consequences of being abused

[Cinamon]

I have only ever discussed this with two very close friends before and neither of them were emotionally equipped to help me deal with this situation.

When I was about 9, i was molested by a man on repeated occasions, who would have raped me, if i werent able to get away from him quick enough. The whole thing happened over a period of time, and got worse and worse. Once it stopped and the guy got what he deserved i blocked this out of my mind completely.

When i was about 24 something happened that bought all these memories back and i confided in my partner at the time and another really close friend, but even now i dont feel like i have got closure from it.

I sometimes wonder how much that has impacted on the way i deal with my relationships with people and whether i will ever be able to put this behind me. Sometimes i think people see me as weak and vulnerable and feel they can walk all over me and use me for there personal gain. I like to be the powerful, dominant one in relationships to balance this and occasionally i overstep the mark.

Has anyone been through this and would like to share their experience.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://tinyurl.com/my3tj3

I always recommend this book to Sosuave's various survivors of trauma as the book helped me a great deal.

I went through a great deal of trauma in a very short period of time where a lot of my family was wiped out by cancer and hell I even had to put down a pet I'd had for a lifetime as well. This combined with other traumas gave me PTSD.

Fortunately I was able to recover from it due to this book and professional therapy and though my trauma's were not the same as yours all those of us who've been through the torturous mental grind that trauma and loss brings can identify with your pain and if nothing else be another person out there in the world that shares a similar struggle.

The thoughts you have of feeling weak, the mental repression all of that is PTSD fvcking with your brain.

PTSD literally changes how the brain works.

You may be literally happy one day but it can make you cry against your will, make you angry, make you have bizarre thoughts.

Understand that you are not going crazy, its just a mixup of brain chemistry.

Combat veterans often suffer from this same thing and not many people naturally find such men that would risk their lives to be weak.

If a person with PTSD behaves in a way that others would construe as weak its the disorder acting out.

The brain is so effected and messed with because your mind is trying to grasp and understand and put in place something overwhelmingly awful that happened to you.

And because the things that cause PTSD tend to be so awful on an epic scale the mind is trapped in flux constantly trying to make sense of what likely never will make sense and even if a therapist helps a person consciously come to a closure where something makes sense the brain was so jarred by the initial trauma you may have to put up with abnormal thoughts the rest of your life. That doesn't mean doom and gloom however it just means you have to be mindful of your thoughts and not put too many stressors on yourself throughout a day.

Try and find time to relax and be calm.

Another thing PTSD sufferers have to deal with is secondary damage which is to say ignorant comments from people who think you should just be able to get over it and move on by doing this that or the other thing.

What they fail to understand is the brain is literally injured and changed from the psychological trauma the PTSD sufferer experienced.

They can never fully go back to the way they were again.

They can recover a great deal but usually never be 100%.

 

[Desdinova]

Moved to AE...

 

[Bible_Belt]

A female friend's ex husband was molested as a child by his uncle. He never told her until after they were divorced. Until then she never understood why he didn't seem to like sex. He also became a police officer, probably in a subconscious desire to have power that he did not have as a child.

The human mind deals with a traumatic experience by re-living it in the mind over and over. For sexual abuse, the victim will have it on his or her mind every time sex is about to happen. Women who have been abused are usually the ones who want rough sex. Maybe men, too.

 

[piranha45]

i thought women who were abused hated sex, women who are secure and subconsciously sound are the ones who want rough sex because they are uninhibited.

 

[Bible_Belt]

women who are secure and subconsciously sound


I don't think there is such a thing.

 

[piranha45]

touche...

then ill add the term "relatively" in there. they need some degree of mental stability just to orgasm.

 

[Cinamon]

It is something I am really ashamed off, even though in no way was this my fault, and I understand that I was a victim. I think in my younger days, I was probably perceived as an easy target, because apart from this person, there were two more people who crossed the line and took advantage when i gave them no encouragement what so ever, but at least with them, i was at age of consent and not 9, it makes it slightly different.

I think Bible belt you are right, and thats where my desire for rough sex comes from. I know that on some level i do also use sex as a tool to manipulate people, but i dont know if that is something everyone does.

The thing i struggle to cope with is, i cant tell any partners about this, because at some point or another they will want me to disclose who the person is, and I dont want to do that, cause then it will always be in the present and never in the past.

You know, I have forgiven the person for what they did a long long time ago, and they know this, but the memory doesnt go away, and can leave me in a depressive state for weeks on end.

 

[Cinamon]

I went through a phase of being plump through age of bout 13 to 19, then I took better care of myself. I do winder whether being sexually abused when younger results in puberty occurin at an earlier stage. Both my cousin n I had full breasts aged ten n we were both molested whereas her siblings n mine didn't develop till they were bout 14.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You know, I have forgiven the person for what they did a long long time ago, and they know this, but the memory doesnt go away, and can leave me in a depressive state for weeks on end.

Thank you for sharing as much as you have. I would just kill the guy, but you are a better person than me.

 

[Cinamon]

Hi crimson king.
I read somewhere that people who are abused are more likely to go on and abuse others, and this is something that has always worried me.

What your uncle did to you was wrong and although you followed suit with yourbrother you also recognised the impact of your actions and rectified them before it was too late. Well. Done for reversing the damage you did with your brother and becoming a positive role model.