Confusing girl

[TomN]

So I went on a date to the movies with this girl I've been seeing a bit. She's spent the night here a couple times and we've fooled around a little, but we've never gone all the way, I've been kind of taking it slow with her as I'd consider her LTR material. Anyway, at the movie she was showing all kinds of signs, lying against me during the movie, grabbing onto during scary parts, etc. Then we went to a bar to listen to music and a few of our mutual friends were there. She was still receptive to my kino and sat close to me a bit, but eventually she went over and sat by one of my friends. This kid has a motorcycle, and she's been riding with a couple of her friends lately, and has been telling me how much fun she's been having riding. She was also telling me earlier that she considered this friend of mine to be like a brother and all without my asking. We all decided to go back to my apartment to postgame and she said she wanted to ride with him, which of course I said I was cool and didn't make a big deal about. The weird part was when I asked if she wanted to stay here tonight she said she was just going to get a ride back with my friend to her dorm because she has class and wants to get sleep. I don't know, I just found it weird how she went from being so flirtatious and open to my advancements to being driven back to her dorm by my friend. What does everyone else think, I'm seriously confused as hell. Maybe I'm just reading WAY too much into things, opr maybe I'm just a bit drunk and frustrated, who knows.

 

[JonJack]

You are reading way too much into it. However, what she did isn't exactly a positive sign either. But then it ain't a super negative "I don't want to have anything to do with you" sign either. I understand how it can be so confusing when she gives you attention and physical contact and then all of a sudden she like doesn't want to be with you anymore. Probably she only sees you as a good friend but it still ain't for sure. It would be best if your interest were made clear. Maybe that's what you should do.

Sometimes a girl would go on dates with you with the idea that they might be interested in you too. Along the way, they realize that they aren't that into you after all. They would still hang with you but they'll just look at you as some other guy friend.

 

[TomN]

Well, I really don't know what I could do to make it clear. I know she considers this kid a good friend from what she said to me about him and his roommate, she has told me she considers both to be like brothers to her, and she considers them very good friends. THey take her out riding a lot. We fooled around a little last week a few times and she ended up sleeping here twice last week (massages, making out, feeling her up), she was even snuggling and holding on to me all night long. It definately wasn't the way girls who I'm just friends with act in bed. Should I try to ask her where she sees our relationship going, I really don't want to do that, I just think that'd make things kind of weird. I really don't know, she kept thanking me for taking her our tonight too. Maybe she really did just want to go home, she did look/say she was pretty damn tried. Or maybe this is some wierd ass test girls do, who knows.

 

[JonJack]

Huh? You're making out with her and feeling her up and you're wondering what the hell is going on with her when she takes a ride back from a so called friend? Seriously I feel you don't have anything to worry about. Although if you think you want this girl for a serious LTR, you should probably let her know your intentions. Cause I suppose she could always be intimate with you just for fun. Kinda like a fling.

I believe this is an issue of your expectations not meshing with what the girl is doing. You start questioning her intentions then. But if you do not allow her to understand where you're coming from, she will always treat you the way she wants to treat you. If you would like her to treat you in a specific way, then you've got to let her know about it so that you could know for sure whether she sees the relationship the same way as you do. If she doesn't, then you treat the relationship as it is or you look for some other girl who would give you what you want.

Whatever it is though, just go at it for fun first. Don't start thinking about commitment so early in the whole process. Getting intimate is already progress. If you want to go any farther than that, she's got to feel the same way. And usually, girls are the one that brings up the topic of commitment and being really serious.

 

[TomN]

Yeah, but nothing happened last night, didn't even get the chance to kiss her, but I suppose everything is good. I would like to see where she thinks the relationship is going, but I guess I'll let her bring up the topic. Any suggestions as to how I could bring that topic up somehow?

 

[Aaron B]

Why haven't you had sex with her yet?

Maybe this other guy is willing to satisfy her instead of just cuddling.

 

[TomN]

Trying to take it slow I guess. I don't have a good reason why, I'd rather things flow naturally than try to push her into it. Like I said, I'd like to get a relationship with her, and I've only been going out with her two weeks now. Plus I really don't think she's the type that would take that step so soon.

 

[Aaron B]

Originally posted by TomN
I would like to see where she thinks the relationship is going, but I guess I'll let her bring up the topic. Any suggestions as to how I could bring that topic up somehow?

Why would you?

 

[Aaron B]

Originally posted by TomN
Trying to take it slow I guess. I don't have a good reason why, I'd rather things flow naturally than try to push her into it. Like I said, I'd like to get a relationship with her, and I've only been going out with her two weeks now. Plus I really don't think she's the type that would take that step so soon.

Bull****, they will all take that step "too soon." The only question is if she will do that WITH YOU.

I was trying to get this girl recently who made me think she wouldn't have sex outside a committed relationship, which I didn't want. I actually believed this. A few months later my friend took her home from a bar and nailed her her in his car.

You are limiting yourself. She is getting in your bed, so I doubt she would be shocked and upset if you tried to stick it in her.

Additionally, this relationship you want to have with her is going to include sex, correct? So why wait?

Also think about what message she is getting from a guy who makes out with her (in his bed no less) but never tries to have sex.

 

[Nighthawk]

She's trying to make you jealous. F*ck her already.

 

[TomN]

Yeah, I'm going to try to push her toward it more next time I'm with her, I'll go as far as she lets me. I don't know, generally I wait a bit on sex if I consider a girl to be LTR material, the first time is better when you know each other more. Everytime I've rushed into sex it's always been more of a fling, we end up having sex for a month or so and start to drift apart, it never turns into a LTR, which I'm honestly looking for now. My last relationship of 1 and half years took 3 months before we had sex. This girl has told me she's looking for a long term relationship, I just wish I knew exactly where I stood with her, where she thinks this is going, etc.