Confusing Situation for Me - Looking for help

[Hellomisslady]

Hello all!

So here it is... my relationship with my current girlfriend has taken a dive downhill... We have been going out since May 2011, and went to different colleges last year and tried to get the long distance to work. Well, it worked ok, I visited a lot, but we had our first big argument in December leading to us nearly breaking up. After that we lasted a few months without too many issues until about March when we had another big argument leading to another near break up.

Fast forward to when I came home from school at the end of April... we were not on the same page at all and nearly every day we had an argument about something, it lead to us actually breaking up for a few days about two weeks ago, and she convinced me to give it another shot.. so we're sort of together still, but we have still been getting into arguments very frequently about stupid things and it's clear she doesn't really trust me or believe I tell the truth a lot of the time (which has to do with her past history with men).

I don't feel like I did before about her... it's been too much stress and drama on me to really want it to continue and truly be able to say I feel like I did before. She says she loves me more than anything in the world and I still say it back... but I don't really think it's there.

I think that it would be better for me to break up with her... but I'm really worried about how she will cope if I do. Her parents are not supportive or really friendly for that matter in any way, and most of her friends are not great friends. Her parents already don't like me, saying that "I'm not allowed to spend the night at her house anymore unless we're engaged because I make her cry all the time." (They're literally crazy) I know that I shouldn't let the fact that I'll feel guilty or bad stand in the way of what I think I need to do, but I can't help it because I actually do care about her wellbeing, even if I don't think we really belong together anymore. She says if I give up on her, she doesn't know who else can help her get through life, and I'd be the one that got away.. things like that. I feel like it's unfair of her to put that on me... but I still feel bad.

Anyways, I just don't know when or how to do it... we are supposed to go to a concert this Friday night as her one year anniversary gift to me, and I don't know if I should or even can do it before then.

In relation to our relationship going downhill so much... I've started noticing other women more, specifically one that I work with, which could be problematic. I mentioned her to my boss the other day and later we ended up talking about another coach (I am a coach) who was 26 and dated an 18 year old athlete and they "politely asked him to leave"... that is something that I really hope does not happen because I love that job, but I don't completely know how to handle that situation. I know that if anything did come of it though that I would just be a man and be upfront about it with my boss and promise it won't affect either of our performance and it won't show when we're there together...

Anyways, please let me know your opinions on all of this, I'm just very confused and stressed right now about what to do. I'll appreciate any help

Thanks!

TL;DR: Relationship going downhill with girlfriend of one year, interested in another that I work with, very confused

 

[Colossus]

It's hard to give you advice when we dont really know the specifics of your situation.

It sounds like she is dragging you down, but you are holding on to the good times and going through the usual pre-breakup uncertainty.

If you give us some more details as to why things have gone downhill, maybe we can help. Just taking your post at face value I would say it seems you have outgrown her.

 

[sodbuster]

CRAZY parents? sh1t flows downhill..... she may think you have a normal relationship[like her parents].

As far as the other one..."don't sh1t where you eat"

 

[AAAgent]

After a crazy drama filled relationship myself, i've learned that my judgement was always right but my ex always swayed me with her words. How she couldn't live without me, how there is no one else like me, etc. Those are probably the same words that 1,000,000,000,000,000 women in the history of humankind have said. I'm pretty sure that the majority of those women survived, otherwise we wouldn't be here today.

trust you gut.

If you really care for her well being and your own, don't baby her emotions. Stringing her along thinking it will make you dropping her smoother is definitely a lie because in the end, if you do drop her, the results are the same. better to do it earlier and let her recover earlier than vice versa.

As for the co-worker, don't do it. If you do do it, don't tell anyone. Most likely because you will get fired if you get caught just for the sake of dating a co-worker.

 

[Hellomisslady]

Just to clarify with the second part - she isn't my coworker. I'm an assistant coach at a big club team, she's an athlete, and there's a 2 year age difference. I also still compete with this club team... I am aware of the dangers of team-cest.

Also the main reason really that our relationship has gone downhill is because of major lack of communication (more that she represses things and tries to bury them and then it explodes later), and that her history with many past men has led her to believe basically that all men are not worthy of trust and lie all the time and will do anything to get laid

Thanks for the helpful advice so far!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Sounds like she is double d!ck clutching.

