Confused about younger women age issues

[NatureGuy]

I'm really confused about the whole "age" thing and I hope you guys can
help me out.
I'm not really that interested in women under 30, but for some reason I've had alot of recent positive contacts with girls in this age range (Well, I'm assuming that's their age range) but I don't pursue it because I'm thinking maybe they see me as a father figure or something. It sure doesn't seem that way at times, but the question is: how do I tell !?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Dude, who cares what they see you as. If they are gonna see you as a father figure type, it might happen even with women close to your age. You don't tell us how old you are, but any young woman 23+, will denifinitely go, for the most part for a guy who's closer to 30+ over a guy 20+.

If you are getting the attention of younger girls, its because you posses the qualities that women notice and/or are after in a mate. You probably didn't have them at the time you were a lot younger. Women at that age, specially the ones who know what they want, will definitely notice a man who's got his act together, or at least has more going for him than a much younger man.

 

[NatureGuy]

Gangster: thanks. These girls are 15+
years younger than I am (estimate).
The question remains for me: how do
I tell if their interest in me is just because
they feel "safe" around me (because I'm
too old) or they actually see possiblities?
It could be problematic to cross the line
inappropriately.

 

[dietzcoi]

I cannot answer your question but from my experience it is tough to deal with these younger women at our age. Flakey!

DIetzcoi

 

[NatureGuy]

Yes, that's one reason why I'm wary about them. But I'm open minded so I
don't want to immediately exclude someone based on a generalization
(if she likes me).

 

[Big Pappy]

Perhaps I can shed some light on this topic.

I've already had a successful career in the restaurant industry. After reaching certain goals, I decided to go back to school for a graduate degree. Being a good student, I earned an assistantship, which puts me in a lab with about 150 different college kids on daily basis. Do the math, that's 75*5 (half girls) that I deal with every day.

My other part time job, which I do more for fun than money is playing the part of bouncer/cooler at a local pub.

They let people under 21 drink, so I would estimate that I get to interact with approximately 75 more girls every night I go there.

I am over 30. The oldest of these girls is probably 24, but the average age is probably 19 or 20.

Some of these girls that don't know me just look at me and wonder what "the old guy" is doing hanging around all these kids.

The guys in the pub always want to shake my hand and use me to get themselves some social proof. The girls, well, half of them are always coming up to me and expressing an interest in subtle ways. For the first six months, I just said as little as possible, because I didn't even view them as potential friends, let alone prospective dates/gf. This tactic apparently is perceived by some girls as challenge. And it's not even a tactic.

After talking with the dean of my department (he's 60+ and married a 28 year old hottie) I decided that the kind of guy that dates women 10-15 years younger than himself is the guy who can.

How do you determine whether their interest is beyond normal curiosity and not fatherly or brotherly?
It's not too difficult. You have to treat these girls like any other girl. Be aware that women are not going to go out of their way to talk to you unless they are curious about something, want something or find you attractive.

In my case, more than half of the girls I know see me more as the the master player, simply because the other half of the girls are always talking to me. These girls will talk about you. If you treat them the right way, all of their friends will know and they will beat the literal path to your door.


In a nutshell, when you apply kino, and the girl returns kino (ie: puts her hand on your thigh, you need to kiss her.)


Hope that helps.

 

[NatureGuy]

Great response Big Pappy! That does help.
I think I may have been unwittingly presenting a challenge to these girls .
When you say they show interest
in "subtle ways" , can you be specific?

 

[Big Pappy]

Sure -


Obviously some are more subtle than others.


On karaoke night, this girl dedicated "Sweet Home Alabama" to me. Not sure why she picked that song, I'm from Ohio.

One girl seems determined to win my heart through my stomach -she makes me chocolate chip cookies every Thursday. YUM!

Another girl just seems to stutter in front of me, but seems to talk normal when I watch her with her friends.

My favorite is when they introduce me to a string of their girlfriends as "This is Big Pappy. He IS the man!" These girls are generally ones I have little or no attraction for, but my dad always told me to be nice to all the ladies, because they have good looking friends.

The more subtle signs are the casual Kino, the higher pitch of their voice when they greet me, followed by a lower pitch when I say goodbye.

 

[DEKKA]

past a certain point (when a girl is old enough to make a concious and rational decision to have sex) i say throw age issues out the window. they are just social standards that really have no basis in reality. there can be real sparks in relationships where its socially taboo to be together. im not saying break any laws but if you are a lover that shows he has no regard for certain social bounderies that can be really sexy.

personally i'm 20 and i'd fvck any chicks 6+ between 16 and 50 (they'd have to be a little hotter the older they were).

 

[NatureGuy]

Big Pappy: Once again, thanks, and I think
that explanation clears up my question.
Dekka: thanks, but you have to admit you often hear people say something like "oh, he's (or she's) too old! ". I suppose it's
really judged on an individual case basis.
In my case, for example, I actually look younger.

Although I'm less confused, I have to admit I'm still wary about approaching the younger gals, but I'm encouraged.

 

[Eileen]

Well, where are you finding these girls and what are you looking for in a "relationship."

Running into a younger gal who's attracted to you at say ... a chamber of commerce meeting is one thing. Finding one at Sam's Bar is another. Location will help to determine intent.

 

[NatureGuy]

Good point. But how would intent differ
from a girl presumably showing interest at a Sam's bar from a chamber of commerce meeting? Instead, I would think location
would indicate approach, rather than
intent?

