Confused Ex-Girlfriend Advice appreciated

[SilentAlarm]

Long story. 2 1/2 yrs ago I met this girl called Kate. I was living in a dorm at the time, my final year, and she was the g/f of a friend of mine (Luke, 18yrs old back then) who I had just met that year that had moved in a few doors down from me. She was 16 at the time and I was 22, we got along really well and the 3 of us would spend a lot of time as a tight-knit group, despite the age gap. Over the course of the year, he proceeded to cheat on her with perhaps 15 one night stands and a few constant friends with benefits. A year after I had met them both, she found out he was cheating on her and came running to me as a shoulder to cry on.

We ended up dating for about 7 months, I broke up with her and proceeded to move on, began dating other girls, etc. She did the same, I ceased contact despite the fact that she was one of my best friends. 3 months later, we became friends again, talking and hanging out like previously but with no intimate contact whatsoever, as she had a boyfriend. I was fine with this as I cared for her friendship more than anything else, despite the constant sexual tension between us.

For the last 2 months Kate now tells me that she thinks I am the one she wants to be with, that she wants to break up with her boyfriend and get back together with me, is still in love with me, etc. Obviously hearing this has brought back past emotions for me as I have always been fond of her; she is one of my best friends. Yet she is still with him.

How do I best approach this situation? My aims is to have her end her relationship and begin dating her again, I would like to give it another shot.

I know most of you will cringe when reading this and tell me to find another girl. I have dated other girls since but I see this as a challenge and would really like to push through with achieving my goal. Do understand that I was the one that ended the relationship.

 

[horaholic]

Why did you end the relationship in the first place?

 

[SilentAlarm]

Well I was in my final year at university and just had too many other commitments to be able to balance a relationship simeltaneously. I really want to be with her now, though.

I know she still has feelings for me. I think that if she wanted to end her relationship with him and try with me again that she would have already, and maybe it's a lost cause trying with her.

She tells me that she is scared that I will 'break her heart' again and is worried that I won't want a relationship if she breaks up with him and is therefore cautious of ending their relationship.

 

[sharkbeat]

You are her rebound and will stay that way unless you walk away. She must have been dumped by her bf. I doubt her "love" is genuine.

 

[SilentAlarm]

She is still with her boyfriend. That's the problem. She's with him but says she wants to be with me but is scared that I will hurt her (emotionally).

 

[Rhoto]

You seem to be on the verge of making a bad decision.

Don't get back with her. You're settling because you've found some one to stroke your ego. And no this isn't a challenge. You think its a challenge, but really its not, if anything its the easy way out.

Think about this man, what kind of girl is this - she will up and dump her current boyfriend to come back with you, some one who dumped her.

You can't find any one else? Fine, get back with your old girlfriend and don't risk experiencing new things.

And save your "I have dated new people and want to be with her" - because you haven't.

 

[MrLuvr]

She is still with her boyfriend. That's the problem. She's with him but says she wants to be with me but is scared that I will hurt her (emotionally).

You say you want to be with her. Have you told her how you feel? I would let it be known to her that you reciprocate her feelings, then leave it at that. If she takes that at face value and comes back, then great. I wouldn't push it too much at all. She already has the feelings for you. You just need to get her to flip the switch on her current relationship. Only she can do that, not you.

 

[SilentAlarm]

Rhoto and MrLuvr, I think I will combine both your advice. I have told her how I feel, I won't push it at all and if it happens then it does, if it doesn't I guess I will just leave it at that.

 

[WC2]

Rhoto and MrLuvr, I think I will combine both your advice. I have told her how I feel, I won't push it at all and if it happens then it does, if it doesn't I guess I will just leave it at that.

I as well think you're on the verge of making a bad decision.

First and foremost, you never reveal all your cards to women you are intimate with. It's fine to flash your cards every now and then, but laying your cards out is just like laying your balls out on the table, just waiting for her to chop them off; considering that she's gone through 3 guys since you've known her, she most definitely will.


I believe this is 'the grass is always greener' situation she's got herself into. While she may really believe she loves you and wants to get back with you, it's almost positive that her love will be short lived. Women love to change emotions quickly, as it's a rush for them. They will settle down with someone for awhile, get bored, and latch on to their next victim.

It's not really a negative characteristic in women; it's just reality.

Why are you going back to this woman? You've gone from being friends to being lovers to being friends again and back to lovers?

This does NOT work. Ever.

Reality is not like the movies in which relationships can turn into friendships and back to sexually explosive relationships; it's just a fact of life. Either you're always sexually explosive with another or you're not. Either she's faking when she pretends to be friends with you or she's faking when she pretends to be lovers with you; in this situation she may be doing a little of both.

Don't take offense, as I've been in your situation NUMEROUS times when an ex is with another and tries to come back to me. I can't lie, I've let an ex back in to my life once, only to see her latch on to another victim a month later.

It's not worth the anxiety and strain on your brain. There are so many women out there that 'damaged goods' are just simply not worth your time, assuming you're a worthwhile male (I imagine you are).

This might look like a salvagable situation, but in all likelihood it is not. I've never seen two people get back together after being together then being friends for awhile successfully. Unless the sexual tension has been there all along (aka you've been f*cking her since), you're not going to have a sexually explosive relationship and she WILL get bored. She WILL move on to another male just for some change.

You've been warned.