Confidence Is Low

[ssj245]

Guys I tried to do some reading on the Don Juan Forums, and I read the bible, but all the advice seems to scary to execute.

im 19, going to college.

What Im trying to say is that I have a low confidence when it comes to girls, and my self esteem isnt that great either. I get the nerves when I even think about talking to a girl Im interested in. I looked at the bootcamp and I dont have the motivation to go out and say "hi" and what not to random strangers.

Like when today I was walking in the mall, I saw so many good looking girls, and I just wish one of them would just sit down with me and have a chit chat for 15 minutes in the food court area, it would be so much fun.

But Im afraid of doing anything. Just one look makes my heart sink at times. Its cool though, I guess it happens to everyone or some people.

I work In a retail store and I deal with alot of customers and thats good and it will help me come out of my shell hopefully soon.

Yet I sometimes feel bad when I see all the other guys with girls and it just reminds me about the lack of experience I have. But my friend told me you cant let that get you down, you gotta go on. I agree with him. But it makes being happy, that much harder.

Im sure that if I believed in myself more, and had more confidence that I would be much better off. I just dont know how I would go start building that confidence.

Has anyone else been in my position?
How can I build some personal confidence/self esteem?

 

[LiveStrong]

heres a way to start building confidence....buy new clothes, get a new style....start going to the gym....eat healthier....maintain good hygiene (dont forget to brush your teeth and rinse with mouth wash ).........cut back on drugs/alchohol....join a club/group at school.....Basically, start small with the approaches and don't aim too high. for example next time ur in class introduce urself to ur neighbors around you...do this in every class...just say hi with a grin on ur face and tell em' ur name introduce urself to both the girls and the guys that are next to you...this should help with your comfort levels as well as ur confidence...you will begin to gradually see how easy it is to meet new people....when ur introducing urself dont think about whether or not ur gonna get this girls number..at this point it really doenst matter...you need to take baby steps...after u learn to crawl in a social environment, soon you'll learn to walk, and later run . I also suggest you read Neil Strauss' (aka Style) book called The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists...it really will help you to better understand that anyone can get anything they want in life so long as they have the ambition to go after it. A side note...your letting your brain think and analyze too much over every simple situation...try to follow the 3 second rule of approach: after you see someone you have three seconds to approach them. dont think. just act...do it. You need to feel rejection because it will only make you stronger/more determined. Dont fear or hide from it.

Respect

 

[ssj245]

well

Wll, I've tried the new style and look part already. I look the best I possibly can, with my looks and phsique. I can say it hasn' helped much. When I go to the mall, girls walk past me like I dont even exist. I mean they even look at ugly guys and dont even take one look at me. I dont think I'm bad looking but sh*t. Not any of the girls hold eye contact with me, in the mall or on the street. So I guess I dont look physically attractive. I never get any signals. I make sure I walk slowly and confidently with my chest out and my face up. I guess I just need to stop carig if they look at me or not, cuz Im only going to feel worse about myself. All I can do is not care now.

Yeah I understand everyone on this board when they say you cant run away from your fear, but Im just so afraid of what other will think about me. I guess I have to break out of that cyclye.
Wish me luck.

I think, the first step could be at least getting girls to hold Eye contact with me, and have them check me out, right now I feel totally unattractive. That would boost my self esteem and make me take some more risk. Do you agree? Maybe get some EC first and soem checking out will make me feel better about me and then I might take some more risk after I do feel better about myself.

 

[LiveStrong]

well yeah that might be a good place to start...it sounds to me like you might initially come across as too intimidating..they say that not holding eye contact is part of the whole dominance issue....you probably come across as too dominant which may look mean or scary try to slap a big smile on ur face as you walk you want to exibit an aura of light-heartedness....like u dont have a care in the world....unfortunatly for you it seems like carry all of the worlds concerns...you make everything a concern...ur over analyzing everything that happens around you...(she didnt look at me!? well maybe this girl will...nope. Whats wrong with me...blah blah blah...) After not being noticed you fall into this depressed state and your aura of lightheartedness is replaced....you no longer exibit a happy fun guy but rather a sad, lonely, and very miserable person....big turnoffs for woman. You need to find that quirky fun side of yourself...i suggest before going to the mall listen to a song that is fun to sing to and just sing it as loud as possible...this will bring a smile to ur face no matter how rediculous you feel....it will also increase the levels of serotonin in ur bloodstream which induces happiness.....go into the mall in a pleasant state and try not to let things bother you soooo much just shrug em off.
GL

Respect

 

[ssj245]

Ic..

So I guess it has to do with more on how Im feeling inside rather than what Im looking like or what im not looking like.

Thx for the advice. Yeah when Im outside, Im not happy or cheerful, I just look straight and just pissed off.

Maybe not going to just the mall, but just all around my life, I could change my attitudes about life and maybe be more happier.

Maybe I could keep this attitude through the whole day in diffrent parts of my day and make it into a habit. It sure beats being and looking pissed off.

But I just dont want to feel fake, like Im pretneding to be light hearted when Im really not, my personality is to take everything serioulsy and not just let it go and be easy going. Is it okay to continue to make myself feel happy or tell myself to be happy even when I feel fake this way, I can make it a habit and it wont feel bad after a while?

 

[LiveStrong]

the reason you are pissed off is because you aren't being noticed...you dont get the attention you want and deserve....just try to be happy or even fake for a a few days..it willl really change some **** for you..who knows it might even actually make you a happier person..im sure you'll get more positive responses from the peoples around you. I really hope this helps yo...and please let me know how it is all working out for you...being angry all the time is not just bad for getting girls but it pushes other people away from you as well and its even bad on your health. You use this angry mentality to gain the attention of those already close to you...but this is not a good way to gain the attention of others..besides im sure those already close to you would truly like to see you happier. thier concerns for you is what you use to earn their attention...all i am saying is try something new...good luck with all of it

Respect

 

[ssj245]

yeah thx bro.

Yeah thx man. I mean I could work on my inner game, and being happeir and shrugging things off will help lighten the mood and be easy going and ill be able to flow more. Thx man.

DO you think I should work on my self confidence and change the beliefs I have about myself. Like setting up a workshop with myself, and reading a few good books and then appyling them to myself and see what happens.

I just hope I dont get fed up and quit.

Later bro