LaDanian Tomlinson
Don Juan
So here I am, 22 years old, questioning what the hell life is all about. I am a really good looking white male that works out and goes to sdsu living in san diego and yet I struggle mightly with women. I have had sex with 8 women and every time it has kinda been forced or alcohol induced. I was made fun of in middle school and I was a loner in high school which gave me some social anxiety. Even to this day, when I meet people it takes a few minutes for me to warm up to them so I can talk to them because subconciously I have to make sure they aren't going to be a bully. It was not until I moved before my senior year, that I really decided to change myself. I started reading lots of material from sosuave and other places. I started working out and dressing nicer. I was a good kid that had a job and didn't drink or do drugs. But I was still quiet and shy, although I had a good sense of humor. My problem was and still is that I am not fun and social enough being sober to get girls. It was hard seeing guys with beautiful women as a senior in high school when I hadn't even made out with a single girl. I really felt helpless as every time I would attempt for a girl it wouldn't work out, but at least I wasn't afraid of rejection.
I learned that girls don't like nice guys and that they wanted the bad boy or the alpha male. So after my parents teaching me my whole life to be a good person, I thought I had to change my ways and become a douche. After high school I started hanging with the wrong crowd, the guys who were popular in hs, some of them football players, who I thought were my friends. I noticed they drank a lot and smoked weed. They would tell stories of how they ****ed some hot ass 16 year old at a party and I would just sit there in awe. I envied how they could get drunk and **** some hot slut. I felt that "just being my self" wasn't good enough. So I tried to be like them, drinking and smoking away, but at the same time I was kind of a joke to them because I didn't fit in that well. I was too good of a kid to be with that crowd. They would make fun of me in front of girls which made those girls not want me. So my insecurities continued as did my drinking and smoking.
I got a DUI later that year, went through some depressing times without a license, and continued getting drunk and trying to get lucky with a girl. My gameplan didn't work well as I would only get a few alright sluts here and there. Any girl that wanted a relationship, I would treat like **** and drag it out to be my **** buddy. Every time I would get burned, as two of those girls hooked up with my friends while I was still talking to them. I kept saying to myself, once I get to college it's all going to change and I'm going to be getting lots of women.
So at the age of 22, I transferred to San Diego State, and moved into a party house. We drank a lot and smoked a lot. I went to a lot of parties, was around lots of women, and yet it was the same old sad story. My friends would get the girls and I wouldn't. I did meet a cute girl who I was ****ing for a while but i told her I didn't want a relationship so I dragged it out so I could **** her as much as possible. But like every other "relationship" i have had, she backstabbed me by ****ing my "friend" after they saw each other at a bar. So after a six thousand dollar semester, my track record at sdsu is one hb7 who stabbed me in the back and caused a lot of grief for me.
I am an ultra competitive person which may be a problem because I always compare myself to my friends and their track records. My main thing is I don't want to be 50 years old and look back and say "darn, I wish I manned up more when i was younger so i could have had some pretty girls." I already have a lot of regret in my life relating to girls and this semester was kind of a letdown for me because I am not getting any younger. I have stopped smoking and that should help, but I have been sober recently for long periods of time and I would still have the same troubles with girls.
I have realized that chasing girls IS the root for most of my problems. However, I do not want to be satisfied with what I have gotten so far. I feel helpless and unlucky and that I am having a quarter-life crisis. Everything my parents teach me is not what girls want to hook up with. I may be just "relationship material" and I may not have enough game and social skills to get the hotties at a party. I know what I need to improve: my conversational skills in groups and in general, being fun sober, eliminating anxiety in sober group situations, coming up with new topics instead of commenting on what is being talked about and not being quiet. However, I have known this for a while and I feel like I can't do anything about it.
I know this is a lot to take in, I just had to vent. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks
I learned that girls don't like nice guys and that they wanted the bad boy or the alpha male. So after my parents teaching me my whole life to be a good person, I thought I had to change my ways and become a douche. After high school I started hanging with the wrong crowd, the guys who were popular in hs, some of them football players, who I thought were my friends. I noticed they drank a lot and smoked weed. They would tell stories of how they ****ed some hot ass 16 year old at a party and I would just sit there in awe. I envied how they could get drunk and **** some hot slut. I felt that "just being my self" wasn't good enough. So I tried to be like them, drinking and smoking away, but at the same time I was kind of a joke to them because I didn't fit in that well. I was too good of a kid to be with that crowd. They would make fun of me in front of girls which made those girls not want me. So my insecurities continued as did my drinking and smoking.
I got a DUI later that year, went through some depressing times without a license, and continued getting drunk and trying to get lucky with a girl. My gameplan didn't work well as I would only get a few alright sluts here and there. Any girl that wanted a relationship, I would treat like **** and drag it out to be my **** buddy. Every time I would get burned, as two of those girls hooked up with my friends while I was still talking to them. I kept saying to myself, once I get to college it's all going to change and I'm going to be getting lots of women.
So at the age of 22, I transferred to San Diego State, and moved into a party house. We drank a lot and smoked a lot. I went to a lot of parties, was around lots of women, and yet it was the same old sad story. My friends would get the girls and I wouldn't. I did meet a cute girl who I was ****ing for a while but i told her I didn't want a relationship so I dragged it out so I could **** her as much as possible. But like every other "relationship" i have had, she backstabbed me by ****ing my "friend" after they saw each other at a bar. So after a six thousand dollar semester, my track record at sdsu is one hb7 who stabbed me in the back and caused a lot of grief for me.
I am an ultra competitive person which may be a problem because I always compare myself to my friends and their track records. My main thing is I don't want to be 50 years old and look back and say "darn, I wish I manned up more when i was younger so i could have had some pretty girls." I already have a lot of regret in my life relating to girls and this semester was kind of a letdown for me because I am not getting any younger. I have stopped smoking and that should help, but I have been sober recently for long periods of time and I would still have the same troubles with girls.
I have realized that chasing girls IS the root for most of my problems. However, I do not want to be satisfied with what I have gotten so far. I feel helpless and unlucky and that I am having a quarter-life crisis. Everything my parents teach me is not what girls want to hook up with. I may be just "relationship material" and I may not have enough game and social skills to get the hotties at a party. I know what I need to improve: my conversational skills in groups and in general, being fun sober, eliminating anxiety in sober group situations, coming up with new topics instead of commenting on what is being talked about and not being quiet. However, I have known this for a while and I feel like I can't do anything about it.
I know this is a lot to take in, I just had to vent. Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks
