Connection: Do you and her CLICK?

[Mike32ct]

I'm in a big dry spell right now. I was thinking back about the women I had one night stands with. I was trying to find a common denominator, so I could pull it off again.

I found it. We had a CONNECTION. One thing you will notice with this game is that how much girls' responses vary when you approach them. Some won't respond and ignore you. Some will give you one word answers. Some will try to talk to you for a few minutes, but quickly get bored/distracted. Other times, she's sort of interested, but you are both grasping at straws trying to think of stuff to say, and you are getting nowhere.

But every so often, I meet a girl and the conversation just FLOWS EFFORTLESSLY. We are both talking a mile a minute and lose track of time. Before I know it, we might be talking for a few hours. I'm enjoying her company so much that I don't really care that much if I sleep with her that night.

I'm NOT talking about mushy lovey dovey romantic stuff. I just mean her and I "CLICK."

So instead of focusing on trying to get laid (which can make me awkward and creepy), I need to start going out with the plan that, "I want to meet a girl tonight that I CLICK with." (Obviously this NOT easy and is a low odds numbers game. Good connections are rare.)

Also standard game stuff applies here. Kino during this conversation is assumed. Then later on, inviting her back to my place is a very natural thing to do. Also, I'm referring to bar/lounge game. This obviously works best on lone wolves. With her friend present, it's more difficult, but possible.

(You obviously don't talk this long in a club. You talk for maybe 15 minutes at MOST, then get on the dance floor and send the kino into high gear.)

Granted, if you meet someone who IS just looking to hook up, a connection isn't strictly necessary. But I've done best when we "clicked."

 

[Yo'Mama]

Very true Mike.

And I think this is why very generic type guys do well with women. Because their personalities are straightforward and accessible they are bound to 'click' with a large number of women. It's the lowest common denominator thing. Just like very average music will sell the best because it appeals to the greatest number of people.

For guys who are a bit quirky, idiosyncratic, etc, it's really hard to make connections with girls. Same for guys with low boredom thresholds. It's hard to click with most women because they're so shallow/banal.

 

[Jariel]

I totally agree. I've been on many dates and it's felt like hard work. Even if there's physical attraction, it's not such good fun if you're not clicking. Then other times you meet someone and everything just flows and you don't have to even try. This is a very big part of attraction for me.

Sometimes it's a purely physical connection. Lots of flirting, complimenting and checking each other out. Usually leads to explosive sex. Then other times it's more of a mental connection where we can just talk for hours, time flies past and you still have loads to talk about.

I've reached the point now where if I don't feel a connection with a woman early on, I just next her. Dating should be fun, and if it's not, it's just not worth it.

 

[Jariel]

On a side note, have you guys noticed how many camp, effeminate guys seem to do well with women? I used to wonder what they hell women saw in these guys, but after reading this post it's quite clear. These guys probably just click better with women on a mental level than the stronger masculine types.

 

[Yo'Mama]

I find it so hard to find women I click with though. There have been so many dates where I just didn't feel any connection with the woman. I turned to alcohol to get through those dates. This culminated in my most recent thread, 'Blacked Out on Date'.

I think from now on I'm not going to bother too much with women I don't really click with. It's just too much hard work. It's exhausting in fact.

 

[Rubato]

On a side note, have you guys noticed how many camp, effeminate guys seem to do well with women? I used to wonder what they hell women saw in these guys, but after reading this post it's quite clear. These guys probably just click better with women on a mental level than the stronger masculine types.

I disagree with this, at least insofar is that it will help you get the girl. I see those type of guys doing better making friends with women and getting invited to troll with them through the mall for social proof and free food... or to hang out with them for a night watching Sex and the City on a night where absolutely nothing sexual takes place. But I do not see them doing better sexually.

What you're saying is that weaker, more effeminate men may pull better than stronger, more masculine men because they're able to self identify better with women. That may give them some sort of lowest common denominator level of basic comfort established with the girl, but I really don't think it's going to do much to established any level of sexual connection. If anything, this was one of the biggest reasons why for most of my life I kept getting LJBF'd by girls. All of the metro, effeminate, and otherwise BETA guys who do this stuff that I know of rarely ever get with women.

