"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Considering dumping my gf

foolishbrosef

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With my current gf of 4 mos, things are entirely different than the situations in the past in which I've maintained high interest levels. I am stuck in a city going to graduate school at a small university (about 4,000 total students) in a program full of mostly unattractive women. Neither my girlfriend nor I have many friends here (I would say that my roommate is my only other friend here) mostly because it's a commuter university and nobody seems to be my type of person.

We are in the same master's program, are taking all the same classes, and the only time she isn't around me is when she's working at her lab (this is about 4 hrs a day during weekdays). We have a ton of sex, probably averaging around 2-3 times a day. I'm not as physically attracted to her as I used to be, but I dig her a lot. This creates what I would mockingly call a student marriage type of situation.

Regardless, I picked this girl out because she seemed stable, nerdy, committed, and could make for a great LTR. She's extremely awkward around people she doesn't know and most of the girls in my program despise her; she might even have a mild form of asperger's. Additionally, her first and only bf dumped her because she was too clingy. She has told me that she wants to be a housewife (kinda weird that she's doing an extremely lucrative master's degree, though).

Last week, we were on vacation with our only two friends here besides my roommate and the girls were talking about how they wanted to marry their boyfriends (everybody is between the ages of 24 and 25). When they asked my gf if she wanted to marry me, she responded that she had never thought about it. I heard about this conversation through my gf when she remarked that it was weird that they were already thinking about marriage. Additionally, she told me that they suggested that she didn't love me enough.

I agreed with their suggestion and I let her know that. When women are actually in love, they're being irrational and bat****. Seeing as that this chick basically hangs out with me all day and I'm her life in PA, I got upset and asked her if she saw any potential for marriage here. I've been fucking around with sluts and had a 4 mos relationship in the last 2 years w/ a bipolar girl and I'm sick of being on the merry-go-round. I stewed about it for several hours and nearly dumped her, but then realized that my life would be very awkward for a while if this happened.

I think I've screwed up beyond repair in this situation by letting my emotions go haywire like that. I realize that dating is inherently a shallow, shallow game, and by going bat**** like I did over something so serious that I rationally don't even want yet, I probably have negative points in the psychological game.

I think the best thing to do might be to dump her because I now feel like I'm getting used for company by a girl that hates being alone. Girls are all the same: if you have a life outside of them and only see them for sex and occasional dates, and treat them with enough attention that they don't feel neglected, then they fall in love. Your actual connection, or whatever you want to call it, doesn't really matter ultimately.

I feel like this one's a lost cause. I now know what to do when I get the next girl. If you guys have any other suggestions besides dumping her, I will consider them. I will feel like crap for a while if I dump her because I really like her, but I've done this before in different situations and life always eventually gets better.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Scaramouche

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Dear Brosef,
You are suffering from Explorers sickness....In short you are both in each others hair far too much...get off campus regularly,find a few plates...attend Dance classes,Yoga,cooking classes....any darned thing to get you away from each other...In the typical marriage situation how much time do the average couple get together?about one fifth of the time you two share,and about the same amount of Svex if they are lucky....I think you two are extremely compatible,you would be a fool to walk away from her,just right size your relationship!
 

foolishbrosef

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Scaramouche said:
Dear Brosef,
You are suffering from Explorers sickness....In short you are both in each others hair far too much...get off campus regularly,find a few plates...attend Dance classes,Yoga,cooking classes....any darned thing to get you away from each other...In the typical marriage situation how much time do the average couple get together?about one fifth of the time you two share,and about the same amount of Svex if they are lucky....I think you two are extremely compatible,you would be a fool to walk away from her,just right size your relationship!
Jeez man, when I first met her, I thought "****, this could be it." The amount of compatibility was and still is outrageous.

I would hate myself for months if I ditched her.

While I'm a novice at plate spinning, I've done it a couple times with 4 different girls in about the span of 6 months, of course it was just two girls at once; only a crazy person has enough time to date 4 girls simultaneously. I don't even consider it cheating; it's just something that happens if you're a sociable man. If I attended any kind of classes, I would eventually find ***** and perhaps my gf realizes this and blocks me.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Brosef,
Learn something....The most valuable thing you can give a Woman is your absense...It definitely makes the heart grow stronger...not seeing her so much will keep things vibrant,fresh,dynamic just go and do a mixed exercise class,chat up a few birds she will start looking nice again.
 

foolishbrosef

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Thanks, man.

I've always thought that the only thing wrong with this relationship is that we spend so much damn time together.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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speed dawg

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Don't stay with her out of fear of losing her. Obviously I don't understand the whole of your situation, but if you're just worried that you'll never do better and you're settling, then I'd get out. Comes down to a simple question.....do you want to date her or do you not? Man up and answer that, then live with the decision. Quit listening to what comes out of her mouth.
 
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