 

[Big Pappy]

Kudos to Eileen, because she thinks on a different plane. Not sure whether it's horizontal, verticle or some angle, but she does process data differently from me.

The intent from a girl at "Sam's bar" may or may not be different. The same girl is just as likely to have interest in you at either place. Or just as likely to not have interest in you romantically.

The dynamics are different, though. Expected behaviors are different. I doubt very much that a young lady will place her hand on your thigh during a chamber of commerce fundraiser. Whereas, at Sam's bar, it's quite likely that if she's into you, she will provide some measure of touch, particularly if you initiate the touching.

I hesitate to "explain" what Eileen is talking about, although I think I know. I'll just let her reiterate in her own words.

 

[NatureGuy]

Big Pappy, once again thanks for that insight. Your "another plane" reference
is well put - I didn't realize until later that Eileen's reference to "relationship" was
implying I could be looking for a ONS. I don't think that way so it truly is on another plane !

 

[TooColdUlrick]

i'm in a similar situation as Big Pappy. i have a Phd in Economics, successful management consulting company, and teach executive management (25 - 35 year olds), speak at industry trade shows and conferences, etc...

i always have one or two hotties in my classes who get sweet on me. this usually happens after about 6 weeks.

THEN...i start to get some kinda lame emails, asking me questions that they already know the answer to. calling me on my cell for something dumb. or, staying after class, AND WAITING IN LINE to talk to me so we can walk to the parking garage together.

they are usually 25ish, college degree and/or grad degree, and moving up. the ones that do get sweet on me are always 7+'s in looks and 9+'s in other areas and successful. very rarely if ever have i had a fugly (sorry) young lady pursue me (students, that is). i am average looking, but keep myself very well groomed.

why is this so? many reasons (i've given this a lot of thought over the last couple of years).

in a nutshell, confidence, ambition, success, power, and respect. the "DJ's" in their age bracket have none of this (or it's very, very, rare).

on the confidence front, this is real confidence, not fake stuff that chicks can sniff out. i mean holding an audience of 50+ professionals for three hours for 12 weeks? answering all of their questions--even oddball ones that are off-topic. sometimes i can see these chicks creaming their panties when i do something strange. i always use the "F" word once or twice in class (to stress a critical point). you should see their faces--you know, the, "i can't believe he said that..." look.

these chicks have their act together and they know what they want and don't want. i would say they are cream of the crop, overall, in this age bracket.

they also know that i had to work my ass off to get where i am. they respect me instantly just because of the position i'm in. they also know that i am busy and they shouldn't waste my time. so they don't play games. i've been blown out on a first "date" only once in about five years.

the other thing is that if (when) they get my ear during a course and i know they are interested, i will tell them that we will HAVE TO WAIT until AFTER THE COURSE is over to go out. btw, since this is exec mgmt, i'm under no ethical or legal constraints on this issue--it's just my own policy. i score MAJOR, MAJOR, "patience" points on this one--by default.

yet another angle is that these chicks know damn well that i have plenty of other opportunities around the corner--from chicks just like them. hence, very little in the games dept.

i never hit on these chicks while they're students--never. i don't want this type of reputation in certain circles. this is probably another reason they cometh to me--they know that my career and repuation are more important than they are!

so, hot little 25 year olds that i'm now attracting?

YEAH BAAAABY!!! i MoFo earned it. took me 10+ years to get where i am (in life). probably another reason why this happens.

God i love women....

 

[Slickster]

Regardless of age, if she is interested she'll let you know one way or another. Forget about analyzing the difference between true interest and the father figure issue.

As long as we're not talking about teenage girls here I wouldn't worry about being older.

Enjoy it man. Older guys definately have the advantage when dealing with 20 something chicks.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Since when did you start carding? As we get older, our women should get younger... it's an unwritten rule.. don't you know that?!

 

[NatureGuy]

Thanks guys. This is helping alot. In the
back of my mind, I guess I've been saying, "am I the dirty old man here?" or is she really interested? Hey, I'd rather stick with over 30's, but there seem to be alot more available 20's women (let face it, most of them).

TooColdUlrick: I can relate to what you're saying, although I wonder if alot of those women are just interested in you professionally.
My situation is similar to yours.
In my case, I'm often approached by females (always younger because by default they're newer to the field) but I feel they are primarily interested in my specialized knowledge to gain some advantage in our field, not anything romantic (although they do like me). It would seem arrogant on my part to think otherwise. (They can't be nice to me without my thinking they're interested in me !?)

 

[Slickster]

In my case, I'm often approached by females (always younger because by default they're newer to the field) but I feel they are primarily interested in my specialized knowledge to gain some advantage in our field, not anything romantic (although they do like me). It would seem arrogant on my part to think otherwise. ..

What I find disturbing is that you are worrying about this.

You should have the attitude that you are the sh!t! Just assume that they are ALL naturally interested in you! Why wouldn't they be?

Like a girlfriend of mine once said to me "There's just something about a guy who thinks he's hot that makes him....well....HOT!"

With that being said make sure you don't treat any of them any differently. ie. If you sense her interest don't show that you know it.

 

[NatureGuy]

Slickster:

I get what you're saying, and I'm making
a mental note to be more confident in
that way. But I have to be fair to people,
and not assume being nice or approaching
me means anything beyond the supercial.
Let's say you played guitar, and you were able to meet this world renowned female guitarist (ah, Erica Clapton). You'd be thrilled, show alot of interest, and want to know some tricks and so on. But would
it be appropriate if Erica ( lets say she's big, fat, 45 year old, buck tooth) made advances on you?