Confidence out of nowhere?

[HardLeftHook]

Short summary: 18 years old, finished 1st year of college, skinny. No kiss, no gf. This is kind of weird to be honest. I was gonna explain my situation in depth but I think going in depth is going to cause what I fear.

My usual day is full of me dissapointing myself when I dont act like my true personality. I usually come of as a shy socially awkward moron incapable of holding a conversation with men and women(mainly women). The problem with this is that I'm well aware of my actions and try to change it but I feel like somethings restricting me and no matter how much I think, I end up acting anti-social. I've been in a worse than usual slump since 2nd semester of college started.

My day is usually spent on the computer or occasionally going out with the few friends I have. On the rare occasion women are with us, I lock up and freeze usually. When this happens I go in a depressed, disappointed state but recover soon after and repeat the cycle.

THE MAIN ISSUE IS HERE IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ THE SUMMARY

But 2 days ago I randomly had a confidence/composure spike. Just one random time in the dentist office, I acted like a normal confident guy. You know talking and generally getting a good reaction out of my dentist and his assistants. Girls I didn't even talk to directly were smiling, laughing and said bye when I left. Ok next day, I'm doing temporary work at an office, and I'm next to a girl. I don't feel fear anymore, but since She's working on an online application and I go into my usual excuse to not talk "not interrupt." Well oddly enough, she leaves and comes back and talks to me and we have a good conversation and she gives me her #. I'm like wtf? this never happens to me.

Anyways, the real issue with this is that I'm terrified of losing this random confidence. Since it came out of nowhere and I don't understand it, I'm afraid I'll lose it. While I'm more confident, it still needs to be refined and strengthened to be the person I want to be. But for the 1st time I feel like I'm on my way. 2 slightly similar random "changes" have happened to me twice before(but with much less noticable results) and they have faded and I've reverted to my usual sad self. Is it some sort of chemical change within me? Has this happened to anyone else and how do I make this permanent so I can grow as a person?

 

[Captain]

Short summary: 18 years old, finished 1st year of college, skinny. No kiss, no gf. This is kind of weird to be honest. I was gonna explain my situation in depth but I think going in depth is going to cause what I fear.

Go to the gym and work out. Get some muscle. Yes, you can attract women without muscle, but it makes it far easier if you're attractive.

My usual day is full of me dissapointing myself when I dont act like my true personality. I usually come of as a shy socially awkward moron incapable of holding a conversation with men and women(mainly women). The problem with this is that I'm well aware of my actions and try to change it but I feel like somethings restricting me and no matter how much I think, I end up acting anti-social. I've been in a worse than usual slump since 2nd semester of college started.

Push yourself out of your comfort zone. Go and start conversations. Doesn't matter if it's awkward at first and women reject you, if you're really shy and anxious, you need to just get practice talking to them at all.

If you keep thinking negative, you'll just drag yourself down further. Next time you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, stop, and think about something else.

My day is usually spent on the computer or occasionally going out with the few friends I have. On the rare occasion women are with us, I lock up and freeze usually. When this happens I go in a depressed, disappointed state but recover soon after and repeat the cycle.

Get off the computer. Tomorrow, wake up, don't touch it at all. After that, start moderating usage to only an hour a day.

 

[HardLeftHook]

I'm well aware of what I need to do. If I'm skinny, work out. That much is obvious. I was just explaining my current situation. I've started working out today actually. My main concern is the portion you skipped about the random confidence I have now. I dont understand, I've been in the same position but I've felt so much better for no reason(for a limited time maybe). What gives?

 

[PeeGee]

If your confidence comes from a source you don't understand, you'll lose it when those factors go away. So it makes sense to build up your confidence from factors within your control. Practice your game and exercise to build a better body.

You're already wondering why a girl is giving you her number -- if you don't work toward your goal, that inner game (or lack of) will kill your chances with her.

Just telling you how it is.

 

[King Turi]

Who cares why you're more confident?

As long as you realize things have been better for you whilst you've been more confident, you'll realize that being more confident is the way you need to be.

So who gives a crap about WHY you're more confident, just remain confident from now on.

