Hey what's good Dons, I'm new to the forum and I enjoy reading the threads that are being posted. I'm in need of you all expert advice. I'm living in LA now been here for a year now but I'm originally from Georgia and I will say I have never felt so out of place in my life. I think ppl out here really don't like out of towners. I find that out here ppl emulate the t.v. a lot, something that I just don't do. But I think females look for that out of me, I'm a black man and I be damn if I imitate those other brothas on t.v. because we know how most of those clowns act so we ain't gone go there. But I find it depressing that I can't be myself here so my confidence is shot. I have got turned down so much that its hard for me to find the will to say anything anymore. So this is my problem, any input would be great... thanks
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
confidence shot
- Thread starter collosuss
- Start date
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
It's a tough town if you have thin skin. You just gotta be cool with being you and not let your confidence level be dictated by how others react to you. And the only way to achieve that is by taking care of yourself physically and mentally (gym, slowing down thoughts via meditation or whatever) and focusing on doing things that you enjoy. Improve on a skill, spend some time with your hobby, set career goals and start working towards em - and as long as you're doing your thing, other people's opinions should matter less.
lavalamp69
Don Juan
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so what brings you all the way to LA from Georgia?
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
Deus ex Pianoforte2
Don Juan
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Been there, bruh.
Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
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I want you to read what I'm about to tell you very carefully. It's not an insult in anyway or meant to make you feel bad about yourself, but it's only said to help you change your mind frame...
You're bull-sh*tting yourself, and it's the reason you're failing with women out here in LA LA land.
Dude, my story is almost like yours: born and raised in VA, moved to ATL for 2 years before I came out to L.A.. Well-spoken Black guy who got teased by other Blacks growing up for speaking like a white person (i.e. with diction and good english) and who had white people calling me "the whitest black guy they knew."
Furthermore, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, and once I did I was only hooking up with one girl a year - yes, ONE girl a year...
Then, I moved out to L.A., and my lay numbers shot UP. I've hooked up with more girls in this town than in ANY OTHER PLACE I'VE LIVED.
The difference? Realizing that it wasn't the GIRLS that were at fault, but ME. I didn't have self-confidence in my self, nor did I have my life in order the way I wanted it to be. Once I got rid of the excuses and started working on myself, I became more confident and was able to start getting girls. Heck, I was scoring with lawyers, scientists, teachers, etc. when I had no place to live out here and was living on someone else's couch for 2 months!
So, you definitely need to work on yourself. I also recommend signing up for online dating. Yes, some people here are against it, but most of my lays/girlfriends within the past 3 years have come from it. It allows you to hit on a lot of women and try different techniques out so that they become less nerve-wracking, and you'll get more used to being rejected, to the point where it won't affect you as much as it does now - ironically, not being affected by it will cause you not to care so much if your outcome with women is positive or negative, but will result in better interactions with more positive results.
Hope this helped! Oh, and click on the link in my signature to download some of my FREE dating/relationship podcast for men only!
You're bull-sh*tting yourself, and it's the reason you're failing with women out here in LA LA land.
Dude, my story is almost like yours: born and raised in VA, moved to ATL for 2 years before I came out to L.A.. Well-spoken Black guy who got teased by other Blacks growing up for speaking like a white person (i.e. with diction and good english) and who had white people calling me "the whitest black guy they knew."
Furthermore, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 23, and once I did I was only hooking up with one girl a year - yes, ONE girl a year...
Then, I moved out to L.A., and my lay numbers shot UP. I've hooked up with more girls in this town than in ANY OTHER PLACE I'VE LIVED.
The difference? Realizing that it wasn't the GIRLS that were at fault, but ME. I didn't have self-confidence in my self, nor did I have my life in order the way I wanted it to be. Once I got rid of the excuses and started working on myself, I became more confident and was able to start getting girls. Heck, I was scoring with lawyers, scientists, teachers, etc. when I had no place to live out here and was living on someone else's couch for 2 months!
So, you definitely need to work on yourself. I also recommend signing up for online dating. Yes, some people here are against it, but most of my lays/girlfriends within the past 3 years have come from it. It allows you to hit on a lot of women and try different techniques out so that they become less nerve-wracking, and you'll get more used to being rejected, to the point where it won't affect you as much as it does now - ironically, not being affected by it will cause you not to care so much if your outcome with women is positive or negative, but will result in better interactions with more positive results.
Hope this helped! Oh, and click on the link in my signature to download some of my FREE dating/relationship podcast for men only!
LA is difficult because it's so spread out. I suggest you find clubs and hobbies you enjoy. Build a social circle first, think about scoring with chicks second.
Kerouac called LA the most lonely and brutal of American cities. It's very difficult to establish an "in" because social ties are already so tenuous and everybody's always looking for the next best thing. It's a vast city but after being in LA a few years you'll realize it's actually pretty small. Then things will get easier.
Kerouac called LA the most lonely and brutal of American cities. It's very difficult to establish an "in" because social ties are already so tenuous and everybody's always looking for the next best thing. It's a vast city but after being in LA a few years you'll realize it's actually pretty small. Then things will get easier.
PlayHer Man
Banned
This is a great opportunity to build strength. Hard times make you stronger in the long run. LA like most major U.S. cities is very pretentious and superficial. Looks, connections, style and fashion matter more than skills, morals, etc.
The reality is.. if you think you're awesome, so will others. People don't dig very deeply in big cities. They judge people FAST and go off superficial assumptions. Use this to your advantage to make friends.
Regarding women, just try to spin plates and f*ck them. Don't worry about bonding or connecting.. that will happen automatically via f*cking them. :yes:
Also.. when you go to new places where you don't fit into the culture.. the women will embrace you a lot faster than the men. Once men see you with lots of women.. they will want to be your friend (they might even kiss your ass to be your friend). :crackup:
Get involved in activities you enjoy. Don't be afraid to ask around and talk to locals about fun things to do. Be open to new people and willing to embrace new things (at least on the surface). Don't stick to racial lines. Be open to everyone. Dress neutrally so you can blend in anywhere (something I've always done).
Just remember that big cities are very superficial. If you master the art of making a good first impression.. you will thrive.
The reality is.. if you think you're awesome, so will others. People don't dig very deeply in big cities. They judge people FAST and go off superficial assumptions. Use this to your advantage to make friends.
Regarding women, just try to spin plates and f*ck them. Don't worry about bonding or connecting.. that will happen automatically via f*cking them. :yes:
Also.. when you go to new places where you don't fit into the culture.. the women will embrace you a lot faster than the men. Once men see you with lots of women.. they will want to be your friend (they might even kiss your ass to be your friend). :crackup:
Get involved in activities you enjoy. Don't be afraid to ask around and talk to locals about fun things to do. Be open to new people and willing to embrace new things (at least on the surface). Don't stick to racial lines. Be open to everyone. Dress neutrally so you can blend in anywhere (something I've always done).
Just remember that big cities are very superficial. If you master the art of making a good first impression.. you will thrive.
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.