Confirmation calls: good or bad?

[Yagrash]

What's up guys?

One of the weakest points of my game is and always has been my phone abilities. Never liked talking on the phone and never did it much, so as a result, I just suck at it now. I basically have a bunch of 1-2 minute conversations, never leave messages, and just cut straight to the point, which is fine, I guess.

One thing I've always wondered about working with chicks on the phone, however (and this is kind of nitpicky, granted...) is whether or not to make confirmation calls, and if so, when to make 'em.

Hypothetical situation:

I call a chick on Monday. Ask her to dinner on Thursday. Tell her we're going someplace semi-casual like a Chilis or a Fridays and I'll pick her up at 7. Get the **** off the phone and leave it at that.

Do I call like an hour before I pick her up to let her know that I'll be there on time? Call the day before (this seems a little gay)? Not call at all?

I think my current policy is calling 30 mins-a couple hours before to let her know that I haven't forgotten and to make sure that she hasn't forgotten.

But I guess my question is... what do all of you guys do?

 

[WaterTiger]

There is two schools of thought. One is that it's good manners, the other that it allows the girl to cancel at the last second.

Personally, I'm a woman that places big points with manners. I consider it very thoughtful for a guy to call ands say he's on the way. (I have time to freshen my make up, change shoes or whatever.) But that's just me. Other responses may differ!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I agree, manners is good. I've never had anyone flake/cancel on me but I have never given them reason too either.

I either call and arrange something max 2-3 days after the call and I normally call to confirm and chat her up a while before it's set. I like these confirmation calls to get her mind wind up so she is really ready... But I'm also a very spontenaous type so I often will call and setup a date the same night I call and generally that involves either me or her visiting the other persons place for some wine and possibly massage. Massages = very very good card. Never ever met a girl turning down a massage and if you are good at it, know which oils to use etc it's a BIG BIG +++

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Its usually best not to make plans too far in advance. If I call a girl on a Sunday, the furthest down the road I'd make plans would be a Tuesday. For the reasons already mentioned. As for the "confirmation call" I think its a little AFC. Yes its good manners, but it makes it look like you have nothing else going on in your life IMHO. I usually throw it back on the girl.

Me: So what's your schedule like for the this week?
HB: Blah blah blah blah
Me: Great I'm free on Tuesday too, lets get together.
HB: yeah that sounds great.
Me: Ok, cool give me a call when your done with class.(or whatever she said she's doing that day, work etc)

This tells me if she remembers things I say and if I've sparked her interest.



PIMP

 

[chili kat]

I have no problem with giving the woman a short window of opportunity to cancel, and that short window comes as I'm ready to walk out my front door. I'll call 15 minutes ahead to let her know I'm on my way. I chose 15 minutes because even if a woman is running late getting all dolled up, she should be long out of the shower and able to answer the phone. I expect her to be in front of the mirror, regardless of whether the date is formal or casual. An hour or two before is no good, especially if the date is more formal.

For obvious reasons, 15-20 minutes prior doesn't rub off like you have nothing to do, since you're going on a date....with her. It's also manners. Gives her the time to get her last minute sh*t toether. If she is going to cancel, so what. Worse case? I'm all dressed up with no place to go. I just find someplace to go. Since I dressed with women on my mind, might as well go meet some women.

Great thing about this is that you can form a plan B ahead of time. I'll find out if there is a happy hour, ladies night or whatever going on at the same time the date is planned.

You'll never give a sh*t if she cancels.

Her: "Oh, I'm sick. My puppy died. My mother came in from out of town...."

ME: "Yup. Sure. Cool. BYE!"

 

[Avsguy01]

You guys think about this way to much! Be considerate. Let her know your on the way.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

if the date is a somewhat spontaneous one, like that day or the next day, i usually won't call for a confirmation.

if it's a couple of days in advance or more, i will call for a confirm--almost always--usually a couple hours before.

the chicks i go out with ususally know that my schedule is tight, due to the work that i do (e.g. i AM actually genuinely busy). i always confirm meetings with clients and i usually treat "meetings" with women the same way--it's the same dynamic.

many times, SHE will do the confirming, with a quick email or some other way, the night before or that day. i like that! if she does this, you DO NOT RE-CONFIRM! i have found that this is a very good sign she's interested in seeing me and is looking forward to it. i don't think it's AFC at all for a guy to do this, unless he says, "i'm really, really, looking forward to it...i can't wait..." or some stupid shiat like that.

a very easy, polite, and professional way to confirm without coming off as AFC is to call her a couple of hours before and say, "hey, i have a situation that i need to take care of, i might be 15-20 minutes late for tonight...see you there..."

Do I call like an hour before I pick her up to let her know that I'll be there on time? Call the day before (this seems a little gay)? Not call at all?

so, my answer to your question is this: NO! you call her to tell her you WON'T be on time! and at the same time, you're confirming the date. it's a harmless, but important tactic.

...you've done several of things with this: 1) you have a life and something needs your attention; 2) you're being considerate by informing her of this; 3) you're indirectly confirming without being AFC in any way; 4) you're initiating an opportunity for her to trump you and cancel herself--if she doesn't, good. if she does, good too, back off and see if she counteroffers; 5) you said "might be" late. show up ON TIME anyway. if she IS there on time, it's a little sign as to her interest level.

problem solved. i almost always do the above. easy as pie and you come off smelling like a rose, with no AFC risk.

the bottom line is this: if you feel as though you NEED to confirm the date, or worse, "remind" her of it, she probably doesn't have a high interest level. confirm anyways, as above, and see how it goes.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by GigaloDJ
Go read my new TIP!!!!!!!!!!!

i don't think this is a very good tip!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by GigaloDJ
Then don't use it.

didn't plan on it.

 

[JJMcLure]

No.

If a chick asks you to call to confirm, tell her maybe it's best you rearrange for when her schedule is freer. (Otherwise she is likely to use you as the backup plan, if her better plans drop through she can still go out with you). Also, some chicks like to be chased (with no intention of being caught) to boost their ego - she will keep making and breaking dates.

As for calling to confirm for your own sake, don't. It comes across lacking in confidence (you are not sure its still on, you think she may want to cancel etc).

Some chicks will even try to pull a last minute change on you on the confirm call, just to test you. e.g. time/location/reschedule. You don't need this.

You say you want to call to "make sure she hasn't forgotten"! If she has forgotten her IL is so low you should not want to waste your time on her anyway (think of all the other chicks out there). You should be in the mindset that she is so lucky to have a date with you there is no way she will forget. In addition you need to project that to the chick to make it a reality.

Set up the date, for a solid time and place and stick to it. No confirmation call.

 

[THA REALNESS]

C'mon dawgg you gotta call a couple of hours before a date. C'mon Now!!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by JJMcLure
Some chicks will even try to pull a last minute change on you on the confirm call, just to test you. e.g. time/location/reschedule. You don't need this.

yes, that is exactly what i need!

i work 80 hours per week, guys. damn straight i'm gonna get a confirmation before i take a shower, shave, iron clothes, get dressed up, drive in traffic, etc. only to have to drive back when i get blown out, with smoke coming out of my ears.

the chicks i go out with are also professionals, in their mid-twenties. a confirmation is almost expected.

as a matter of fact, if i DON'T get a confirmation (i either talk to her and confirm, or i leave a VM on the cell and get a call back), i ain't showing up.

and by the way...very, very, rarely do i get blown out. it's happend once in the last year.

there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a confirmation. and about a "lack of confidence" issue? there's nothing un-confident about confirming. she's going out with me in the first place, in part because she already knows i'm confident.

if you guys are all saying that "my time is valuable...i'm so busy...etc," wouldn't you want to confirm? doesn't it actually project confidence?

you're soooo busy right? you have soooo many other things to do, right? why then, wouldn't you call her up and confirm, if you're so busy and your time is so valuable. you would! it reinforces the idea that you are, in fact, busy, and that your time, in fact, is valuable! it also says that you are considerate.

just don't do it AFC style. and if she cancels, good for you. "okay, bye...see ya' later..."

in any event, if she thinks less of you because you are confirming, you don't want to waste your valuable time with her, right? if she has a high interest level in you, and you call to confirm, her interest level WILL NOT drop.

after you've seen each other several times and you're seeing her more frequently, the confirmations taper off. this is the way it always goes down with me. this is a requirement of dating me because i know that chicks can't tell time. if we don't confirm, i don't show. period. there's confidence and control for ya!

i think i'm older than most of you guys. it's common practice. i appreciate it and they appreciate it.

 

[dontmindme]

I think it's fine as long as you don't ask: "You're still going right?" To give her the opportunity to cancel without sounding AFC-ish, just call to let her know when you'll be leaving. If she wants to flake, that's her opening. If she's still good, she'll appreciate knowing how many extra minutes she has to pick the perfect dress for the date.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

go here for some more dialogue on this. it's actually a good question--to confirm or not to confirm?

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&postid=384917#post384917

 

[becker]

I don't see what the big deal is if you call to confirm a date. Seems like overanalysis to me.

I say don't put the prerogative on the girl to call you, because a majority of the time she won't because girls just don't do the calling to confirm a date. It's just not the way it normally works, and if you choose to fight the system, you'll probably end up alone unless you have backup plans.

 

[Eileen]

I could really cozy up to you Becker. You've got some good insight when it comes to women.

Manners. Women do like a man with good manners.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

TooColdUlrick says....

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"there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a confirmation. and about a "lack of confidence" issue? there's nothing un-confident about confirming. she's going out with me in the first place, in part because she already knows i'm confident.

if you guys are all saying that "my time is valuable...i'm so busy...etc," wouldn't you want to confirm? doesn't it actually project confidence?

you're soooo busy right? you have soooo many other things to do, right? why then, wouldn't you call her up and confirm, if you're so busy and your time is so valuable. you would! it reinforces the idea that you are, in fact, busy, and that your time, in fact, is valuable! it also says that you are considerate.

just don't do it AFC style. and if she cancels, good for you. "okay, bye...see ya' later..."

in any event, if she thinks less of you because you are confirming, you don't want to waste your valuable time with her, right? if she has a high interest level in you, and you call to confirm, her interest level WILL NOT drop.

after you've seen each other several times and you're seeing her more frequently, the confirmations taper off. this is the way it always goes down with me. this is a requirement of dating me because i know that chicks can't tell time. if we don't confirm, i don't show. period. there's confidence and control for ya!"

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TooCold
Your advice is right on - because you are acting like an adult and value your time and adult's don't like to play teenage games!

These young jets feel as if they'll be perceiced as chumps if they let on that they are thinking about the girl too much ----- well to that I say they already know u r thinking about them because u r the one that is persuing them and set up the date to see them! Read TooCold's post again if you don't get it.

P.S. Too Cold, are you Ice Cold's (another DJ) brother or father?

If so, whiich one of you is colder - TOO or ICE?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
TooCold
Your advice is right on - because you are acting like an adult and value your time and adult's don't like to play teenage games!

These young jets feel as if they'll be perceiced as chumps if they let on that they are thinking about the girl too much ----- well to that I say they already know u r thinking about them because u r the one that is persuing them and set up the date to see them! Read TooCold's post again if you don't get it.

P.S. Too Cold, are you Ice Cold's (another DJ) brother or father?

If so, whiich one of you is colder - TOO or ICE?

i know, i think these boards are turning a lot of lost kiddies into angry and bitter little monsters who have confused the player with the DJ. two different beasts. they end up psyching themselves out--like this situation.

i love the "i'm so busy and i'm the prize" shiat. No you're not! Cmon...TooCold, PuertoRican_Lover, and other experienced DJ's can rook you right out of that 23 year old HB "whatever". was thinking about posting something profound, but i think it will fall on deaf ears for the most part.

this situation is an easy play, guys. Do Unto Others...

i'm probably Ice Cold's older brother??? i MUST be colder, cuz i'm TooCold!

PS: it's a very old nickname from high school!