 

[Biggie]

I've had the same thing numerous times. Random confidence out of nowhere, feels great, but then one day you'll wake up and not feel it anymore. One thing that helps me to wake up every day with confidence is the hypnotherapy cd "develop your self-confidence" by glenn harrold.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Go to the gym and work out. Get some muscle. Yes, you can attract women without muscle, but it makes it far easier if you're attractive.

i wonder why if a bald guy says he feels unconfident to meet women everybody asks him to just go out & meet women and noone ever says 'regrow hair. it is attractive'. muscle-less guys deserve far less compassion but all the time you ask them to go to the gym & grow muscle. unfair.

 

[Cinamon]

While you still have your confidence go out to places you dont normally go, meet new people, try chatting girls up. If your confidence fades, what do you care, you probably wont see them again, so no major loss, on the other hand, the practice will help your confidence grow in talking to women.

What makes you happy generally? Do more of that. If you are smiling and on cloud nine generally, you are more approachable and have a more enticing aura.

Good look!

 

[Warrior74]

If your confidence comes from a source you don't understand, you'll lose it when those factors go away. So it makes sense to build up your confidence from factors within your control.

This.

To the OP. You have become comfortable in your new life. The first year of college, away from home, new people, new experiences...you have settled into your new life. As for the girl, she found you attractive, that's the long and the short of it, you didn't over think it and just went with the flow, that's what you want.

Confidence comes from knowing what your doing at the moment in time. It's hard to be confident doing something you've never done before. But you can be optimistic, enthusiastic and positive about it. And that is really what most people call confidence. Not being afraid of what's coming next, looking forward to it. Say skydiving for instance. I can't say anyone is confident the first time they do it. But they can be optimistic and enthusiastic about it.

Good luck.

 

[AreYouSingleFemale]

Say skydiving for instance. I can't say anyone is confident the first time they do it. But they can be optimistic and enthusiastic about it.
Good luck.

These kinds of things don't take ego transcendence to do it. Approaching women requires ego transcendence. It is more difficult.

 

[The Gamer]

^Approaching a women takes more confidence (ego trancendence?) then sky diving!?!?!? You stupid stupid ****. Thats the most pathetic thing I've heard all month. And I watch news!

 

[connor32]

your whole problem is your inability to let go. at the dentist office u werent confident, u just had nothing to lose. the stakes were not high. if u met a pretty girl at the mall and truly did not give a fck about the outcome, how easy would it be to talk to her? when you let go of everything your free to do anything.

 

[HardLeftHook]

Dammit. Whatever confidence I had, left me today. I know what event triggered it(kinda personal even on an anon forum), but it has nothing to do with women or anything to do with me personally. It feels like this negative energy or whatever just took me down and everything else just sort of followed. I feel like my "aura" has disappeared. These past few days, i've come closer to being my best self than I ever have. I've been working out everyday and I start summer school next week. I figured this would happen, but I'm not at rock bottom and i feel like i can get better, but im not sure what to do.

 

[just2reply2Ubruh]

i wonder why if a bald guy says he feels unconfident to meet women everybody asks him to just go out & meet women and noone ever says 'regrow hair. it is attractive'. muscle-less guys deserve far less compassion but all the time you ask them to go to the gym & grow muscle. unfair.

Stop being a lil girl and hit the gym.

 

[zekko]

HardLeftHook, are you sure what you're talking about is confidence? Sounds like maybe you were feeling pretty good, comfortable, relaxed, and alert, and in a good mood, with a quick wit about you, and that was what was getting you results. We all feel better at some times than others, when things all tend to fall into place. RSDers call this being "in state". Then other times we feel kind of sh!tty, and things don't go so well. I guess part of it is confidence. I notice that I am most likely to feel like this when I am well rested, but of course I'm old...

The other thing is, you're a young guy, and maybe all the practice socializing that you've been doing over the years is finally starting to pay off for you. You're beginning to find yourself, and your identity, and how you relate and interact with people. Maybe that was part of what you were experiencing.

 

[Eph]

What exactly did you do the day before and the day of your random spike of confidence? I get random spikes like this sometimes, and it makes you feel like you're on top of the world, and nothing can even touch you. But, I know what causes mine. I get them whenever I do something that makes me feel great. Dressing up more than usual, waking up (and getting up) at 5:00 without feeling tired, etc.

You did something the day before and or the day of, and it made you feel good. That's where your confidence came from. Find out what it was, and keep doing it. You will eventually become indifference towards the effects, but that's when you know you've got it. That's when that confidence just becomes a normal part of you.