. sorry. enjoy your night
ME:Hurt?...did you ever ask me how i felt when...never mind,,and cant even pick up your phone. you were the one that contacted me. thanks. ive moved on and i hope u do to. and thanks i think i might enjoy myself tonight please dont contact me anymore.
HER: what just happened?
HER:sorry. wont contact u again. things didnt happen as u think. glad u have moved on and are happy. wont try to contact u again

A text later that night after we talked a bit more

HER: we are both hyper sensitive. we both care...will continue to believe that. but we are both waiting to be hurt. i just want to find a way to tell u the positives...and for you to know what didnt really happen. that may or may not be good at this point but that was the objective. dont want to fuc* with you wrold. goodnight i promise i will not bother u from here on out.

weve talked since then and agreed we would try to sit down and be civil. i just dont see that happening do yall? any way any advice is welcome.

 

[sadonomspa]

Damn dude,

This reminds me of why I posted alot of stuff on this forum in November. I haven't spoken to my bpd since NYE. She has contacted me once since then but I have not responded.

It will get better but you have to stick to NC. If you tell her dont contact me you moved on and you keep contacting her she will constantly call your bluff. She probably figures if you let her get away with all this how far can she go some more?

The way I ve been dealing with NC on my end is something I told myself " If she is capable of doing this much to me then how much more hurt is she capable of doing"?

Who knows maybe one day youll have a kid with her and she will keep them from seeing you and extort you for child support. List goes on and on buddy boy

 

[fuko2007]

well guys i did it and gave in. I sat down and listen to her cry and tell me why she was upset. She said she had never slept with anyone while we were seeing each other and still hasnt slept with anyone. She then inturn asked me if i had and i said no. "slight lie". but she also said it hurt her when i accused her of doing that and that i listend to someone else before i asked her. But i cant shake this feeling that she lied about that. especially one guy in particular. Anyway i didnt say much i just let her talk and heard what was on her mind. I did go in with the mindset of how she is and what she might be trying to do if that is the case and was not going to fall into the trap.

I'm going to continue seeing these girls ive been talking to as to keep my options open and see whats out there. I have been having fun these past two weeks just sleeping with random women. Now that the door is shut with her i think i have some peace and can really enjoy myself now but not without a little hurt. I know in about a month or so i will ahve forgotten this ever happend. with that said ive got a big weekend guys i hope yall do to and thanks for all the advice. it helps me keep my head on straight and keep things in prespective.

 

[Kbomb]

well guys i did it and gave in. I sat down and listen to her cry and tell me why she was upset. She said she had never slept with anyone while we were seeing each other and still hasnt slept with anyone. She then inturn asked me if i had and i said no. "slight lie". but she also said it hurt her when i accused her of doing that and that i listend to someone else before i asked her. But i cant shake this feeling that she lied about that. especially one guy in particular. Anyway i didnt say much i just let her talk and heard what was on her mind. I did go in with the mindset of how she is and what she might be trying to do if that is the case and was not going to fall into the trap.

I'm going to continue seeing these girls ive been talking to as to keep my options open and see whats out there. I have been having fun these past two weeks just sleeping with random women. Now that the door is shut with her i think i have some peace and can really enjoy myself now but not without a little hurt. I know in about a month or so i will ahve forgotten this ever happend. with that said ive got a big weekend guys i hope yall do to and thanks for all the advice. it helps me keep my head on straight and keep things in prespective.

Sounds like your delusional. You have no intention of shutting the door. Good luck with that cheating *****, and we'll be seeing you crying on this forum again soon enough.

 

[fuko2007]

Sounds like your delusional. You have no intention of shutting the door. Good luck with that cheating *****, and we'll be seeing you crying on this forum again soon enough.

well im not seeing / talking to her anymore. the past couple of weeks opend my eyes again and i realized how many more plates are out there and why in the hell i was in that type of relationship. I just wanted to hear what she had to say and see if it would be textbook BPD. it was on point somewhat. the diffrence between me and your AFC is im not crawling back to her. I armed myself with the knowledge of how they are and what to expect so i did not fall back in. And i didnt. I left shortly after we talked with no expectation of going back. To much fun to be had to be in that type of telationship.

 

[Kbomb]

well im not seeing / talking to her anymore. the past couple of weeks opend my eyes again and i realized how many more plates are out there and why in the hell i was in that type of relationship. I just wanted to hear what she had to say and see if it would be textbook BPD. it was on point somewhat. the diffrence between me and your AFC is im not crawling back to her. I armed myself with the knowledge of how they are and what to expect so i did not fall back in. And i didnt. I left shortly after we talked with no expectation of going back. To much fun to be had to be in that type of telationship.

Good sh!t. Never contact her again. Not even for a cup of sugar.

 

[fuko2007]

Good sh!t. Never contact her again. Not even for a cup of sugar.

haha...i copy that...wouldnt want any from her anyway..not even sugar sugar...haha..thanks for all the support from you guys. if there is anything i can help yall on let me know.

Fuko2007 OUT.

 

[Skalioppe]

She'll contact you and draw you back in, or you'll crack, I guaran-fvcking-tee it. Also, I bet you she lied to you about fvcking other men, just as you did. She asked if you had, to validate her ego. So by saying no you played into her hands. If you meant what you said about excommunicating her you would've said "Yes, if I'm honest I have fvcked a few other women".

You'll definitely talk to her again.... I'd wager good money on it.

 

[Julian]

my ex bpd has been steady contacting me every week. i went NC about 3 weeks ago. Havent responded at all. it gets easier with time. we said our final things and ended it, now she wants to keep talking..like what the fuk is there left to talk about? we aren't getting back together, you have fked other guys and are therefore now tainted, please leave me alone. Thats how im feeling inside about it so i dont respond to her. OP dont be sucka

 

[xstang77]

Seriously dude I'm 1 month nc myself with my bpd ex,she's showing you crocodile tears,she either needs something or it feel through with her new supply to suck the soul out of,I know I won't hear from mine again,she's in a new r/s her second guy in a months time,13 days is nothing man,generally give these girls 1 month to 2 tops and they'll be on another dudes **** and done with you. she's telling you what you want to hear.