Confused - Help required!

[makeitwork]

Hi All

Just joined - first post!
I just met a girl, we've talked for hours and hours on the phone and had a great 1st date. We have a lot in common, find each other attractive etc etc. We arranged a 2nd date but a day before she texted saying she didn't think it would work as we live quite far apart and as she felt differently and didn't feel the 'spark'.

We spoke on phone and got on again and she said she thought she was a bit hasty and still wanted a 2nd date if I did. So we went on 2nd date, again got on great, held hands on way back to cars and had a little kiss goodnight, saying we'd arrange another meet. She text me thanking me for a good night and I text back saying i was free in couple of days is she wanted to do something. Since then silence which is odd as she usually gets back pretty quickly.

So, is this her telling me it's not now going to 3rd date? Do I re-initiate in case she didn't get my text? She said she would also talk if it wasn't going anywhere and I don't think she's a game player. I would move on but I think she's real and ticks alot of my boxes, so I feel she may be unsure but if we met again it could lead somewhere as she got to know me.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts.

 

[makeitwork]

Thanks Mauser96. Thing is she does know I'm in demand and experienced I think she is undecided. Also she is cute, intelligent, kind, professional etc - ticks lots of boxes, so I don't want to lose her if it's just a matter of little nudge so converting her to me!! But, I think you are right, I've done all I can, I'll just sit back now.

 

[Renegade357]

You're letting her call all the shots. That's why you're confused.

 

[Renegade357]

I think she is undecided.

You don't know about the other 5 guys that are hustling her.

 

[makeitwork]

Ha Renegade357! So you agree, just sit back and wait?

 

[Iceberg]

Hi All

Just joined - first post!
I just met a girl, we've talked for hours and hours on the phone and had a great 1st date.

You shouldn't talk on the phone for hours and hours with a girl you're trying to attract. That builds comfort, not attraction. And nothing kills attraction faster than "comfort".

We arranged a 2nd date but a day before she texted saying she didn't think it would work as we live quite far apart and as she felt differently and didn't feel the 'spark'.

We spoke on phone and got on again and she said she thought she was a bit hasty and still wanted a 2nd date if I did.

She went to her friends and said that she went on a date with a really nice guy, but there was no spark. The friends said, "You're too picky. Give him another shot." So she did. Then she truly realized that there was no spark.

Or she's just the typical flaky woman who 2nd guesses herself.

So, is this her telling me it's not now going to 3rd date? Do I re-initiate in case she didn't get my text? She said she would also talk if it wasn't going anywhere and I don't think she's a game player.

They're all game players. Well, actually she's not playing a game. Her silence is telling you what she thinks. And that is "I'm not that interested in you."

I would move on but I think she's real and ticks alot of my boxes, so I feel she may be unsure but if we met again it could lead somewhere as she got to know me.

She's not ticking the most important box - being attracted to you

I think she is undecided. Also she is cute, intelligent, kind, professional etc - ticks lots of boxes, so I don't want to lose her if it's just a matter of little nudge so converting her to me!! But, I think you are right, I've done all I can, I'll just sit back now

From the way you sound right now, you're coming off as a bit needy. Like you've been on 2 dates with this girl...she barely wanted to even go on the 2nd date....and you're still clinging to the idea of "converting her" to you.

The girls who liked me never needed converting. They liked me from the start. The girls who didn't like me, or were "undecided" were lost causes from the beginning.

You need to get out there and find some options. There's no reason to be chasing this girl as if she played some meaningful role in your life. You talked on the phone for hours, held hands, and kissed (probably in a non sexual way)....you can easily replace all of this.

 

[flashpoint]

Iceberg is 1000% right. and this

You need to get out there and find some options.

should answer your question whether to sit back and wait. but maybe read the DJ Bible first, since

had a great 1st date. We have a lot in common, find each other attractive etc etc.

tells me you are quite ignorant to how these things work. it is not so surprising she didnt feel the spark and you might wanna look into that how to ignite sparks on dates and beyond.

 

[seethehoop]

You can't force a woman to be attracted to you. You may think the more you try the easier it will be to turn her around but it doesn't work like that, women are emotion driven not logical like you or I. You need to learn to flip her emotional triggers but for now leave her be, move on, get another date with a better girl. If she then wonders why you didn't chase her she may contact you but if not then you won't care cos you are working on the next set of women.

 

[Renegade357]

Ha Renegade357!

Sorry bro, I've been in your shoes before. It's all about positioning and right now you have the low ground. I think you've already lost this one. I know two things. Clearly she's wishy washy about you because you haven't been doing the right things and I'd put money on the fact that there is another guy in the picture. Still you can learn from this and I'll even encourage you to go out with a fight.

So you agree, just sit back and wait?

Wait for what? A beating? Silence? You're supposed to be the hunter here. If I was you I'd wait a few days then call her like a man and ask her out straight up. Come up with a light and fun date idea. Nothing expensive but definitely something creative. If you get her voicemail(almost certainly you will) tell her you hope she's doing well and you want to see if you can get her out on tuesday,wednesday,thursday,whatever. "Call me back if you're interested." Give her two-three days notice.

Here's the best part. If she doesn't call you back she's out. If she says no and doesn't counter offer she's out. You're bottom lining her interest level and walking. Never waste time with a woman who doesn't like you.

Also no more talking for hours or lame texting with girls you just started dating. Leave that to the PUA playa playas who think they can convince someone to like them with words. Don't play that game. Keep the contact limited between dates. If they can't see you they can't lower their interest in you.

Anyway, report back and good luck.

 

[VladPatton]

Agree with Renegade357. You cannot 'make' them attract you, and usually if they're not gung-ho to go out with you their attraction level is not as high as it should be.

Sucks, man, but we've all been there, and WILL be there. It's a lesson on how to move on.

Good luck and keep us posted.