I believe the problem is men not being strong and masculine enough! Granted, there will always be a population of women out there who is just not going to be attracted to masculinity for whatever reason, and these women are usually fat and androgynous blobs of sexual nothingness. This is the essence of the major prong that guys like Pook and Rollo wrote and write about. When Pook wrote "Be a Man", he wasn't advocating that we be cavemen... the dude was just making an acknowledgment that beautiful women tend to be especially feminine, and masculinity is the best way to attract the feminine sexually.

The problem is that society and all the modes of socialization us men have been exposed to as we grew up all aim to eradicate any sense of masculinity out of us. Think about the TV shows and cartoons you watched growing up. Just spend 30 minutes today reading through Rollo's blog if you've never done so before... the man makes an excellent case for this sort of thing.

My goal is not to make friends with anymore women. I personally don't think that there are very many out there who are good for being friends anyways and I have a solid group of friends already. What they can offer me is sex and in rare cases, a meaningful relationship. I can offer them value and masculinity, fun, excitement, humor, stability, ect. I really think that's what it comes down to... value ultimately, and masculinity is one of the most valuable pieces of currency in the sexual marketplace. No one is going to have enough of every type of currency in the marketplace, so know that going in... it wouldn't be a medium of exchange if there wasn't a value disparity. Just make sure that whatever you currency you end up with less of, it's something that isn't masculinity.

 

[bigneil]

If you find her interrupting you by trying to maintain the conversation it's a great sign. However, keep your mouth shut in that situation! The man should not be "talking a mile a minute". The woman should do 70% of the talking, and the 30% for the man is concentrated on asking about her and answering her direct questions only.

 

[Jariel]

I disagree with this, at least insofar is that it will help you get the girl. I see those type of guys doing better making friends with women and getting invited to troll with them through the mall for social proof and free food... or to hang out with them for a night watching Sex and the City on a night where absolutely nothing sexual takes place. But I do not see them doing better sexually.

Maybe it's different in the US, but in the UK these guys ARE getting laid and seem to be pulling some incredibly hot girls. Just a random flick through friend of friends on Facebook and I see these floppy haired, skinny geeks with girls that would excite even Hugh Hefner.

It makes no sense to me at all. In fact, as a muscular, masculine guy, it kind of annoys me.

As an example, look at Russell Brand. The guy is as camp as they come, speaks like he's had his balls removed, wears his hair like a birdsnest, hosts girls programs (i.e. Big Brother) and is a skinny and pathetic physical specimen, yet he's banged more hot women than most of the visitors to this forum combined. Plus he is/was married to Katie Perry! I know that fame gives celebrities an advantage, but until recent years he's only ever been a minor celebrity and unknown to many. And he is just typical of what many women in this area go for. Actually, many of the guys round here wear make up, have highlights and use straighteners on their hair.

 

[women haze]

What if there aren't any that click with you.....at all

I swear finding someone that you click with is like finding that sewing needle in a haystack.

 

[perseverance]

What if there aren't any that click with you.....at all

I swear finding someone that you click with is like finding that sewing needle in a haystack.

That's probably the way it's meant to be man, probably the way it's meant to be.

 

[MaddXMan]

I too look for the click - but have learned that it's not a green light to rush headfirst into things.

The game needs to be played regardless, no matter how effortless the conversation (or sex).

(edit - referring to if you want it to develop into a ltr)

 

[perseverance]

Maybe it's different in the US, but in the UK these guys ARE getting laid and seem to be pulling some incredibly hot girls. Just a random flick through friend of friends on Facebook and I see these floppy haired, skinny geeks with girls that would excite even Hugh Hefner.

It makes no sense to me at all. In fact, as a muscular, masculine guy, it kind of annoys me.

As an example, look at Russell Brand. The guy is as camp as they come, speaks like he's had his balls removed, wears his hair like a birdsnest, hosts girls programs (i.e. Big Brother) and is a skinny and pathetic physical specimen, yet he's banged more hot women than most of the visitors to this forum combined. Plus he is/was married to Katie Perry! I know that fame gives celebrities an advantage, but until recent years he's only ever been a minor celebrity and unknown to many. And he is just typical of what many women in this area go for. Actually, many of the guys round here wear make up, have highlights and use straighteners on their hair.

Russell Brand has confidence, charisma and is a successful stand up comedian, he makes people laugh. When you have these three things behind you're going to get female attention.

Russell Brand also typifies your "tall, dark and handsome" stereotype, even though he does resemble a hobo from Covent Garden.

 

[GameTime76]

When you and another girl "CLICK" the Interest is already there and your game is natural. You dont have to think of what to say, try to impress her or strategize. Her interest level is already High.

 

[Jariel]

Russell Brand has confidence, charisma and is a successful stand up comedian, he makes people laugh. When you have these three things behind you're going to get female attention.

I agree, he does have those qualities that draw women to him, but my point is that he is very camp and effeminate.

 

[Zerro]

Very true Mike.

And I think this is why very generic type guys do well with women. Because their personalities are straightforward and accessible they are bound to 'click' with a large number of women. It's the lowest common denominator thing. Just like very average music will sell the best because it appeals to the greatest number of people.

For guys who are a bit quirky, idiosyncratic, etc, it's really hard to make connections with girls. Same for guys with low boredom thresholds. It's hard to click with most women because they're so shallow/banal.

I have to agree with this assessment, both for myself and from observing other guys I know. The dudes who have the easiest time communicating with women (not necessarily getting with them though) are those who are just as boring and shallow as the women they are talking to.

I do find most women to be quite boring, looks alone can't hold my interest for long.

 

[Korrupt]

You can't click with everybody.

 

[Burroughs]

A major part of the problem is that for the first time in recorded history MEN are placed in the role of ENTERTAINING the female on ALL fronts.

Even a casual glance through history will show what an anomaly this is.

In feudal England men would show prowess but then women would have to show obedience.

The 'obedience' of women was key to men showing interest.

Today men must bear the full burden of courtship yet WOMEN ARE UNDER NO OBLIGATION TO MAINTAIN OBEDIENCE...let alone honor and dignity. We are in the age of the female cvm dumpster.

So men must eternally run the hamster wheel of women's mental and physical vacillations. And bear it all with a smile on his face.

 

[perseverance]

I agree, he does have those qualities that draw women to him, but my point is that he is very camp and effeminate.

True, you're not wrong, but a lot of women seem to like that these days, or at least that's what I'm noticing.

 

[Yo'Mama]

Digressing slightly it's annoying that as guys we are all about looks. Looks matter a great deal for me, I can't pretend they don't but I do wish it weren't so. I will make some great connections with girls that just aren't that hot. It's very very rare I'll meet a girl that I think is massively hot that I'll just effortlessly click with.

Two girls recently. One very hot and with an awful personality. But because she was hot I put effort in, asked her out, went on a date, then had to deal with her sitting there looking vaguely bored and making no effort to participate in the conversation and expecting me to entertain her.

Second girl. Just sensationally cool. She cracks me up, is intelligent, kind and interested in many of the same things as me. But not hot.

I haven't even bothered asking the second girl out and nor do I intend to. I'm not suggesting this state of affairs needs changing, it's just kind of a shame. Of course the key is to meet a smoking hot girl who also has a great personality. But let's be honest, how many of those are there around?!!

 

[Mike32ct]

Thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

I just like a connection because, as mentioned, without a connection it is very tiring trying to game her. I'm literally forcing myself to converse so I can get to a point where I can try to pull. I end up running marginal to sh@tty game in those instances. That type of girl is not good company. I just want to b@ng her, then go to sleep lol.

I'm not even talking about hot and cool. Even just DOABLE and cool is a rare find.