Confused about my feelings

[ssj245]

Hi guys, Im feeling confused about some of my feelings that I have, Im trying to fix my inner game but its not moving as the way I want it to.

I've asked this same question about a few times but, I dont get a good answer, just a generic or distant answer or a quote from the bible. Im not going on a rant here. Anyway

I feel like I'm missing out on life, right now I have three good friends, one of them is away and I see about two of them every week, where we watch a movie, play pool, or get a few drinks and call it a night. These friends are really close to me and I do "love" them as my brothers. I've known them for five six years. For some my life might be a good thing. But I am unhappy with it. We hang out for about three hours call it a night then.

I feel like I live in a very small predictable, boring world. While the world around me is going on date's, making out, clubbing, frat parties, house parties, beaches, bbq's, get together's, double dates, sex doing all the things people do at my age of 19. I dont want to sit back and waste my youth. Peers my age do so much, I usually go home most nights. I hang out on fridays or saturday. One day out of the week. Most people walk with their friends in groups and I usually feel like I am alone. But maybe thats just me.

When I walk the street's I see guys walking around in groups going clubbing or I see a car full of guys with girls dressed for going out. Most of the week I am by myself, I rarely have people my age to talk to. Everytime I see some people my age having fun, I start to feel down about myself. Especially the alphas who seem to have such fullfilling lives, with new people always in their lives, girls dating and guys whom they met going dancing or drinking in the city.

Well I guess the problem could point to the fact that I have a very limited social circle, I dont have that many friends or connections, and that I'm not good at making them because Im quite anxious around people who are strangers. One of my friends is in a frat, who he always has people to hangout with, there very friendly but I never got close and I just feel jealous when I hear all the fun stuff they did on the weekend. I hope you guys understand how I feel.

There seem like a big world outside my house thats going on without me. Esp the girls part. This might come as a shock but most people who have girls dont come to this site in the first place. You dont need sosuave.com to live your life. They treat dating and girls like their job, its something all normal human beings do. Its seems like most of the world doesnt have trouble with girls.

All these feelings preoccupy my mind and make me feel bad abot myself and I dont know what to do.

 

[stubbornlights]

don't despair

You deserve a reply, this place is about self-help and community in some way.

What you have to realize is that those aren't uncommon feelings. A restless sense of ennui, passive agitation, longing for something else that you see other people with but you yourself don't have. Sure, you're down. But you recognize it. Perception is the first step. The only way out of this kind of thing is through your own drive to progress. You feel as though your friends are holding you back? Keep pushing. If you can't persuade them to pursue a more active lifestyle, just try to go after it on your own. I'm a shy guy by nature, and I'm in a city situation where I don't know many people, but I'm still going at it. Even alone, I'm getting out there. Make little goals, little steps, and fight for them. You said it yourself, it's your inner game that's the problem.

But what are you going to do about it?

It's been said before: read the bible, read the posts, get out of your slump. Just don't give in to apathy; keep trying. Post your progress here. There are lots of people going through the same things. A lot of what I said is rather regurgatory, but hey, maybe it needed to be repeated.

Best of luck, dude.

 

[ssj245]

hm...

there not uncommon?

hmm..I thought they were. It gives me a sense of small hope.

Making small goals, making small atempts towards what I want and not letting this feeling get to me and my mood, thats what your saying right?

makes sense. And yes, Im not afraid of going out alone even. It makes me feel part of the world at least.

 

[stubbornlights]

Completely not uncommon. I grew up in a small town, and a lot of the guys I know who've come to the cities for education and stuff are dealing with the same thing. But they're getting better. I have a lot of shy friends who are completely inept with women; they speak jittery and aren't at all confident. Maybe you think these things are uncommon because you don't see these dudes lingering at home alone? They're out there, trust me.

And yeah, making small goals, small attempts, that is key. If you go after everything in one motion and you fail a couple of times, it feels pretty bad. It's ambitious. But small steps are easy(er). Success is more frequent, and misteps are easily shaken off. After a while, the sucesses consolidate into something tangible; larger social circles, more women in your life, etc. Don't let your mood get to you. Make sure your determination is in excess to any hesitation or despondency.

I don't know the details about your situation, obviously, but it sounds like you'd do well with expanding your circle in general. Make friends, male and female, even dudes will be able to show you to parties and stuff like that. It's a waterfall effect.

keep fighting, and don't let you get yourself down.

 

[spitkicker]

when you are out on any given night, about 80% of the guys in the room have no clue what they are doing.

They go home feeling just as crumby and ****ty about their failures, except they chalk it up to "not being good looking enough" instead of realizing that there is an intricate game that is being played.

Be thankful that you are aware of the game and thus have a sense of control in your life.

Furthermore, there has to be a discomfort period before you can grow.

Want to make your world bigger?Go out to shopping places everyday and start conversations with everyone. sales girls, guys, dogs. last one was a joke.

You will begin to see the beauty in interacting with strangers and you will feel your world becoming bigger.

Are you at school?

 

[ssj245]

thank you

thank you.

Step 1or goal 1 is to fix my mood. So I dont feel down all the time.

Step 2 is to work on my confidence/esteem. This should be broken down into smaller goals.

It was a good response.
Im basically a guy who starts to feel nervous and jittery around women like you described but also around males whom I precieve as High value meaning mine is lower, and I shouldnt think that way.

Im in school, 19 in college.

I have a job. Its just that random conversation is kind of hard for me. I get nervous and that gets in the way esp with people whom seem "scary"

I live in NYC too! In queens.

 

[spitkicker]

i know, the fact that its scary shows you that there is room for growth.

fear is the indicator that growth is right around the corner.

honestly, when you start a conversation with a pretty girl and you're both vibing and relating, there is no better feeling...

you just need to get out there and approach girls, compliment them, smile, make small talk about things in the environment.

go to a bookstore and walk up to girls and say "its my little/big sister's birthday and i need a gift, what should i get?" make the age of ur sibling to be around their age. smile. wait for a response. then just flow with them. be playful and fun,

it takes balls to approach, but after that, its smooth sailing baby. just look past the approach..

a word on confidence. this term is very elusive. it's highly contingent upon your emotional state, which is a result of your thoughts, which is aresult of your external environment.

So the best way to get into a good state is to be chatty and get into a small convo. you will leave it feeling good.

if you don't, then start a new one. Eventually you will have a good one and your confidence will begin to snowball and after 3-4 good interactions you will feel like ****ing superman.

repeat this process whenever you go out meeting people. confidence/lack of confidence is fleeting, so you have to spark it everytime you go out.

 

[ssj245]

okay

So there is no constant state of confidence?

 

[spitkicker]

unfortunately, no. However, there is the habit of confidence. Once you can repetitivly get into a confident state, it becomes easier and easier to access. make sense?