Constructive criticism on some texting, thanks!

[soahc]

Hey all-

I met this smart, sexy woman my age who is very mature and a catch all around. I really want to date her. She works for the same temp agency I do and she gave me a ride home the other night. I was nervous because I always am around ladies that I am interested in on more than simply a sexual level, and I didn'nt plan on asking for her number, but she told me to take it before she dropped me off!

So I texted her yesterday thanking her for the ride home. She hit me back. we conversed. She said she had an interview for a promotional gig and I said with her smile she's a good as hired. It was a decent exchange of texts but I felt like I wasnt being funny enough, wasnt showing myself enough because I was nervous. She asked me what I was up to at that moment, I said I was about to ask her the same thing, and asked if she'd like to have dinner. She said she needed to sleep because of the am interview but we could rain check, and that it sounded fun. We texted a few more times then she said goodnight and "talk to you tomorrow".

Today I texted her to ask how the interview went. She returned. Todays exchange follows:

Her: Interview was good, how was your day?

Me: Alright, I just took care of laundry and errands, you know the exciting things in life.

Her: LOL! Yeah handle your biz pimping! (She is ghetto but smart and professional. She can switch between two personas, which I like)

Me: Hell yeah you know I got to get my hustle on or I got to get gone. I pimped out that laundry room.

Her: LOL! Your crazy do you smoke?

Me: Not anymore, I dont drink either. But I am good company unlike some sober people.

After that text I was second guessing myself, wondering if it was coming from the right place. So I followed up with:

Me: But I'll let you be the judge of that over dinner. (Tried to get a little more assertive here, expressing my interest clearly.)

Her: Haha just asking, I smoke on occasion.

Me: I love the smell of it though.

Her: Haha...yeah I really like the smell better than the high.

Me: (here's where I went for more ****y funny) Word. When I'm wealthy I want to have kilos of it laying around the house as air freshener.

Her: Word!!!! Me too! hahahaha

Me: (Here's where maybe I went a little too far with the same joke and being funny but she reacted well) Then when it gets too dry and starts to get all over the carpet we (notice I said we not I) can just bring it to the beach and have a camp fire. Best smelling campfire around ; )

Her: ;-) Ok! Thats hot! hahaha


Me: Word.

Her: Hey I got a tummy ache and I need to lay down for awhile, I'll hit you up later ok?

Me: Cool. Hope you feel better.

Her: Thanks!

The End.


I think that went well. I addressed some concerns I had and reacted well in my opinion. I expressed interest and seemingly made sure that she knew that we are not just becoming buddys but that I am interested in dating her. The only thing I can see thats missing is negs but she is smart and has no ***** shield so are they necessary.

It bugs me how I get when I am around ladies I actually like, because when it is just someone I just want to **** I am never nervous.

Thanks for input!

 

[Jeffst1980]

Ohhh, you have a lot to learn. But good job on initially attracting this woman.

You may think that you're demonstrating what a fun guy you are by sending her all those texts, but you're actually committing a cardinal sin by sending out super needy vibes.

When you text a woman this much before you've been intimate with her, you slowly kill her attraction to you. This is because you are implicitly telling her that you have nothing better to do than text some girl YOU HAVEN'T BEEN OUT WITH back and forth all day long. Notice how you seemed to put way more effort into your responses than she did.

Don't communicate your personality via text. Texting, as well as that paradoxical idea of "online game," is not "real." If/when you meet her in person, you're going to have to start from scratch--in other words, texting does nothing to communicate your value in the real world.

Make no mistake, I think texting is a great tool. I often send a text or two to a girl that I didn't build enough comfort with on the initial meeting--but just a funny one-off text that doesn't "fish" for a response. Asking an open ended question like, "how was your day?" is just obnoxious.

From now on, leave her wanting more. I would say no more texts until you go out with her, but you're gonna text her anyway, so just keep em short, witty, and then (most importantly) STOP. Say you're in the middle of something and you'll talk to her soon. You need to show that your time is more valuable.

FYI, dinner dates are a terrible first date. Do a search on here and I'm sure you'll find some threads on why that is.

 

[soahc]

Ok, no more texts until we go out. I am not going to contact her until she contacts me. If she doesn't I'll give it a few days and call her? Maybe a week and call her? Invite her out for lunch or coffee?

 

[thedeparted]

Forget about her. First fix your attitude. You said you wanted to date her. What does that mean? You want to drive her around, buy her dinner and flowers?

What do you ACTUALLY want from her? You got to start by owning up to your own desires as a man and not apologizing. That will make you less nervous around women. You'd like to kiss her, fvck, spank her, smell her, or just ride her face with your c0ck. You don't want to "date" her, right?

Okay, now that you can own up to your desires you're being a man. Now that you're being a man, why do you have to buy her lunch, dinner, coffee or any other shlt? You, a man, are a prize. Be it.

So I'd say turn this boat on a dime and cut off all contact now. No more text, no more call, and don't ask her out. You will see her again, right, due to work or whatever? Arrange that accidental encounter somehow in the next week and until then, let it sit. That will increase her curiosity and desire. Where did you go? What other chicka is getting your attention now? Is she not good enough? Then hit her between the eyes with your awesome -- yet calm and indifferent -- personality in person, and let her resume the chase where she started it. Maybe if she's smart enough to buy you flowers you can let her make you dinner in the end...