 

[Hellomisslady]

I know she isn't cheating but thanks

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

She is going to a different college.I have not an ounce of faith in long distant relationships. Especially for college chicks. I've been in college for four years. I've seen a lot of things. But anyway you don't think it is strange that you guys started arguing all the time just out of the blue? She says that she doesn't trust you, You do know cheaters in the relationship are the ones who put unnecessary blame on the other partner in the relationship? It's a guilt thing.

But anyway you want to break up with her. Really there is no easy way to do it. If I were you I'd just call her up and say that it's too much stress on you and you rather not deal with her or her nonsense again. This girl is broken anyway. she has trust issues. Go ahead and get you a girl without all that bullsh!t.

 

[NSUballer]

Sounds like a carbon copy of my recent past relationship. Weirdo parents and all.

I screwed up though and let her back in.. She slammed the door on me and then I burned the bridge ..

Just do it man. dont make the same mistake I did and still hit it thinking everything is good as long as your gettin it from her. Learned a tough lesson with this one.

 

[Hellomisslady]

I'm starting to feel like break ups are a selfish thing... that it really doesn't matter about the other person if you aren't happy in the relationship?

This is really my first real relationship, I'm new to these aspects. Thank you all so far though for the advice, it has been helpful. Any more advice would also be appreciated, like how or when to do it... as I said I'm new to this

 

[Hellomisslady]

So... we broke up tonight. I broke up with her and she went into a panic attack and began hyper ventilating and was inconsolable... She was saying things like it's the biggest mistake I'll ever make, I'll regret it so much, she feels so sorry for me, I threw everything away, she'll never stop loving me... etc. Pretty much the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I think it was the right decision and in the end we'll both be better because of it... but it doesn't make it any less hard and doesn't keep me from worrying about her because of her home life. I guess I'm just sort of rambling now but any consolation would be nice.

Thanks all for your help, you've been great in my time of need

 

[Greasy Pig]

If it didn't feel right, you should trust your gut as others have said. It's hard but often, the hardest thing to do is the right thing.

You could've kept stringing her along and just made things worse for you both.

By the way, how old are you?

 

[Desdinova]

If the house is burning to the ground, sometimes it's best to realize that it's not worth saving and you need to start over fresh. The same goes for relationships.

 

[Hellomisslady]

I'm actually only 19 and she's 20, but I felt like I would get the best response in this forum. And I'm glad I'm at least not stringing her along now since I know I wasn't acting the same as I had before at our best, I know she didn't deserve to be treated like that without knowing why

 

[Pimp-sicle]

girls are like cars or jobs don't get rid of the old one till you've found a new one..

That's a needy, female mentality.

A real man doesn't NEED a woman in his life to be happy. If he does, he will always end up in shiatty situations like this one.

Biggest power you have as a man, (a real man) is the power to WALK AWAY, which in essence says: "I respect myself too much to put up with this bs."

Plus you've obviously lost total interest in her and you're just waiting for the next big fight to convince you she's more trouble than she's worth

He's a White Knight.... don't be that guy.


You didn't cause her problems, its not your fault she doesn't trust a fly or a ham sandwich.

No matter what, she will be sad/pissed/deranged etc when you drop the bomb. There's no "nice way" that the person getting broken up with will take the news.

Leave this leach and move on to better chicks.







PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

So... we broke up tonight. I broke up with her and she went into a panic attack and began hyper ventilating and was inconsolable... She was saying things like it's the biggest mistake I'll ever make, I'll regret it so much, she feels so sorry for me, I threw everything away, she'll never stop loving me... etc. Pretty much the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I think it was the right decision and in the end we'll both be better because of it... but it doesn't make it any less hard and doesn't keep me from worrying about her because of her home life. I guess I'm just sort of rambling now but any consolation would be nice.

Thanks all for your help, you've been great in my time of need

You will learn as you get more experience in this game that the most important thing is to always:

LOOK AT FOR YOURSELF #1


If you do that, you will never make the wrong decision.


Where most guys run into trouble, is they let their emotions cloud their judgment and then ignore that little voice in the back of their head that is SCREAMMMMMING at them.


Now that you broke up with her, don't continue talking with her, giving her advice etc; that will keep you STUCK in the relationship.

And believe me she will continue calling/texting/etc if she hasn't started already.

You need to spend time away, go have fun, meet new girls and you will realize how much better off you truly are now.






PIMP