Confused

[SHChamp]

!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Right now, you're reading too much into it. Just call her later on and see what's up first before coming to any drastic conclusions. When you call her, though, get straight to the point - i.e. "Yeah, so I'm actually about to do (make something up) so I don't have much time to talk, but I wanted to see if you were free on (insert day) to do (insert activity)."

FYI: It's the holidays, so planning dates for this weekend in particular is not really a good idea since most people will be traveling out of town or spending time with family. Personally, I would have waited until after New Year's to ask her out once things have died down.

 

[SHChamp]

I was considering to move the date until after New Year's, but I had a feeling it would make her lose interest if I waited too long. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to plan something this weekend.

So, if I just waited it out until after New Year's, should I still call her and just keep the conversation casual until then or build some rapport?

I usually tend to not care, because I have a few other plates spinning which I still see. But, this girl is an hb8 in my point of view and for some reason I felt somewhat nervous talking to her and that's what's messing up my game.

 

[Purefilth]

Sadly most girls nowadays communicate ONLY BY TEXT. Phonecalls are reserved for parents and a long chat with the girlie friends.

I would guess that an actual phone call from a boy completely threw her off, and she didnt know what to say/ talk about. - hence the nervousness.
(other option is she was with another guy but i doubt she would have answered the phone at all if she had been)

I would try to set up a meet before New Years - but dont be surprised if she's busy.

 

[SHChamp]

I texted her yesterday evening, but she didn't respond. So, I am not going to go after her. It's a little weird, but they're not all meant to be.

Anyhow, I am going to focus on other girls instead, if she comes around by then, fine, if not, then so be it. Anyone agree?

 

[Atom Smasher]

About 3 days after (today), I called her and the conversation went a little like this;

She sounded really awkward during this entire conversation..

Her; Hello
Me; Hi. Is this ****?
Her; Yeah, that's me.
Me; Alright. Guess who?
Her; Hmm.. I don't know.
Me; I'll give you a hint. Birthday party.
Her; Oh, but there have been a lot!
Me; Well, another hint then.. Facebook.. Or do you usually give out your number to random guys on FB? (Said this in a C+F attitude)
Her; *she laughed* No, no, I didn't think you would call.
Me; Ahh, I said I would. So, how you been?
Her; Good, good.
(2 second silence)
Me; What have you been up to lately?
Her; Well, I actually can't talk right now.. You called at an inconvenient time..
Me; I see. That's no problem. I'll call you tonight then.
Her; Ah, yeah, or I'll text you.
Me; Alright, bye.
Her; Bye bye.

So, I am trying to figure out if 1) I ****ed up 2) She's not interested 3) She was actually really busy and couldn't talk at the time 4) Why she sounded nervous and wanted to text and not talk on the phone?

Your opinions help a lot! Just give me the hard and honest truth and what you think, thanks.

I disagree with these guys, which is rare because most of the time I'm tracking right with them. I think your conversation was seriously awkward.

You NEVER shoud start a conversation with asking a person to guess who it is. They are not prepared to play this game and it requires them to do a huge mental gear-shift. Who the f wants to answer the phone and start playing guessing games? Most would find that seriously annoying.

Plus it makes you look weak, like a girl. Would James Bond say, "Guess who?"

To all men: Don't be air... be a rock or a dense element like metal. Have substance.

"It's Atom Smasher. I enjoyed our FB conversation the other day. Actually I enjoy a nice give & take with witty women. Listen, I'm going to such-and-such this Saturday. Why don't you come out and join me?"

This shows that you're a busy man, have things to do, and that you are a leader. It conveys a solid character. Notice that in the above scenario, that paragon of virtue, Atom Smasher, is taking complete control and responsibility for the conversation, because he knows that women need to be led.

Also, "So, how you been" was the nail in the coffin. It's understandable, though, as I myself can slip up like that. It's too common, too much of an "I don't know what to say" placeholder.

Always call a women with an agenda, never just to chat. Maintain complete control of and responsibility for the conversation.

Today's woman feels seriously put on the spot when talking on the phone. They like the irresponsibility of being detached in their conversations via text. That's why on the phone you want to almost hypnotize her with your dominant frame. You're taking care of business, making your plans, and offering her a chance to hang out with the KING. If she declines, it's no skin off your nose and you're on to more promising prospects. The worst thing a guy can do is walk around wondering if a girl likes him or not. That is a spirit destroyer, but it is what girls LOVE to do. Take care of business. You have no time to waste "wondering". If she likes you, she WILL fall under your spell of leadership.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Well, we do agree that we're generally talking to retards as these entitled *****es are...