Her in two weeks --> :flowers:

 

[soahc]

True, my attitude is all ****ed up because I am broker than I have been in years, my car is gone, I am riding the bus, and constantly worried about money.


Whats wrong with dating? I am not talking about expensive dinners, I am not talking about buying her everything. I am just talking about getting together for some conversation and interaction. There's nothing wrong with using 'dating'. No, I am interested in more than just banging her. She has a personality that I like.

I had relegated myself to not dating until my career picked up but I met her and she seemed interested so I was like okay. I guess I should just not mess with women until I get more money and wheels. It is messing with my game.

 

[Colossus]

I guess I should just not mess with women until I get more money and wheels. It is messing with my game.

No, you cant mess up game which you dont already have.

Dont use your lack of money and wheels as an excuse; because when you do have money and wheels you'll find another excuse to explain what is most likely an inner deficit.

As said above, you are putting wayyyy too much thought into texting. Some of the older guys here really admonish texting, IM, and the like; and they have valid reasons, but it really boils down to the situation and how you use it.

"Convo-Texting" a woman you havent already established frame and intimacy with is bad. Convo-texting in general is not good for non-platonic pursuits with women. Same goes for IM, and email to a lesser extent. All of these are buffers, and should be used sparingly until you have some face time to assess her and her interest.

As a general rule, you should not initiate texting with her; only respond. The exception would be a witty joke or funny pic here and there, or a date confirmation.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm the first to criticize the anti text/IM/email/Myspace/[insert any modern technology people use here] police, but I have to agree. You need to get her on the phone and face to face if you want anything to happen.

 

[soahc]

No, you cant mess up game which you dont already have.

Dont use your lack of money and wheels as an excuse; because when you do have money and wheels you'll find another excuse to explain what is most likely an inner deficit.

As a general rule, you should not initiate texting with her; only respond. The exception would be a witty joke or funny pic here and there, or a date confirmation.

Actually I do already have game. I know I do because I have lived it. Trust me, the fact that I only have $20 in my bank account and I don't know how I'm going to make rent is mainly whats throwing me off.

I am not going to pretend like I am not interested in this woman. She's too sophisticated to do that. But not sounding needy is definitely something I'd like to do. I agree that I need face to face, but I had already established some face to face prior to texting. She had also seen me flirting with other women.

Another reason I may have sounded needy was because I was alone and bored. I am not a highly social animal. My group game is off. Once I can get the woman alone with me it is usually cool, but gaining her trust by gaining the trust of the group is definitely something I need to work on. I need to befriend her coworker friends.

 

[jophil28]

Actually I do already have game. I know I do because I have lived it. Trust me, the fact that I only have $20 in my bank account and I don't know how I'm going to make rent is mainly whats throwing me off.

I will lend you $1000 if you just make some kind of move here.

Your lack of wheels is an obstacle but not one which should confine you to the monastery. Tell her your car is in the shop and ask her to pick you up.
"Date" her if that makes sense to you..

Where do I send the money ?

 

[soahc]

I cant give my address out to someone I have never met over the internet. If you want to lend me money than we can talk on the phone and work out how you can get it wired to me via Western Union. That said I could really use the loan. If you are in LA maybe we could meet up in person.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

Hey Jophil while you are handing out money, I could use a couple grand too.

 

[Colossus]

I would like to apply for the Jophil Scholarship as well. I can write a mean essay.

 

[cedd]

YOU should have used the time you had wasted in that text convo for a short time phone call. period.

cheers

 

[soahc]

I agree, phone is more constructive when it all comes down to it.

She also had said 'text me...or call...' when she gave me her number. So I figured she was a texter. A lot of women prefer texting. I actually prefer it too. It is more to the point. But maybe that is why I am a writer and not a stand up comic.

 

[#41]

YOU should have used the time you had wasted in that text convo for a short time phone call. period.

cheers

It's all a matter of perspective...

I can text someone while I'm doing any number of things -- be it at work or even out at the bar with a free moment. If I want to call someone, I have to stop what I'm doing and make a phone call, including finding a place where I can be heard and where I won't be annoying someone else in public.

There are many reasons not to text frequently, but "wasting time" is a bad rationale, and inaccurate at best. If anything, texting can be a time-saver.

 

[cedd]

in that case is it a waste of time cause he has never met this chick and has a convo via text messages. convo that doesnt lead to anything. (a date)

texting is good if its funny and short.

 

[jophil28]

I would like to apply for the Jophil Scholarship as well. I can write a mean essay.

You sure can write goodly.
The check is in Locker #123,first floor, at LAX.

 

[jophil28]

Hey Jophil while you are handing out money, I could use a couple grand too.

Row your VIking ship down here and we will do the town, on me.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Yes,
Women love texting. I've heard it from the mouth of an AW. She loved the CONTROL it gave her. She felt empowered to control a man using the buffer of it all. Not to berate the OP, just learn here that texting is NEVER to be used for more than quick, can't communicate by voice type messaging. Ask yourself before you text,"would this message best be communicated by voice"? If so then CALL.

KC

 

[#41]

The problem w/ that attitude, KC, is that texting is never going to become less prevalent -- it's only going to increase as more and more people switch to smartphones, iphones, and blackberries.

Texting is a part of the game now, especially with the generation of women ages 21-30. Some things, like the importance of a real phone call, will never go away -- but being able to work text messaging into your game (and not burying your head with the "I don't text" card) *will* become essential within the next few years, if it isn't already.