I look at it this way... These girls have opportunities galore. Men are expendable to them. Given that fact, who wants to be surprised by a phone call with some guy on the other end forcing her into a game of "guess who"? It requires too much of a mental shift from whatever she was doing. That's the kind of sudden, out of nowhere playfulness that girls don't like. It's too abrupt and there is too much of a risk that the girl won't be in the mood to play. If she just spilled something, just had a bad conversation, a bad anything, it will be a major annoyance to her.

My only point is that it is wise to gauge the climate before pulling the trigger, especially on C&F, which is grossly overused in the community.

It all bottom-lines down to delivery, as we know. I can pull things off that would leave other guys' jaws dropping, and vice-versa. It could be that the OP pulled it off in a properly nuanced way. I'm just raising some caution about how these things can backfire on you if you sound incongruent in her perception. If there is a hint of inconguence, out you go.

 

[VladPatton]

I think AtomSmasher is not wrong at all, and has valid points, but I think this chick got stunned at the mere call, plain and simple. All these girls like doing is Ƒucking texting all day and night. When a guy they barely know calls them, they have squat to say. Not that this doesn't demonstrate a boring character trait, because it does. This chic seems to be sharp as an egg.

If a woman is a little more versed socially, you can talk to her about anything and work in a time and place for a date with great ease. Problem is, a lot of these younger girls have really crap social skills due to Facebook and texting. They are lost if they cannot have a device to talk through.

Either way, it's a great filter in finding out what she's all about. You did nothing horrendous.

 

[SHChamp]

First, I'd like to thank you guys for taking the time to show me your thoughts.
Personally, I think you are all right in a sense. It could have been that my C+F attitude came at the wrong time, but at the same time I didn't want the conversation to get into her pace. I actually enjoy having a C+F attitude, because that's how I am and I want a girl to be able to have fun like that as well.

She's not a girl I am about to change my behavior to, or any other girl for that matter (I have learned this from my MANY past mistakes and my BPD ex). Like I said, I have a few other plates spinning and it's going really good with them.

I also agree with what Vlad said. Girls these days just text all day and night, like zero social skills. After thinking about it carefully, when I spoke to her at the party, she wasn't really all that great and spontaneous.

The reason I thought she might be worth trying out, is because our FB conversation went really good. She was funny, spontaneous, flirtatious and seemed really into me. Perhaps she still is, but I am not into any girl who can only act like that through a medium like texting or FB.

Again, I appreciate all the comments you guys drop on here, I love hard honest truth. Your comments made me clear out the confusion I had, thanks!

 

[SHChamp]

SHChamp, just be careful with the c + f routine.. you don't want to overdue it. It's like charm: just a little bit goes a long way, and in fact the less you do it, the more effective it is.

You want to make fun of them in a playful way, but girls are notorious for taking things the wrong way and for being easily offended, so just try not to do it too much.

I'll definitely keep that in mind and try to work on it, thanks!

 

[vatoloco]

She tried to sell herself during the conversation constantly, so I told her I'd give her a chance to prove it. I told her to give me her number and I would call her to see if 'she got what it takes'. So, she gave me her number, spoke a little bit about random funny stuff afterwards and that was it.

Next time, close (ask her out).

When a woman is interested AND she gives you the number, it's because she wants to be asked out. If you don't, she could think 1) you're gay, 2) you're a pussy, 3) you have no social skills and/or 4) that you don't like her.

None of them good for your cause.

 

[SHChamp]

It's all good now.

 

[alpha_ash]

It's all good now.

Tell us what you did/happened to make it all good. It's pretty selfish to come here asking for advice and then deleting your story once it's been resolved. There's a reason these threads are archived. In fact I'm going to quote your initial topic so it doesn't get deleted.

About 3 days after (today), I called her and the conversation went a little like this;

She sounded really awkward during this entire conversation..

Her; Hello
Me; Hi. Is this ****?
Her; Yeah, that's me.
Me; Alright. Guess who?
Her; Hmm.. I don't know.
Me; I'll give you a hint. Birthday party.
Her; Oh, but there have been a lot!
Me; Well, another hint then.. Facebook.. Or do you usually give out your number to random guys on FB? (Said this in a C+F attitude)
Her; *she laughed* No, no, I didn't think you would call.
Me; Ahh, I said I would. So, how you been?
Her; Good, good.
(2 second silence)
Me; What have you been up to lately?
Her; Well, I actually can't talk right now.. You called at an inconvenient time..
Me; I see. That's no problem. I'll call you tonight then.
Her; Ah, yeah, or I'll text you.
Me; Alright, bye.
Her; Bye bye.

So, I am trying to figure out if 1) I ****ed up 2) She's not interested 3) She was actually really busy and couldn't talk at the time 4) Why she sounded nervous and wanted to text and not talk on the phone?

Your opinions help a lot! Just give me the hard and honest truth and what you think, thanks.